Will I be neglectful and selfish?

matilda123 · Nov 13, 2008

Maybe your mother is jealous because she did not have the drive or commitment to pursue a career. Maybe she is jealous because you will provide a better life for your family than she did for hers. Who knows, but you know it is baloney!!! You are making a difference in your families life. Your and your husband are working for a better future. Your child will not remember that you were not at home for a few nights a week, and the benefits will way outway the few hours apart. :nurse:

hiddencatRN, BSN, RN · Nov 13, 2008

Your mother is wrong and short sighted. A short term sacrifice of living in an apartment and scrimping a bit is worth having a career that will allow you to provide better things for your family.

This is not a decision that is up to your mother. Tune her out and register for that class!

3rdgenRN2B · Nov 13, 2008

My mom just retired from a very long career as an RN. So maybe she's just burnt out. But she keeps telling me how precious these first years are (being a mommy). In her defense, I'm been going back and forth about "what I'm going to do with my life" for 12 years now so I'm sure she just doesn't know what to support anymore. But to tell me that it's neglectful and selfish? That hurts and certainly doesn't help me in the decision making department.....

After I posted the original post, I registered for A & P. But even now i can feel myself wavering. I keep thinking that maybe I should go with plan B (paralegal) because I can take one class and it only meets once a week and the program itself isn't quite as demanding, though it is competitive and I did already get in... I just don't know what to do! I was originally a paralegal major (years ago) before I discovered nursing. Then after taking a year off from school I started taking pre-reqs for nursing and left paralegal studies behind. Then more time off.... now I'm returning again and more confused than ever...

butterfly135 · Nov 13, 2008

don't listen to your mother. if nursing is were your heart is then go for it! in the end your daughter is going to respect you for your decision. i have 3 small kids 5 and under i am at school 3 night a week and i am taking a@p 2 night a week next semester. i tell my kids all the time mommy is going to school and how much better things are going to be when i finish. the time i have with them i make the most of. you have to do whats in your heart, you cant let someone talk you down because years from now you will regret not fulfulling your dream. i say tune out your mother, love you baby, and make the better life for your family. in the end everyone in your family will benifit from the sacrifice you are making now!

Satori77, ADN · Nov 13, 2008

I agree with the other posters. My mother (also a nurse) makes me feel guilty for wanting this as well. She was home with me and my brother until we were both in school. I have a daughter in kindergarten and a almost 2 year old son. She wants me to wait, but I feel like I have put my career on hold so many times already. i am doing this for myself, but also for them. I am tired of not being able to pay our bills. Of not being able to get my kids things they need and want. We can't afford to buy a house, and never will on my salary. Do what is best for you and your family, your kids will thank you for it.

On a side note, I thought about the paralegal program as well. Decent pay with an associates degree, classes at night. But in the long run, I know I wouldn't be happy. I wouldn't like the job.

KaroSnowQueen, RN · Nov 13, 2008

Here's my two cents. I went to LPN school with a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn, born at the end of my first term. It was very hard. This was back in the dinosaur days when all papers written had to rely on actual books hunted down in libraries, and typed on typewriters. I remember my toddlers playing at my feet, while my newborn nursed while I typed with one hand.

I missed a LOT of my youngest child's firsts. I hated that so bad. But I kept going. Why? In my case, for self preservation. I had an abusive, drunken, unsupportive first husband. I knew I had to make some money to get away from him.

If there was something I knew I could do that would pay as much in the long run, I would have picked that. And if I had a supportive husband who contributed a normal amount of money for the care of his family, I probably wouldn't have gone to school at all until my kids were in school.

In the end, you have to decide what is best for you. I have been an LPN for going on 25 years. My daughter is an RN, has been one for five years. We have BOTH in the last year moved away from the bedside. I am in case mgmt in an insurance company. She is doing research while going for her doctorate. Flat out ask your mom WHY she thinks the way she does. Maybe she has regrets, or sees things at work that make her want to change her career. A lot depends on your age, your family's financial circumstances, and the age of your child(ren), as well as your desire to become a nurse/paralegal/whatever. Nursing school is not a walk in the park. You have to WANT to finish it despite the obstacles that WILL appear.

3rdgenRN2B · Nov 13, 2008

Karo - My mother recently retired from her very long career as the head nurse of her floor at a nursing home. I've listened to her complain about her job for many, many years. She's told me many times that she wouldn't reccommend nursing to anyone. Of course, I never listened to her....

