Will I be neglectful and selfish?

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So my mother ( a veteran RN) has put it in my head that if I go to school, especially for something as demanding as nursing, I will be neglecting my daughter, hubby, and home. And that going to school would be really selfish of me bc though I'm doing it to provide a better future for all involved as well as pursuing a dream of mine, the money I'm "throwing away" (her words) on classes should be going towards a house instead of our tiny lil appointment. I constantly have her words in my head and although I know this is just her opinion and I need to do what I believe is best, I can't help but worry that she might be right! I don't wanna be selfish or neglectful. I keep registering for A&P1 for this spring but then I turn around and drop it because it meets 2 nights a week and I now feel bad that not only is my daughter in daycare 4 days a week while I work but now she won't have her mommy there 2 nights a week. I'll be with her all day on Thursday (my day off) and both my hubby and I are with her all day sunday but I still worry that my mom is right. Please help....

Specializes in Psych, Med/Surg, LTC.

I wanted to add, while your mom cares, she had her chance to raise her kid(s). Now it is your turn to raise yours how you see fit. Only you know what is best for your family. I hope you can find a balance that works for all of you.

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"because they had their mommy taking care of them and that was something the other kids did not have."

Not throwing tomatoes here, but HAD to address...

You are saying, not implying, but actually stating that mothers (and fathers!) who worked or for whatever reason were out the home were not taking care of their kids. Wow. I don't think I've ever seen such a nasty, huge, judgmental slap in the face to so many parents that are simply trying to provide a better life and future for their kids. Your kids may have had a "happy" family and childhood or whatever in your eyes, but I wonder how much humility, nonjudgmentalism, and realism they picked up about themselves along the way.

There's a difference between both spouses working because they need the money or health insurance, or Mom isn't happy as a SAHM, or they have no spouse, and someone who works because they are irresponsible with money (i.e. they do fun things first and pay their bills with whatever's left over), or someone who works overtime to avoid family responsibilities (both men and women do this, trust me), or because they want to go on cruises, or things like that.

I know several people who act like they don't know where their next meal is coming from (looking at them proves otherwise :rolleyes: ) but they are always going on trips and appear to have memorized the menu of every restaurant in town. Or each family member wants food from a different fast-food establishment, and they claim they don't have time to cook.

The OP would only be selfish and irresponsible if she spent her time off partying or whatever.

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Wow guys, I had no idea what a heated topic this would be! I want everyone who replied to know that I read every single post and I thank all of you for your insight!! I still don't know which way I will turn yet, still mulling it over. But I wanted to clarify something. I am not a SAHM, I work full time. I work as a sales associate in a flower shop so it's not all that stressful (unless it's 5 pm on valentine's day lol) and pretty flex. I've been there for 12 years and my boss is very fair. I can cut my hours back to 32/week to keep my and my family's insurance. So that's not a big issue. I don't have the luxury to be home with my daughter all the time, it's simply not a reality for me. My dh is self employed and a diabetic so he's on my health benefits, so I have to work. My daughter goes to day care the 4 weekdays that I work... I have one day during the week where it is just me and my daughter and that's the day I'm looking at taking A & P. Now this day is the lexture portion of the class and only 1 1/2 hours long so no big deal. I'd be leaving her with my mother who's house she loves loves loves to go to, so I doubt she'd even know I was gone. And I'd still have every evening, all afternoon after class, and all day sunday for quality time... so why am I still conflicted?

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Specializes in ED.
Wow guys, I had no idea what a heated topic this would be! I want everyone who replied to know that I read every single post and I thank all of you for your insight!! I still don't know which way I will turn yet, still mulling it over. But I wanted to clarify something. I am not a SAHM, I work full time. I work as a sales associate in a flower shop so it's not all that stressful (unless it's 5 pm on valentine's day lol) and pretty flex. I've been there for 12 years and my boss is very fair. I can cut my hours back to 32/week to keep my and my family's insurance. So that's not a big issue. I don't have the luxury to be home with my daughter all the time, it's simply not a reality for me. My dh is self employed and a diabetic so he's on my health benefits, so I have to work. My daughter goes to day care the 4 weekdays that I work... I have one day during the week where it is just me and my daughter and that's the day I'm looking at taking A & P. Now this day is the lexture portion of the class and only 1 1/2 hours long so no big deal. I'd be leaving her with my mother who's house she loves loves loves to go to, so I doubt she'd even know I was gone. And I'd still have every evening, all afternoon after class, and all day sunday for quality time... so why am I still conflicted?

Just think, when you're a nurse, you can spend 4 full days with your daughter (if you work 3-12's) and if you work nights you can have 7 days with her. :wink2: I say go for it. If you're only missing a couple of hours of your time with her, its no big deal. I am a stay at home mom, and I go to class in the evenings. I have 2 kids, one who goes to school and one who is at home with me. And even the one who is at home with me still doesn't want me to leave when its time for me to go to school, and I feel a little guilty doing it, but I know the end result is for the best. My husband is also self employed and he and I do not have insurance. The kids do because FL has an awesome kids health insurance program, but there's no way we can afford the crap insurance you get when you're not part of group coverage. I don't want to be stuck in a rut, making ends meet, without insurance for the rest of our life. I have friends who have kids where the husband worked full time and went to school at night, while the wife stayed at home to care for the kids, and the husband was gone just about every week night. Why? To make a better life. I always look at the "what ifs" and wonder what in the world would I do to provide for my kids if heaven forbid something happened to my husband if he were to die, or even get disabled? I can't support 2 kids and a husband on a receptionist salary.

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Specializes in Psych, Med/Surg, LTC.
Wow guys, I had no idea what a heated topic this would be! I want everyone who replied to know that I read every single post and I thank all of you for your insight!! I still don't know which way I will turn yet, still mulling it over. But I wanted to clarify something. I am not a SAHM, I work full time. I work as a sales associate in a flower shop so it's not all that stressful (unless it's 5 pm on valentine's day lol) and pretty flex. I've been there for 12 years and my boss is very fair. I can cut my hours back to 32/week to keep my and my family's insurance. So that's not a big issue. I don't have the luxury to be home with my daughter all the time, it's simply not a reality for me. My dh is self employed and a diabetic so he's on my health benefits, so I have to work. My daughter goes to day care the 4 weekdays that I work... I have one day during the week where it is just me and my daughter and that's the day I'm looking at taking A & P. Now this day is the lexture portion of the class and only 1 1/2 hours long so no big deal. I'd be leaving her with my mother who's house she loves loves loves to go to, so I doubt she'd even know I was gone. And I'd still have every evening, all afternoon after class, and all day sunday for quality time... so why am I still conflicted?

Adding 1.5 hours away from her really shouldn't be an issue, especially since she will be with someone who loves her and who she loves. I think it makes a big difference, too, knowing that your job is not overly stressful. Don't feel guilty for working, you obviously have to provide for your dd one way or another, ya know? The way it sounds, taking this one class really should not change your life too much. Maybe you can do the studying after your dd is tucked into bed. Maybe she would not even notice a difference in life. Taking one class at a time when you only work 32 hours a week is not going to make her scarred for life. ;)

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