Stupid things that nurses say

Nurses Humor

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I'm going to pick on myself for a moment. I have to admit that sometimes I blurt things out without truly thinking about it. Today I said something ( without thinking) to a patient that was purely stupid.

Long story short: My patient had to drink a medication that did not taste so good. She had to drink a whole cup and the only thing I could do to make it bearable was to add a little ice.

Patient: "This taste horrible"

Me: "Just imagine it is a magarita on the rocks";)

Patients' husband: " That is not a good idea, since we are both recovering alcoholics"

Me: " Oh you are right...bad idea, never mind.:o( then I proceed to use more therapeutic interventions)

Needless to say I learned my lesson, never assume anything.:nono:

I now except my award for blurting out the most stupid thing ever!

:thankya:

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

One day I heard a newer nurse happily chatting away in a room in the ICU and I heard her say....

"Oh..... I just kill everything I touch". :eek:

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Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

Funny stuff!

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Short version of my story is I accidentally told a pt I did not want her "to go down on me" when I really meant fall down on the floor. Oh I was dying trying to get out of that room I was so embarassed.

calinurse......I was getting a check up at my doctors (who works with me mind you) and he was listening to my heart, shirt pulled up and all. He tells me to hold my breasts, so obviously I think he can't hear my PMI clearly so I move them around, he looks and says to hold my breasts again so I am there.....fondling myself and I say "can you not hear? Do you want them up, down, to the side?" He says "no, hold your BREATH....I thought I was going to croak right then and there

th_ROFLMAO-1.gif Now that's funny...

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Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.

I am/was an L&D nurse, and while giving a physician report on a patient that had recently been admitted for a labor check, I said to the physician (in front of the patient) that she had "gross fluid" (meaning that her water had broken and there was a copious amount of it). The patient, of course, thought I meant the layperson's meaning for "gross" and was really hurt and offended.

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CNA to patient "Do you want to see the Chiropodist?" Pt was an above knee amputee, both legs!!

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Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.
one day i heard a newer nurse happily chatting away in a room in the icu and i heard her say....

"oh..... i just kill everything i touch". :eek:

....speechless haha.gif

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Specializes in Peds; rehab.

Glad to know I'm not the only one...

A few nights ago, another nurse and I were changing an elderly man. Me: "Hold on while I try to get it up" meaning the edge of the attends... Other nurse: "Really??" As she tries to hold in her laughter until we get out the door...Note to self, think before you speak! LOL

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Had a pt on a bumex drip and cardio called in the am before I left for the night to see how she was progressing. Is the patient positive or negative? Was the question. My response: well, it's hard to tell because she slept most of the shift, but she seems to be in good spirits when she's awake. All I heard was silence followed by laughing. I meant intake and output he said. I was a brand new nurse-my coworkers were more than amused. Ivanna

Hahahahaha!!! I love this one! It's my new favorite!!! Totally sounds like something I would have said!!

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my grandma had a mastectomy back in 1978 - back in those days they didn't do reconstructive surgery, so she has a "realistic" plastic boob she tucks in her bra...she was in rehab last year after breaking her leg, and they would weigh her daily, some days with the boob, some days without - turns out that thing weigh 5 lbs LOL!!!
lol..super funny.
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Specializes in Oncology.

I walk into my patient's room.

Me: "Something smells good in here. Did someone bring you Bojangles?"

Patient and family break into peals of laughter.

Patient looks at me sheepishly: "I farted..."

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Specializes in ICU + Infection Prevention.

Anytime this is said to someone besides a nursing student: "The patient's nursing diagnosis is XYZ."

Nobody else in the world cares or understands, including most nurses.

Watching the facial expressions of a doctor and RT when an RN shared this information was rather hilarious in a sad way.

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Specializes in Care Coordination, MDS, med-surg, Peds.

I told 2 squabbling 80 + yr olds to "GO to your room, if you can't get along". (I work LTC.) Then I remembered, not only was that probably NOT appropriate for me to say, but they are in the SAME room!! LOL

I opened a closet in a hospital room and cigarette smoke rolled out. I turned to the 70 yr old in bed, with O2 in place, and said; "Have you been smoking in your closet?!!" to which she innocently replied, "NO!".

LOVE this thread!!!!!!

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