I know I could make a decent living as a paralegal and since I've already been a paralegal major once and have taken classes in it (which I loved) I'm pretty sure I'd like the job. And not to mention I could take 1 course at a time, I'm already accepted into the program, and I won't feel like I'm causing my family any turmoil by going that route. However, nursing will always be in my heart and, who knows, maybe I'll be able to revisit it some day...

Hoping2beRN, BSN, RN · Nov 13, 2008

We are leading similar lives! Everyone has 'pushed' me to get a career so I've done two short associate degrees, both of which I am STILL paying loans on and NEVER used. (Well for a few short months after school). I have 3 girls almost 8, 5 and 18 months and everyone says that I am 'taking away from the family' but REALLY I am investing in my family. I want to make a decent living at a job I love (So I don't come home bitter like my mother did), and can still afford to have a nice home (get out of this apartment) and put some money back for my kids college. I have been in the medical field since high school. The ONLY regret I have about nursing is NOT DOING IT SOONER! I should have sucked it up and did it 7 years and 2 kids ago, but you know what... all that matters is I am going to do it, with or without the support of my family. In the long run, people will see what I see and if they don't Oh well. I'll be a better mother for it in the end.

Luv2helpppl · Nov 13, 2008

Karo - My mother recently retired from her very long career as the head nurse of her floor at a nursing home. I've listened to her complain about her job for many, many years. She's told me many times that she wouldn't reccommend nursing to anyone. Of course, I never listened to her....
I know I could make a decent living as a paralegal and since I've already been a paralegal major once and have taken classes in it (which I loved) I'm pretty sure I'd like the job. And not to mention I could take 1 course at a time, I'm already accepted into the program, and I won't feel like I'm causing my family any turmoil by going that route. However, nursing will always be in my heart and, who knows, maybe I'll be able to revisit it some day...

I am a paralegal and yes I do make decent money. But I have ALWAYS wanted to be a nurse. Sometime I will try to combine them both. I will say, if you like the same ol same ol, paralegal will be that for you eventually. I have been doing this for 15 years and I am burnt out! I am so excited to do nursing. I work full time now, I have two children ages 4 and 6 and I will be in school two nights a week, as well as still working full time. I am doing this for me and for them. I can transfer anywhere, work as much or as liittle as I want, so many different fields to go into. I will be able to be there for my kids in the long run. Remember it is quality time, not quantity. I say follow your dreams. It can be your mom is not supportive because she doesn't have that fire in her anymore. She is tired. It took her a long time to get to that point. She maybe did not like her arena, you may or not may not go into that arena. For every naysayer, there is an ecourager.

Still with it! If it is your dream, you deserve it.

Nancy

3rdgenRN2B · Nov 13, 2008

I am a paralegal and yes I do make decent money. But I have ALWAYS wanted to be a nurse. Sometime I will try to combine them both. I will say, if you like the same ol same ol, paralegal will be that for you eventually. I have been doing this for 15 years and I am burnt out! I am so excited to do nursing. I work full time now, I have two children ages 4 and 6 and I will be in school two nights a week, as well as still working full time. I am doing this for me and for them. I can transfer anywhere, work as much or as liittle as I want, so many different fields to go into. I will be able to be there for my kids in the long run. Remember it is quality time, not quantity. I say follow your dreams. It can be your mom is not supportive because she doesn't have that fire in her anymore. She is tired. It took her a long time to get to that point. She maybe did not like her arena, you may or not may not go into that arena. For every naysayer, there is an ecourager.
Still with it! If it is your dream, you deserve it.
Nancy

And an encourager you are! Thank you so much for stopping me from making a decision I would probably regret...

allnurses Guide · Nov 13, 2008

As a mom with adult children and a 7 year old I have to say I understand the caution your mother is giving you about time away from children.

The early years at home are precious and I don't believe in the old "quality" vs. "quantity" stuff.

The ideal of course would be if we all got our degrees before marriage and children.

I went back to school when my youngest (my daughter) was in 1st grade and the the two older boys were in 5th and 7th grade. I usually got home when they got home from school.

Day care for 4 days, gone two nights, only home with your children on Thursday and Sunday sounds very hard.

I think your mom means well - really. We hate to see our kids make mistakes that we might have made and now know better.

Granted - it is possible to go to school with kids - millions of women have successfully done it.

Cut us moms a little slack when we tell you things out of love and concern.

Then do what is right for your personal situation.

steph