I'm the nosy lady in walmart. Woopsie.

[Indy, LPN, LVN]

Well, I didn't mean to but oh my, did I piss off a mother in the checkout line today. I got in a line that didn't move, for about five minutes. I became interested in the scene in front of me so I didn't change lanes. There's a mommy, her little girl in the cart, who's about 3-4 years old, and her son standing next to her, and an adult woman with her. The little girl came close to pitching a fit to get out of the cart, which subsided with the threat of a spanking. So far, nothing out of the ordinary, I've been there.

Then the boy decided to use the cart handlebar as a monkeybars-climb-on-thing, and the mom told him no, and put her hand on the back of his neck. I didn't think anything of it till she took her hand off a few seconds later, and I could clearly see red imprints of her fingers and thumb on either sides of his neck. He's a little kid, and she's got long fingers, so the red spots were smack where both his carotids should be. This is the point at which I became interested. She did this intermittently for a couple of minutes, and each time she did, the kid got very quiet and still during the pressure, and his face got pale. (duh!) Each time she released her hand, he started doing this weird little cry thing that sounded sorta like he was about to throw up.

I interpreted it as a potential for neurological damage and/or death, so I spoke up. I said, "excuse me maam, are you aware you're about to seriously injure your child?" Oh boy. Well, she chewed me out about how it's not my business, and got very in-my-face about it. I was relieved because while she was doing that, she wasn't touching her son. Eventually I stated that "you are right maam, except that if he passes out while you're doing that, I'm going to call the police." This got me two cellphones from the mom and her companion, shoved right about an inch from my nose. Silly folks, I don't even own a cellphone- and I realized that people mad enough to do that are probably mad enough to get physical with a stranger. I declined to use their cellphones, stating that it wasn't necessary to call the police at this exact moment, because her child was standing and conscious.

The mom asked me if she had left marks on her child, and I responded, "yes maam, that is why I said something." She told me to "stay out of it" as she got ready to change lanes around me. I said, "yes maam" and let it be. I was pretty happy to see her get out of the store faster, because that would be less time she'd feel the need to keep squeezing her child's neck.

Now, my question is, in what other way could I have interpreted this scene? I don't regret speaking to the mother because a little prevention can go a long way; however in this case I think that mom's not likely to listen to someone else's concerns. There doesn't seem to be a good way to handle things like that.

-Indy

[ItsyBitsySpider, BSN, RN]

You did the right thing Indy, no doubt I would have done the same. Her reaction was probably a result of embarrassment or feeling a little guilty. Maybe next time she goes to cut off the blood supply to her son's head she'll remember you. Not enough people get involved and I think this time it was warranted. Good for you.

[ZASHAGALKA, RN]

I'd of accepted a phone and called 911.

If you really think the woman was performing 'carotid massage' in order to vagal her son into silence, I think that would require child protective services intervention.

Maybe it's just a matter of education, the woman needs to know that her kid isn't being pacified and/or disciplined by her actions, but instead being physically harmed.

Of course, if you'd of reached up for a phone, it would have been pulled back.

But. If you make enough of a stink, Wal-mart has phones and would have called for you, lol, or about you.

~faith,

Timothy.

[Faeriewand, ASN, RN]

Indy, you did the right thing. My background is in Child Development and YES it is our business when a child is being hurt. It takes a village to raise a child after all. Unfortunautly an abuser takes it in steps. She may have started out this way but without intervention will take it a step further. By speaking out you may have just halted her next "step up" in abuse of her child.

We speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. Good for you!

[DusktilDawn]

Despite the fact that "mom" was angry, perhaps in the long run you gave her some food for thought, maybe she didn't know how seriously she could harm her child. Kudos to you. Not everyone has the nerve to speak up.

[mandrews]

I think she is a prime example of someone who needs parenting classes. I think I would have called the police and let DHS follow up with her.

melissa

[goober]

Then the boy decided to use the cart handlebar as a monkeybars-climb-on-thing, and the mom told him no, and put her hand on the back of his neck. I didn't think anything of it till she took her hand off a few seconds later, and I could clearly see red imprints of her fingers and thumb on either sides of his neck. He's a little kid, and she's got long fingers, so the red spots were smack where both his carotids should be. This is the point at which I became interested. She did this intermittently for a couple of minutes, and each time she did, the kid got very quiet and still during the pressure, and his face got pale. (duh!) Each time she released her hand, he started doing this weird little cry thing that sounded sorta like he was about to throw up.

-Indy

The fact that the woman keeps doing this even though its obvious that it is hurting her child is disturbing. I would have called her bluff, taken her phone and had social services there in a heartbeat.

[hollyster]

The fact that the woman keeps doing this even though its obvious that it is hurting her child is disturbing. I would have called her bluff, taken her phone and had social services there in a heartbeat.

I would have called 911. If this is how she acts in private what is she doing to these defenseless children in private? We are all responsible to stop abuse these poor children can not protect themselves.

[Indy, LPN, LVN]

Well, at the end of the day I don't at all feel good about the situation. I really thought that if I took this lady's phone, she'd escalate with me, possibly physically, and it was pretty intimidating. The fact that I didn't take it any further bothers me, but at the same time, I feel strongly about not getting into upsetting and/or dangerous situations with my daughter in tow.

I hope that this mom cooled down and thought about her actions, but really I will probably never know.

So ... I know I have obligations on the job for reporting stuff, are those same obligations in place in, say, the grocery store?

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

The woman probably didn't realize she could have killed her son with her hand placement. I would have asked the cashier to call the police.

[sirI, MSN, APRN, NP]

About the only thing I could add would have been to surreptitiously follow her out of the store and write down the license plate number. Notify the police and/or child welfare authorities and make a report. This type of abuse will most probably not cease. I think you did the best that you could do with what little time you had to think about the situation, including your own safety.

Siri

[LegalBeagle]

Well, at the end of the day I don't at all feel good about the situation. I really thought that if I took this lady's phone, she'd escalate with me, possibly physically, and it was pretty intimidating. The fact that I didn't take it any further bothers me, but at the same time, I feel strongly about not getting into upsetting and/or dangerous situations with my daughter in tow.

I hope that this mom cooled down and thought about her actions, but really I will probably never know.

So ... I know I have obligations on the job for reporting stuff, are those same obligations in place in, say, the grocery store?

If you read about a child's death in the paper or hear of it on the TV, and realize it's the culprit (er mother) you had words with, be sure you report to the police what happened and her reaction so she doesn't just get a slap on the wrist. She may be ignorant of the mechanism of the injuries she is causing her son, but she is not ignorant of the fact that she IS causing injury (thanks to you). She needs to pay a big penalty if she continues to treat her son this way. Your report to the police will help.