Will I be neglectful and selfish?

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So my mother ( a veteran RN) has put it in my head that if I go to school, especially for something as demanding as nursing, I will be neglecting my daughter, hubby, and home. And that going to school would be really selfish of me bc though I'm doing it to provide a better future for all involved as well as pursuing a dream of mine, the money I'm "throwing away" (her words) on classes should be going towards a house instead of our tiny lil appointment. I constantly have her words in my head and although I know this is just her opinion and I need to do what I believe is best, I can't help but worry that she might be right! I don't wanna be selfish or neglectful. I keep registering for A&P1 for this spring but then I turn around and drop it because it meets 2 nights a week and I now feel bad that not only is my daughter in daycare 4 days a week while I work but now she won't have her mommy there 2 nights a week. I'll be with her all day on Thursday (my day off) and both my hubby and I are with her all day sunday but I still worry that my mom is right. Please help....

I don't agree that being a paralegal is any easier than being a nurse and as a paralegal you'd have less career flex - but it is up to you to figure out whether nursing school and nursing is for you. Regarding your prereqs consider taking them online. This way you would have all your evenings to spend with your child and then you can do your studying after your child goes to bed. And as for the question of money - instate tuition at community college for a class or two per semester shouldn't be an expense that would prevent you from homeownership (that is unless you have some really good deals on housing in your area!).

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I'll say in advance that this hits a sore spot w/ me so if somewhere in this post I go off on the deep end and into a rant I apologize. :)

I think that the moment a baby girl is born society starts imprinting on her that her purpose in life is to care for everyone but herself. Be a good mom, be a good wife, who cares what you want and need, that's such a selfish way to think!! What is this 1950?! Tell me the last time anyone looked at a man who works and is going back to school and said, boy he's a selfish SOB. Yeah, more than likely you're hearing "what a great man that is to work so hard and go back to school so he can provide better for his family". Gag.

I work a full time job so I have a three year old boy that spends a lot of time w/ his aunt (she's our care giver during the week) but I make the time up by making sure that we do lots of fun things he's going to remember when i'm home. Baking cookies, going to the zoo ect ect. It's all about quality time.

Second, for me, its about being a role model to my son. When he's in his late teens and is in college he'll realize how much mom had to bust her rear end in order to follow her dreams and do something she was passionate about. I want him to have that kind of lesson from his mom.

Your husband and your children are going to benefit from your becoming a nurse. Not only financially, but having a mom that is happy w/ her career and from the role model you are being for your child. A family is all about COMPROMISE, if they're going to benefit from it then they're also going to have to adjust to some changes while you're in school.

Follow your dream, and go to school. You will be a better, happier person for it which makes you a better, happier mom and wife.

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I'll say in advance that this hits a sore spot w/ me so if somewhere in this post I go off on the deep end and into a rant I apologize. :)

I think that the moment a baby girl is born society starts imprinting on her that her purpose in life is to care for everyone but herself. Be a good mom, be a good wife, who cares what you want and need, that's such a selfish way to think!! What is this 1950?! Tell me the last time anyone looked at a man who works and is going back to school and said, boy he's a selfish SOB. Yeah, more than likely you're hearing "what a great man that is to work so hard and go back to school so he can provide better for his family". Gag.

I work a full time job so I have a three year old boy that spends a lot of time w/ his aunt (she's our care giver during the week) but I make the time up by making sure that we do lots of fun things he's going to remember when i'm home. Baking cookies, going to the zoo ect ect. It's all about quality time.

Second, for me, its about being a role model to my son. When he's in his late teens and is in college he'll realize how much mom had to bust her rear end in order to follow her dreams and do something she was passionate about. I want him to have that kind of lesson from his mom.

Your husband and your children are going to benefit from your becoming a nurse. Not only financially, but having a mom that is happy w/ her career and from the role model you are being for your child. A family is all about COMPROMISE, if they're going to benefit from it then they're also going to have to adjust to some changes while you're in school.

Follow your dream, and go to school. You will be a better, happier person for it which makes you a better, happier mom and wife.

I agree 100%:yeah::yeah::yeah::yeah::yeah::yeah:

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i couldn't of said it better peytonsmom you totally hit the nail on the head!! :yeah:

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My mother in law had my husband when she was 17 and finished high school and then went to college and she worked. She may have missed some of his firsts, but she made sure to spend plenty of time with him and he does not resent her or feel like she neglected him at all. He is proud of what she accomplished.

I think as moms we put more guilt on ourselves then our children would. We have to remember that they love us as much as we love them and as long as they know we will be there when it counts they will be fine.

And I am truly speaking from experience. I have completed all of my nursing prereqs while working. I will start my nursing clinicals in January and I know my daughter will be proud of me. She has so much fun with whoever is watching her I doubt she even realizes I am gone.:mad:

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I certainly don't think you're being selfish, but it's possible you're being too hard on yourself. Don't think this has to be "now or never". I'm going back after 50! By all means go for it now if that's what you really want to do, but don't rule out going back in a couple of years or whenever you think you'll be happiest.

