The math doesn't add up

[noyesno]

I'm a math person, so it really bothers me when my manager asks us to do an additional task or duty without subtracting a current task or duty. The math doesn't add up.

Our current duties take up a full shift. If you add something more, something else needs to be eliminated.

For example:

When my manager says, "I'd like you to provide the patient with handwritten thank you cards. These cards will take about 2 minutes to write and distribute per patient." She should also say, "therefore, you no longer have to complete care plans for your patients, as those take about the same amount of time. From now on, I will write the care plans for you."

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Monkeybug, I am not kidding here, but we once had a new mother who wanted to name her baby girl "lady parts." She said she heard someone saying the name while she was in labor, and just fell in love with it.

We had one that fell in love with the bestest name for her baby girl: Meconium. We tried to tell her that you can't name your daughter "****" but it went on the birth certificate.

I digress.

Or maybe this could be related to the idea of filling out your cards in the bathroom. Be sure to wash your hands.

[Skips, MSN, RN]

Aaaaaaand that little "must do" would effectively spell the end of CheesePotato's nursing career. Really. Because my mind immediately went to the following chestnut:

"Dear Gentleman of 513B--

That we stand here on the cusp of your release from the hospital to long term intensive care, I would like to take this time to reflect on our time together and offer heartfelt thanks.

Thank you so much for not only drinking and driving but going that extra mile for excellence and bringing it all home with a well placed, "LOL U no it buddyz" text that effectively helped you flip your car across a four lane expressway. I mean, I really didn't need sleep anyway, so getting called out at two AM to flood you with blood products, realign your pelvis, both femurs, your tibia, ulna, place a couple chest tubes and rex open a bit of your skull was exactly what I needed. Let us not forget the vomit and blood on my shoes and scrubs to the point it saturated my undergarments. I had been meaning to swap them out anyway.

Oh, and those other two that suffered from your awesomeness? Yeah, that just made my night way fantastic.

Ah yes, memories.

Thank you. Truly. Thank you.

Love and snuggles,

~~CP~~"

Can you say terminated?

For the life of me, I will never understand management. Last year they wanted us to start verbally thanking patients for "allowing us to participate in their care". Really? You flipped your ATV while high as a kite. This is not really a highlight in my world right now, thank you.

But, may I suggest writing out a few quick fill form letters and having them placed on rubber stamps? Think of the time you will save while meeting your quota of thank you letters!

Cheers,

~~CP~~

P.S.

A certain Lemur mentioned something about a Thank You note meme and after I got done coughing my gum back up out of my lung, I decided that was a splendid idea. Give me a day to get it all ironed out, but it will be a sister blog to my current one *see my profile for details. All credit goes to Lemur for something that is pure hilarity and genius. ::salutes::

You need your own show or column or something....your writing is priceless! I like reading your posts.

[tokmom, BSN, RN]

Monkeybug, I am not kidding here, but we once had a new mother who wanted to name her baby girl "lady parts." She said she heard someone saying the name while she was in labor, and just fell in love with it.

Un freakin' believable.

[Firestarter_RN]

My hospital sent a Thank You note after my father died following 3 hellish days,...."We hope you had a pleasant stay, and come back soon for all your medical needs!" It was handwritten by a Customer Service Rep:(

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

My hospital sent a Thank You note after my father died following 3 hellish days,...."We hope you had a pleasant stay, and come back soon for all your medical needs!" It was handwritten by a Customer Service Rep:(

Shows how much they really care doesn't it......

[rngolfer53]

My hospital sent a Thank You note after my father died following 3 hellish days,...."We hope you had a pleasant stay, and come back soon for all your medical needs!" It was handwritten by a Customer Service Rep:(

I'm sorry about your father. Being with a dying loved one can be traumatic, to say the least.......and to then get such a card.........inexcusable

The note you received is a result of some (incompetent) manager getting a half-baked idea, and doing a lazy, horrible job of implementing it. There's nothing inherently wrong in sending out a card to a patient or family, even one expressing condolences. Failing to implement redundant safeguards so what befell you can't ever happen should be grounds for dismissal of that manager.

[tyvin, BSN, RN]

In home health I got cards and gifts from my hospice families frequently. Isn't it weird that we should be the ones to write patient's thankyou cards...shouldn't it be the other way around? Someone said quit whining and just give em a card. It's the principle of it all. If management wants to send out thankyou cards then let them. Stop putting all the extraneous BS onto the nurses; we are busy enough.

[wooh, BSN, RN]

It's the principle of it all. If management wants to send out thankyou cards then let them. Stop putting all the extraneous BS onto the nurses; we are busy enough.

THIS.

[BostonTerrierLover, BSN, RN]

I am just speechless, I mean, the threads secondary to "Customer Driven" care vs. Holistic Patient Care are terrifying!!! We are headed for a cliff.

Their going to change the ABC's of Nursing Priority to Happiness-Airway-brea....

I know the same thing is happening to MDs and DOs and across the spectrum. We are going to be forced to care more about "Satisfaction" than OUTCOME, and that is just plain scary to me!!

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

You know, I'd love to see a kind of experiment where a hospital is adequately staffed but where administration backs the nurses and customer service is a lot lower on the totem pole than patient care. Then I'd like to see those patient outcomes compared to hospitals that focus on customer service. I bet that the outcomes would be a lot better, patient satisfaction would actually be better because they're getting the care they need from a nurse who's not running off to also try to care for her umpteen other patients, and that there'd be nurses fighting to work at such a place! Sometimes, the way things were done in the past don't need to be changed (reasonable staffing instead of worrying about the bottom line and cutting staff, nurses able to care for patients without worry of being disciplined because they provided the proper care instead of not doing what the patient wanted, etc.).

[martymoose, BSN, RN]

sounds like a great experiment- but some suit would say it costs more.cheap bleeps.

[Glycerine82, LPN]

We have cards in everyone's charts. They're get well cards the secretary gets them ready and everyone signs they're name and maybe a message throughout the patients stay. They aren't thank you cards ( come ON, really??) but the patients do love them. I should also mention were an acute rehabilitation unit and have our patients from 2 weeks to 2 months.

"No day but today"