Was I mean?

  1. There is one girl in my class who never comes to class because she works the night shift. I have walked up to her many times and spoken and she just smiles one of those "Do I have to do this" kind of smiles, but I speak anyway.
    Well, today I walked up as I was waiting on class to start and she was sitting on a bench. I sat down on the other side and said hello. She gave the same smile as always.
    A minute later, she had the nerve to ask me if I had the notes from Monday. I told her no. I know she stayed after class to talk to the instructor afterwards and I am sure she layed the pity party on him. I am not sympathetic for 2 reasons.

    1. the way she acts on a regular basis

    2. I put off going back to school for years because of that very same concern. I knew I would not have the drive to make it to class every day.
    So, tell me, was I mean? I dont think so. I dont depend on everyone else because I dont feel like going to class, and I dont want to be used either.

    If she came to class most days, but missed occasionally, I wouldnt mind. I dont mind helping those who try, nor do I mind helping a freind.
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  2. 36 Comments

  3. by   SummerGarden
    No, I do not think you are mean. I never let anyone borrow my notes. I do not trust I will get them back in time or that I won't need them to refer to during lecture. I also have a tendency to take notes that would confuse anyone that is not me.

    Rather then tell people I have a confusing system or that I do not trust them, I usually just tell them that I do not take complete notes and I use short cuts (which is the truth). People I know who gladly give up notes and who take notes the traditional way (verbatim on several sheets of paper within a notebook), I recognize in class and refer the person to that student.
  4. by   llg
    No, you weren't mean. If she is not prepared to do the work herself (and coming to class is part of the necessary work), she shouldn't be enrolled in the class.

    Of course, it would be different if this were a "one time" thing.

    Good for you!
  5. by   Jules A
    Since she's not nice to you I don't blame you. If she were nice then I wouldn't hold her work situation against her. There was a girl in my class that missed a lot of classes because she was a single Mom and worked also. I admired her because she was trying to make a better life for herself and her child. I had no problem going to the photocopier and letting her make copies of my notes any time. I'm with you on not letting my notes get out of my possession though.
  6. by   stpauligirl
    Quote from Jules A
    Since she's not nice to you I don't blame you. If she were nice then I wouldn't hold her work situation against her. There was a girl in my class that missed a lot of classes because she was a single Mom and worked also. I admired her because she was trying to make a better life for herself and her child. I had no problem going to the photocopier and letting her make copies of my notes any time. I'm with you on not letting my notes get out of my possession though.
    NICE makes such a difference, doesn't it. I don't mind dealing with people who are nice. For example the foreign doc in my class needs to miss this Fri because of some family emergency....he is ALWAYS so very polite and he asked me nicely if it would be a problem if I'd share my recorded lecture. Of course I help him out. Besides he is trying so hard, English is not easy for him and he is always in class. People who have already gotten their foot in their mouth on the other hand....oh well I am not worried about them.
    Last edit by stpauligirl on Oct 11, '06
  7. by   lisabeth
    I started to put it in the general nursing forum because I knew more nursing students would reply. I know what they would say. I just wonder what she will do when she gets into the program. Would she really be brave enough to miss classes then? I doubt it.
    I know many people who have to do it, and I know it would be very hard, but she may as well start doing the responsible thing now before things get hard. Not to say the pre-requisites are easy, but I know the hardest is yet to come.
  8. by   WDWpixieRN
    I don't even think nice or not has anything to do with it....if you feel you're being used, then it's not worth it to be "nice"...some people will kill you with kindness just to take advantage...I don't like sharing my notes (mine are icky, too), and there are many times I'd prefer not to go to class...but it was understood when I signed up what *my* obligation was....don't sweat it....continue to be cordial to this person (in case she shows up in your NS class!), but you're not obligated to get someone else through school...she could also just be painfully shy and have personal problems in addition to school, but those still aren't reasons to feel you have to bail her out if you're not inclined....
  9. by   lisabeth
    Shy? Not her. She will tell an instructor that they dont know what they are talking about. I promise, she is NOT shy. I can understand you suggesting it, because in lots of cases I am shy and so are most people, but not when someone is about to take me. I would never choose to be hateful or directly mean, but I will stand up for myself.

