Will I be neglectful and selfish?

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

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So my mother ( a veteran RN) has put it in my head that if I go to school, especially for something as demanding as nursing, I will be neglecting my daughter, hubby, and home. And that going to school would be really selfish of me bc though I'm doing it to provide a better future for all involved as well as pursuing a dream of mine, the money I'm "throwing away" (her words) on classes should be going towards a house instead of our tiny lil appointment. I constantly have her words in my head and although I know this is just her opinion and I need to do what I believe is best, I can't help but worry that she might be right! I don't wanna be selfish or neglectful. I keep registering for A&P1 for this spring but then I turn around and drop it because it meets 2 nights a week and I now feel bad that not only is my daughter in daycare 4 days a week while I work but now she won't have her mommy there 2 nights a week. I'll be with her all day on Thursday (my day off) and both my hubby and I are with her all day sunday but I still worry that my mom is right. Please help....

keep thinking that maybe I should go with plan B (paralegal) because I can take one class and it only meets once a week and the program itself isn't quite as demanding, though it is competitive and I did already get in... I just don't know what to do! I was originally a paralegal major (years ago) before I discovered nursing.

Please don't waste your money on a paralegal degree!! I work in a very well-known law firm as a paralegal, and until recently none of the paralegals had a degree! It's more of a learn on the job kind of thing. Plus it is a very boring a demoralizing job,. I have lost a lot of faith in ppl with this job. Everyone is so greedy...it's disgusting. And I'm not referring to the lawyers...

If you think nursing is your dream, go for it. But be sure. research these boards, maybe talk to some nurses you know, possibly work as a CNA for awhile. It would be selfish to get an education only to realize you don't want to be a nurse later. But If you're sure that is what you want to do and are going to stick it out, there is no reason not to.

Good luck to you ! And you mom will come around.

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I don't honestly think I'll be neglecting my daughter. This coming semester and the 2 following semesters I'll be taking 1 class, and it will be while she is in daycare. I'm cutting my work hours so that I'm not sacrificing family time. I'll be with her every night and most of the day thursday and all day sunday. Then if I get into nursing school, I'll be in class 2 nights a week and have clincals on Sunday. So yeah, I'll be sacrificing some time, but not all of it! Plus by then she'll be a little older and hopefully she'll understand. I'm sacrificing family time now so that we won't have to live paycheck to paycheck much longer. If we weren't living this way I would gladly wait but I think my daughter deserves to grow up in a house, not a tiny apartment in an ok neighborhood. This is why I can't wait until she's older...

Plus, I want to have another child and right now we can't afford it....

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I don't think you'll be neglecting her either.

And I've found that following "signs" usually leads me to places I don't want to be, so don't assume coincidences or new hurdles have a deeper meaning. While I was still working on my first degree, a school I'd applied to lost my application. I took it as a sign that I should be going to another school I'd already been accepted to, and wound up spending a miserable and unhappy semester before transferring to the school that lost my application. It was a much better fit, and it was where I met my husband.

It sounds like you've found a way to make it work, which is great! Don't feel guilty. Happy mothers are good mothers.

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Studying is always good. Go for it.

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Good for you 3rdGenRN2B. Where there's a will there's a way! And trust me, nothing you are doing is considered neglectful, and don't you let ANYONE tell you otherwise! Nothing is better than being fulfilled in your destiny and being able to provide for your family!

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"because they had their mommy taking care of them and that was something the other kids did not have."

Not throwing tomatoes here, but HAD to address...

You are saying, not implying, but actually stating that mothers (and fathers!) who worked or for whatever reason were out the home were not taking care of their kids. Wow. I don't think I've ever seen such a nasty, huge, judgmental slap in the face to so many parents that are simply trying to provide a better life and future for their kids. Your kids may have had a "happy" family and childhood or whatever in your eyes, but I wonder how much humility, nonjudgmentalism, and realism they picked up about themselves along the way.

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No you are not being selfish, you are doing this for your family's secure future and only sacrificing short term. Follow your heart

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Specializes in Oncology, Triage, Tele, Med-Surg.

Gamba - I wasn't being nasty at all.. and I sure as heck didn't mean to slap ANYONE in the face. (Sorry) My point was that I didn't have money, but my time was something I could give that was of value. I was saying that there's something nice even when you can't provide....