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"I don't wanna be selfish or neglectful. "

And you don't sound like you're EITHER of those things!! Sign up for A&P and take it! It's only 2 nights a week and that semester will fly by before you know it. Do it and see how it feels, then make a decision. Stop putting it off! Worst-case scenario, you can always drop the class or withdraw. Put the naysayers out of your head and do what you feel makes sense for you.

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So funny turn of events....

My hubby is self employed and got this really amazing opportunity. However this new opportunity means that he won't be available to pick up our daughter from daycare while I go to class. So I can't take A&P this spring, I need to be there for my daughter!!

I was really kinda bummed about this at first, but then I realized that maybe this is the answer I was looking for!! I've been really unsure about nursing and have been going back and forth aout it for years. I prayed for an answer and maybe this is it.

Meanwhile I found a state school that offers their degrees 100% online and it's really affordable! Turns out I can graduate this spring with my associates in general studies and I only need 2 courses. Then I can roll right into a bachelors program and the pressures off (for now) to pick a major.

So maybe someday I'll be back, but who knows. Thanks for all the support.

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my mom went to nursing school when i was 8 and my sister was five. I just called her and we talked about mom going to school-- neither of us even remember much that far back lol! Mom made sure to either have breakfast or dinner with us 4x a week plus we saw her lots on the weekend. And once she graduated we were able to have a better home, better food and (haha) a computer. We now really thank her for getting a career and giving us a better life.

Now I am going to be a nurse!

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Sadly you have to sacrifice something .... time with them now, or the ability to provide them a better life later. I am currently in nursing school full time with three kids (4,3, and 20 months) and it is tough and challenging ... but in the end it will be worth it when I can provide a better life for them. Sure I miss them ... especially when there are practicals that take all my time. I do feel guilty at times, but when my kids ask me to join ballet or karate, it's something I will be able to provide them later on. A small sacrifice now for a greater future tomorrow.

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Who the heck am I kidding!! I already know that I won't be happy pursuing anything other than nursing and now I'm just making excuses...

I went back to the class schedule and found an A & P section offered 2 mornings a week. So instead of leaving work early to take classes at night (which wouldn't be possible this spring) I can go 2 mornings a week and get to work late. I'm so happy to have figured this out!! I just know I would have ended up at that other school, taking my classes online and feeling completely displaced from the school, up to my eyeballs in debt with a degree I didn't really want.

Yeah, I'll have to sacrifice a couple of hours on my day off to go to class, time I would normally spend with my daughter. But I'll be with her every night now, so that's a plus! And she'll get some quality time with her grandparents for that few hours while I'm in class so that's another plus. I'm so excited that I just had to share....

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Specializes in Oncology, Triage, Tele, Med-Surg.

Call me old fashioned, but please don't throw tomatoes at me - I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED being home with my kids. I went back to school when they were in middle/high school. Being their mom was the BEST job ever and more rewarding than any pay I will ever, ever receive.

I do not regret waiting. Yes, I would have had more money in my bank account, a bigger home, and nicer "things" if I had being bringing home the dough - but those things didn't matter.

I live in an area surrounded by wealth and my kids see that we don't have the fancy stuff that others do. But they were raised by a happy couple, who didn't mind not having all the fancy stuff our neighbors do - because they had their mommy taking care of them and that was something the other kids did not have. Not that my way was better, just that we had something pretty nice too. :)

My oldest son was recently talking about death and heaven. We both agreed that we think heaven is probably 'what each of us wants it to be" - (what would be heaven for each person.) My son, without missing a beat said "My heaven would be reliving my childhood! - It's been so perfect and so fun!")

All of my worries about not providing what the Jone's have etc. were washed away. We didn't have much - but we had time together. Any chances of you finding a job where you can work from home - or not so much away from home? Maybe your mom can help some since she's just retired?

I don't think there is such a thing as "balance." We can't do it all. We just can't. Something or someone will be neglected somewhere along the way. Let that be a job or a household chore, not a person. I had several young mothers in nursing school with me, and I admire them for being able to juggle it all. None of them worked full-time while in school though....while raising little ones and trying to find time for themselves, their studies or their husbands. (Didn't mean to put the husbands last but that's sometimes where they end up, and that's not good for a marriage.) Yikes. Only so much will fit on a plate. Fill your plate with your favorite things first.

I tried to savor every moment with my children, yet I blinked and they were grown. :( My nursing career will always be here, but my kids were little for such a short time that I do not regret waiting. Childhood is gone in an instant. I am extremely proud to be a nurse. I love it! But by far, my proudest accomplishment is my happy family.

:redbeathe

Give yourself time to figure things out and allow yourself to be undecided. It's okay not to know what or when. Right now, you are still doing something very, very important. ;)

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