The math doesn't add up - page 11

by noyesno 17,708 Views | 132 Comments

I'm a math person, so it really bothers me when my manager asks us to do an additional task or duty without subtracting a current task or duty. The math doesn't add up. Our current duties take up a full shift. If you add... Read More


  1. 11
    Thank you, dear patient, for coming to us when you were in labor. Thank you further for choosing the local medical school to provide your obstetrical care rather than the group of private physicians that were also available, and then screaming the entire labor about "all those mofos in my business and in my dookie!" You could have chosen ONE doctor instead of a herd of doctors, but then what would you have had to complain about? By the way, what exactly is a dookie? Is that the same thing as a monkey or a pocketbook or a cat? Thank you, also, for your excessive lack of personal hygiene prior to your scheduled induction. Bathing probably takes too much time away from texting, tweeting, and threatening the putative father with child support. I just adore the smell of tuna left out in the August sun! Thank you for bringing your 8 visitors with you despite the sign and my polite reminders about only 3 visitors in the room at any one time. So sorry I couldn't provide a pallet on the floor as requested by that one particularly charming fellow. The verbal abuse I caught when I refused to part with 3 blankets so he could stretch out on the floor certainly broadened my horizons when it comes to profanity! My, but he is a poetic fellow. Thank you also for bringing your drama. I haven't gotten to see Jerry Springer all week because I'm employed, but this certainly filled in the gaps! To hear that you didn't discover you'd procreated with your second cousin until after it was "too late to do sumpin about it" really made my day. I'm an old fashioned girl, and always liked to know the last name of the person I was intimate with, thus sparing me those pesky incestuous situations, but I certainly see the excitement of doing it your way. And I was truly inspired with your mothering when you handed the baby back to me and told me you'd hold him after we cleaned him up, because he was "nasty." Yes, he probably was considering the entrance you provided him to the world. Thanks for refusing that tubal ligation, too, because we certainly hope to see you back here next year!"

    Yeah, I can see why I wasn't asked to design the cards for our unit.

    In all seriousness, I have sincerely thanked a few patients for letting me take part in their miracle, but not because I was forced to do it to satisfy Mr. Press and Mr. Ganey (I'm sure many nurses would like to meet these two alone in a dark alley some day). It totally loses all meaning if everyone gets a card. Honestly, I wasn't thankful for some of our patients, except maybe being thankful when they headed out the door.
    DizzyLizzyNurse, SandraCVRN, GrnTea, and 8 others like this.
  2. 5
    Quote from 0402
    Just last night, a pt asked one of the nurses for one of our "star" cards so that she could write one for the nurse "with the dark hair that's in a bob," which is me. I had had the pt the previous 2 nights, and the pt mentioned my name when the charge nurse rounded at the beginning of the shift. However, by the time she asked for the card and wrote on it, the name on the card was "Nika." Nika is not my name, and in fact, only the 'a' is even in my 5 letter, fairly simple, fairly common first name. The charge nurse did clarify that she was actually talking about me. For the rest of the shift, I was referred to as "Nika" by my co-workers. I guess I should be happy that I'm not being disciplined for her not remembering my name. =)
    Heck, at least she remembered you!

    I used to work 7p-7a hospital shifts. This only happened a few times, but IMHO it was a few times too many: Assigned to Patient X at 7pm. Go to see Patient X, introduce myself, do the once-over assessment, see if there's anything needed (meds, etc) and then move on. See same patient at 9pm for meds. Inform Patient X that no, he could NOT have a sandwich, as he was NPO. See same patient at 11pm in case there's anything needed before shift-change report. Go to see same patient at 2am, when he's awake and wanting something....and what he wants is to tell me that the "evening nurse" told him he could have a sandwich if he woke up during the night! "umm, no, that was ME, and I never said you could have a sandwich". Ok. Fast-forward to 6am, doing assessments and meds on same patient, who then COMPLAINS to me that "the night nurse" was mean to him and wouldn't give him a sandwich!! Argh.....STILL me, jaggoff......nice to made an impression!
  3. 0
    Quote from monkeybug
    Thank you, dear patient, for coming to us when you were in labor. Thank you further for choosing the local medical school to provide your obstetrical care rather than the group of private physicians that were also available, and then screaming the entire labor about "all those mofos in my business and in my dookie!" You could have chosen ONE doctor instead of a herd of doctors, but then what would you have had to complain about? By the way, what exactly is a dookie? Is that the same thing as a monkey or a pocketbook or a cat? Thank you, also, for your excessive lack of personal hygiene prior to your scheduled induction. Bathing probably takes too much time away from texting, tweeting, and threatening the putative father with child support. I just adore the smell of tuna left out in the August sun! Thank you for bringing your 8 visitors with you despite the sign and my polite reminders about only 3 visitors in the room at any one time. So sorry I couldn't provide a pallet on the floor as requested by that one particularly charming fellow. The verbal abuse I caught when I refused to part with 3 blankets so he could stretch out on the floor certainly broadened my horizons when it comes to profanity! My, but he is a poetic fellow. Thank you also for bringing your drama. I haven't gotten to see Jerry Springer all week because I'm employed, but this certainly filled in the gaps! To hear that you didn't discover you'd procreated with your second cousin until after it was "too late to do sumpin about it" really made my day. I'm an old fashioned girl, and always liked to know the last name of the person I was intimate with, thus sparing me those pesky incestuous situations, but I certainly see the excitement of doing it your way. And I was truly inspired with your mothering when you handed the baby back to me and told me you'd hold him after we cleaned him up, because he was "nasty." Yes, he probably was considering the entrance you provided him to the world. Thanks for refusing that tubal ligation, too, because we certainly hope to see you back here next year!"