When I started my reply with "don't throw tomatoes" it was because I was sharing that I felt fulfilled in staying home when my kids were little - my best friend (An RN I admire and love....who went right back to work after her kids were born) would (lovingly) harass me about being "boring and broke" - "How can you stand it, June Cleaver?!" Had it been anyone else, other than her, I would have felt like I had a tomato thrown at me for my decision. I couldn't give my kids what she gave hers, but I could give them my time at home, and yes - they did like that. Were we better b/c I was home then? No. Was she better because she had a career too? No. Whatever works for the family is whatever is right - there are pluses either way. I don't feel like I'm being mean by saying that the plus side to being "broke & boring" as my friend joked, was that it was nice to be home with my kids.

I meant to make the OP feel okay and valued no matter what she decides. You never know what struggles anyone else is going through, personally or financially & it's hard to even begin to know each other's situations here in cyberspace.

I know what it's like to have to tell my child "I'm sorry, we don't have that kind of money," I know what it's like to buy from garage sales, and I know what it's like to be scared. BUT... I also know what it's like to have to say "I can't, I have to study" - "I can't I have a test" "I can't I have to work" - so I know how it hurts both ways. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, but you have to weigh your options and do what is best for yourself and your family.

I can provide a little better now, but it does come at the expense of my time. My high school kids still do like their family time.

Your kids may have had a "happy" family and childhood or whatever in your eyes, but I wonder how much humility, nonjudgmentalism, and realism they picked up about themselves along the way.
Despite how poorly I apparently came across to you, they turned out to be pretty nice kids.

3rdgenRN2B, Saying a prayer you'll find the answers you are looking for and a light along whatever path you travel. Good luck to you always. :redbeathe:redbeathe:redbeathe

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Specializes in Psych, Med/Surg, LTC.

I am one that believes you CAN have it all in life, but NOT all at the same time. Different times of our lives require our focus to be in certain places, while the other area's wait. A lot of people I know do try to do it all at the same time (good marriage, kids, job, social life, and school) Something usually suffers, whether their marriage, relationship with children, job performance, or grades. Everyone is different. Some handle it all well, others don't. You know your family and your situation best.

My personal thoughts, are kids are only little once. You can not get those years back, but nursing will always be there. I feel the young years and the teen years are the years you really need to "be there" but that is just my opinion. I am sure my kids would love more toys and more outings, but I am trying to not "keep up with the Jonses". They will not remember that they did not have all of toys r us to themselves. They will remember being with me.

That is said by someone who is taking a break from nursing to be more present to my kids right now. I very much miss working as a nurse. I dont want to totally deny my desires in life, so I will work part-time again soon. A happy mom does make happier kids. I was happier when I did work some when I had just one child. It gave me a little chance to miss her and a break from her. It gave her special time with daddy. It is just finding that balance that takes the whole families desires into account that is difficult. Good luck finding the balance. Dont be a mommy martyr and give up every dream you ever had. But I really dont think you should go full steam ahead with school right now. One class at a time should not take too much time from the family.

If you have a sitter that you really respect and love, it would make things easier on you since you know your dd would be disciplined, cared for, and taught the way you want. Your dd is going to love you no matter what in the end, school or not. There is good and bad in either choice. If you really cant make up your mind, I say go to school, but take it slow.

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If there's one thing I've learned, it's that not everyone is supportive. And people are entitled to their own opinions.

That said education is not a waste of money. For one, there are far far worse things you can "blow" money on....I know people who go to the bar nightly or go gambling and THOSE are the ones neglecting their precious babies at home because, well they are. They never have money to properly feed or clothe their kids then they whine about how they don't have money.

Don't ever feel guilty for wanting to better your life not only for you but your daughter. You are teaching her that no matter what it's ok to pursue your dreams.

Yes it's very hard but remember it's only for a short time. Next time she brings it up, just say "Well that's fine if you want to think that but we're doing fine" then change the subject". Hopefully eventually she'll get the hint that the topic is no longer up for discussion or at the very least, you're not listening if she's going to be negative.

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GooeyRN, you're a wise woman. As an over-50. just going back into nursing, I appreciate it far more than I did in my early 20s. I am also very grateful for the years I spent raising my children and working & volunteering in other fields. I think it is unfair to tell women (and men!) that they can have it all, without telling them that they may not be able to have it all at once. Yes, one can have a great career, happy marriage, delightful children, etc. but they shouldn't be discouraged if they can't seem to put it all together at the same time. Just do what's right for you at any given point, and your life will be much more satisfying.

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however, being able to pay the bills is key in life! if you can pay bills (even if stretched tight!) without working then sure stay home. However when I grew up with my single mom of to, having a house, good food & $ for a surgery of mine was amazing!

my mom was abl to save $ to help with college. she made a better life for us by going to school for two years. heck, even nursing part time is better then a low end full time job..

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