Stupid things that nurses say

We were passing out the dinners to the residents in the dining room.

The kitchen was serving pork chops.

Well, the pork chops tended to be rather tough and dry, but lo-and-behold!

It just so happened that on this particular night, the pork chops were actually juicy and tender.

For some reason, I was really really excited by this and I exclaim... rather loudly... for my hard-of-hearing resident,

"Ooooh! Look, Loretta!

They porked the cook good!"

Now, you tell me how that goes over when your co-workers are all a bunch silly young girls and two saucy young fellas...

Oh, and of course, there's family in there too.

I didn't live that one down for a long time!

That made me laugh so hard my dog is looking at me like I'm crazy. :rotfl: I can't stop giggling.

The dumbest thing I hear nurses say is "(the patient is) voiding q shift." Really? The patient voids every 8 hours? Many nurses don't understand the difference between "q shift" and "qs" (quantity sufficient).

I was taught in school and by my jobs that qs = every shift. That would mean to me that the pt voided at least once a shift at some point during the shift. Q8h is every 8 hours. And I work 12 hour shifts so qs is at least once during the 12 hours.

The stupidest thing I can think of that I've done recently was when I was taking care of a grouchy male pt. He had a feeding tube and was on a vent. Well, I'd be cranky too. But I was trying to cheer him up. So I said to this poor guy, "Oh come on cheer up! It's almost supper time and we're having burgers!" Yes, to this poor man with a feeding tube!!!! It hit me as soon as the words were out of my mouth....and I didn't know what to say so I just kinda mumbled, "Sorry." And then, "I'll go get your meds!" And ran outta the room. But if looks could kill, I'd be one dead nurse lol.

Oh, I wouldn't say that was the most stupid thing ever......lots of nurses let things slip past their filters that are downright offensive.

Of course, I would never say anything like this to a patient's granddaughter:

DGD to nurse: "Grandpa's not doing very well tonight. His doctors told me he's at death's door."

Nurse: "I'm sure sorry. Hope they can pull him through."

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: now THAT sounds like something I would say!!!

I can't think of too many terrible things I have said. I think that means there were too many to note.

I have been out to much with my son and had the waitress talk to us as if we were married. We were all embarrassed.

I have found myself babysitting and talking to the child as if it were my dog.

"Leave it" my dog understands. Great command. My dog will drop anything when I say that. The child not so much. I think I even once asked him to "sit". Good think I caught it before I got to down, stay, and roll over.

As a 18 year old patient care tech on a rehab floor-

Me, bending down to look under hospital bed "Where's your other shoe?"

Patient: "I only have one leg!"

:uhoh21:

As a 18 year old patient care tech on a rehab floor-

Me, bending down to look under hospital bed "Where's your other shoe?"

Patient: "I only have one leg!"

:uhoh21:

I was a brand spanking new 19 year old CNA still training on my floor. A resident went out and had her leg amputated. She came back and the nurses and CNAs were doing the admission stuff. The CNA I was training with was getting her weight. No one could understand why she had lost all this weight at the hospital. I didn't want to be a smart @$$ so I was standing in the corner keeping my mouth shut while they reweighed her. Finally I spoke up and said, "Um, how much does a leg weigh?"

I had worried they'd be mad, but they laughed and laughed (as did the resident ). I worked there for 10 years and left after I got my RN, but the CNA I trained with was still there and would tell the story to new CNAs every once in a while lol.

Thanks guys for posting. I know I'm not the only one. I have another funny for you all.

Last week I offered a nurse and a doctor a mint. The nurse accepted the mint, the doctor stated " no thanks" .

Me: " It is always the people who really need a mint that refuses"

I honestly made a general statement, but since the doc refused a mint, I hope she didn't think it was directed towards her.

I'm sure her breath smells fine.

Not nursing but...

Lady: OH IT HURTS SO BAD I CAN'T EVEN LOOK! MY ANKLE!

I expose her ankle which is the most gloriously dislocated ankle fracture I've ever seen. (angulated 30deg and heavily translated ~3" anterior... it was unreal) I hear myself let out a whistle like a cat-call.

Lady: DON'T WHISTLE AT IT! OH GOD HOW BAD IS IT THAT YOU WHISTLED AT IT!

Me: Uh... we will take great care of you and get you down off of here.

Lady: OH NO IT MUST BE AWFUL!

Me: Uh... would you like some pain meds?

Lady: *Glares* YES!!!!!!!!!!!! $#*&@$!!!!

Short version of my story is I accidentally told a pt I did not want her "to go down on me" when I really meant fall down on the floor. Oh I was dying trying to get out of that room I was so embarassed.

I was trimming the fingernails of a one of my diabetic residents, and chatting with him. All of the sudden, I told him "I can't trim your toe nails because you are a diabetic". Problem is, he is a double amputee. Fortunately, he also has one heckuva great sense of humor.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: now THAT sounds like something I would say!!!

I just caught on to that!!!! Too freakin funny. I would totally say that !!!

Short version of my story is I accidentally told a pt I did not want her "to go down on me" when I really meant fall down on the floor. Oh I was dying trying to get out of that room I was so embarassed.

Too funny!!!!

I have another one: When I was in my mother/baby rotation I had to assess a women postpartum. This was my first assessment so ofcourse my CI was watching me like a hawk.

I start with the head and so on so fourth.

My CI then prompts me to assess her breast.

I look unhook the gown to assess the womens' breast and they are HUGE then I loudly say: " Oh, wow... they are engorged!!!!!"

In the midst of an unpleasant procedure, I heard myself say, "This will feel so good when it quits hurting."

The patient half chuckled, then roared, "I sure as hell hope so!"