    Quote from wdwpixie
    I don't even think nice or not has anything to do with it....if you feel you're being used, then it's not worth it to be "nice"...some people will kill you with kindness just to take advantage...I don't like sharing my notes (mine are icky, too), and there are many times I'd prefer not to go to class...but it was understood when I signed up what *my* obligation was....don't sweat it....continue to be cordial to this person (in case she shows up in your NS class!), but you're not obligated to get someone else through school...she could also just be painfully shy and have personal problems in addition to school, but those still aren't reasons to feel you have to bail her out if you're not inclined....
  10. by   texas_lvn
    Someone in my Micro class lent out their folder, with it being the weekend before the test. He did not do good. There is a copier in the library. If it is a one time event, I will escort my notes to the copier, eagle-eye them while they are there, and get them back. My notes do not go outta my hands for long.

    TA, I do not think you were mean. You know her better than us, but she may be under alot of stress. She may have more than one job (I do), and you have no idea what her home life is like.

    I make it to classes, and I work 100 plus hours a week. I bring my scantron when needed, my pencil, and my brain. If she can not make it, she needs to re-evaluate herself. I know I am getting by on the skin of my teeth.

    But, no matter how tired I am, how much needs to be done, I always have a smile for my classmates. You never want to burn any bridges.
  11. by   JaxiaKiley
    I not really a note taker, so it's never been a problem for me. But, if I were, nice will get you a lot more credit in my world...
  12. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    I dont depend on everyone else because I dont feel like going to class, and I dont want to be used either
    Same here. Given the situation, i would have said no, too.
  13. by   KungFuFtr
    Quote from TexasAngel
    There is one girl in my class who never comes to class because she works the night shift. I have walked up to her many times and spoken and she just smiles one of those "Do I have to do this" kind of smiles, but I speak anyway.
    Well, today I walked up as I was waiting on class to start and she was sitting on a bench. I sat down on the other side and said hello. She gave the same smile as always.
    A minute later, she had the nerve to ask me if I had the notes from Monday. I told her no. I know she stayed after class to talk to the instructor afterwards and I am sure she layed the pity party on him. I am not sympathetic for 2 reasons.

    1. the way she acts on a regular basis

    2. I put off going back to school for years because of that very same concern. I knew I would not have the drive to make it to class every day.
    So, tell me, was I mean? I dont think so. I dont depend on everyone else because I dont feel like going to class, and I dont want to be used either.

    If she came to class most days, but missed occasionally, I wouldnt mind. I dont mind helping those who try, nor do I mind helping a freind.
    I think you should have said nothing and given her the ""do I have to do this"" smile right back.
  14. by   bethin
    Quote from MBA2BRN
    No, I do not think you are mean. I never let anyone borrow my notes. I do not trust I will get them back in time or that I won't need them to refer to during lecture. I also have a tendency to take notes that would confuse anyone that is not me.
    I learned not to give out your notes the hard way. At a previous college I was majoring in pre law. Was taking a very tough international law class taught by a professor that used to teach at Loyola. I had 1000+ pages of notes, graphs, and general information. This all had to be turned in at the end of the year as part of the final. A classmate asked me if she could borrow the book(as all these papers by then had become a JCPenney catalogue) and would bring it back to the next class. I said ok because I'm a pushover. She never returned it. I spent the last week of classes making new notes, copies of graphs, and everything else I had lost. No way could I replace what I lost. Turns out she's also the girl who would take out law books and hide them throughout the library so no one could do their research.


    No, you were not mean. We are all adults. Everything we do has a consequence and your classmate needs to recognize that. You work hard, you come to class prepared. She should not be awarded for missing class or coming in late.

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