    Yeah, I can see why I wasn't asked to design the cards for our unit.

    In all seriousness, I have sincerely thanked a few patients for letting me take part in their miracle, but not because I was forced to do it to satisfy Mr. Press and Mr. Ganey (I'm sure many nurses would like to meet these two alone in a dark alley some day). It totally loses all meaning if everyone gets a card. Honestly, I wasn't thankful for some of our patients, except maybe being thankful when they headed out the door.
    Yeeaaaaah, this sounds a little more *personal* than just your run of the mill obnoxious patient annoyance...
  4. 0
    All I can say to this is A - fricken' Men!

    Quote from BostonTerrierLoverRN
    To me it just screams: Please Don't Sue Us, or Talk Negatively about Your Stay...

    What's really SICK is the dissection of this idea.

    That society trusts the nurse- not the Corporation.

    They are writing the card through your respect, your NAME, and your reputation that you earned by your sweat, your earned trust, your sacrificed back, sore muscles, and sometimes even your tears,...all because:

    They've damaged their reputations as uncaring profit driven, procedure delaying, unethical deciding, money grubbing, chess playing, jet-setting, mafia like, god complexic, and irresponsible brats. They can't even pretend to be "human" anymore.

    This is mind blowing obvious- they can't write the cards because they know it will be laughed at- and they'll probably send it with their bill which they know would be hypocritical.

    The patients know the hospital makes their money by diagnosis, and gets them discharged ASAP ready or not!

    "...So we'll mask the monster we are by the precious, caring, and trusted name of our Nurses!"

    It's all about Preventive Damage Control- NOT GRATITUDE!!! Do you think their trying to promote our name,... Or theirs? Don't tarnish my name- it's mine! You are renting my knowledge and service- you have no right to my name.

    I'm NOT a Marketing Agent, a Damage Control Agent, or a Rented Reputation- I am a Nurse(who can decide all by myself where to sign my John Henry!).
  5. 1
    The last I heard, "Dookie" refered to feces...poop...she must have had your unit confused with a proctologists office. Of course that term went out of style in the mid 80's, but if the trends are anything like the clothes I've been seeing, them days are BACK.
    DizzyLizzyNurse likes this.
  6. 3
    Quote from trueblue2000
    Obviously, there a different opinions on this issue. My hospital system sends thank you cards to patients and none of the nursing staff seems bothered by it. Actually, on our post discharge telephone surveys, patients mention the card and say they appreciated the gesture. I have never heard any of my colleagues complaining that signing those cards it is too much work or it is an asinine idea. I don't know, maybe we are just not bitter about our professional choices and happy with our work. Relax people, it is OK for nurses to disagree on issues.
    Calling your BS. You weren't just disagreeing, you flat out told people to stay at home and let other people who can handle the work do it. That is not a healthy debate attitude. It was immature and rude.
  7. 0
    Quote from tokmom
    You could always write the thank you notes in whilst sitting on the potty. I'm surprised management hasn't tapped into that.
    LOL!!! Potty break. Right
  8. 0
    Quote from PeepnBiscuitsRN
    The last I heard, "Dookie" refered to feces...poop...she must have had your unit confused with a proctologists office. Of course that term went out of style in the mid 80's, but if the trends are anything like the clothes I've been seeing, them days are BACK.
    Maybe it's a regional thing, but we heard it a lot. Dook or Dookie for vagina. I've given up being surprised at the names people will use when they could simply say "vagina."
  9. 1
    Quote from triquee
    Yeeaaaaah, this sounds a little more *personal* than just your run of the mill obnoxious patient annoyance...
    I wish I could say that I made this all, but I didn't, and I wish I could say that this was 1 person, but it wasn't. It was several very memorable people combined! Most of the days I loved working in L&D, but sometimes, Lord help me, I despaired for the future of the human race.
    metal_m0nk likes this.
  10. 5
    Quote from wooh
    When I asked why housekeeping couldn't do a certain new housekeeping task instead of nursing being expected to do it, I was told they don't have time, they'd have to hire more people. But it was added to the nursing load without hiring more nurses?
    Nurses are so widely-known to be terrible managers of time. If you just manage your time better, there's an infinite number of things you can accomplish in 12 hours.

    Really, magical thinking is an identifying trait of politicians, bureaucrats (govt and corporate) and lousy managers. Oh, yes, and two-year-olds, too.
    DizzyLizzyNurse, VICEDRN, Altra, and 2 others like this.


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