I'm the nosy lady in walmart. Woopsie.

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Well, I didn't mean to but oh my, did I piss off a mother in the checkout line today. I got in a line that didn't move, for about five minutes. I became interested in the scene in front of me so I didn't change lanes. There's a mommy, her little girl in the cart, who's about 3-4 years old, and her son standing next to her, and an adult woman with her. The little girl came close to pitching a fit to get out of the cart, which subsided with the threat of a spanking. So far, nothing out of the ordinary, I've been there.

Then the boy decided to use the cart handlebar as a monkeybars-climb-on-thing, and the mom told him no, and put her hand on the back of his neck. I didn't think anything of it till she took her hand off a few seconds later, and I could clearly see red imprints of her fingers and thumb on either sides of his neck. He's a little kid, and she's got long fingers, so the red spots were smack where both his carotids should be. This is the point at which I became interested. She did this intermittently for a couple of minutes, and each time she did, the kid got very quiet and still during the pressure, and his face got pale. (duh!) Each time she released her hand, he started doing this weird little cry thing that sounded sorta like he was about to throw up.

I interpreted it as a potential for neurological damage and/or death, so I spoke up. I said, "excuse me maam, are you aware you're about to seriously injure your child?" Oh boy. Well, she chewed me out about how it's not my business, and got very in-my-face about it. I was relieved because while she was doing that, she wasn't touching her son. Eventually I stated that "you are right maam, except that if he passes out while you're doing that, I'm going to call the police." This got me two cellphones from the mom and her companion, shoved right about an inch from my nose. Silly folks, I don't even own a cellphone- and I realized that people mad enough to do that are probably mad enough to get physical with a stranger. I declined to use their cellphones, stating that it wasn't necessary to call the police at this exact moment, because her child was standing and conscious.

The mom asked me if she had left marks on her child, and I responded, "yes maam, that is why I said something." She told me to "stay out of it" as she got ready to change lanes around me. I said, "yes maam" and let it be. I was pretty happy to see her get out of the store faster, because that would be less time she'd feel the need to keep squeezing her child's neck.

Now, my question is, in what other way could I have interpreted this scene? I don't regret speaking to the mother because a little prevention can go a long way; however in this case I think that mom's not likely to listen to someone else's concerns. There doesn't seem to be a good way to handle things like that.

-Indy

Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho.
I am the nosey lady in the toy dept saying "WHERE is your MOTHER?!!!!"

melissa

I so agree. I hate dodging kids playing tag in the toy department or between the clothing racks while mom is off looking for her next love novel. And the ones who let them run till they are ready to leave, then go to the service counter and have the kids PAGED!!! GEEZZz

My kids stayed in tow or they didnt go. They knew they wouldnt be back if they didnt stick to the mom!!!

Specializes in Med-Surg.

I swear I think that people go to Wal Mart/Kmart to actually beat their kids! I hate both of those stores and avoid them like the plague. Kudos to the one who spoke to the idiot physically abusing her child. Sometimes you wished you had one of those stun guns to use on these people.

Specializes in ER.

Indy,

I admire you for speaking up to the woman in Wal-Mart. I agree with the posters who feel the "mother" didn't know what she was doing was so potentially harmful. If your Wal-Mart is anything like ours, it's full of people who are under-educated, under-paid, over-stressed, and burdened by too many children (part of which I think is the fault of Medicaid, which refuses to pay for birth control, but don't get me started on that topic! :angryfire ). Most of these people come from homes which were abusive, though they don't seem to know it, because they grew up in a home and community where everyone acts the same way, yelling/screaming/cussing at misbehaving children, hitting them, etc. It's obvious that they have no clue that these things are WRONG, as they do them in the ER I work at, even though they KNOW we're mandated to report abuse! :uhoh3:

The fact that it takes so little time (and so little pressure) on a child's carotid artery to cause major damage is unknown to these people, and lasting damage can be caused without a single bruise. :crying2: A spanking probably causes more redness to the rear end than the grip this mother was using - however a spanking to the behind doesn't cut off oxygen to the brain thank goodness!!! :chuckle Judging from your description of the mother and her children, and the way she reacted to your comments, this mother seems to fit right into the category of people most likely to abuse their children, whether on purpose or not.

In Dev. Psychology I remember learning that poor people who have to struggle for existence, who come from a community or family of that viscious cycle of dependance on state welfare, and parents with too many children and too few resources and/or education are exponentially more likely to abuse their children than the average middle class parent. I'm so glad you said something, and I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to explain the reason she could be hurting her child, but I do understand the defense mode, as I've been on the receiving end of a tongue lashing from one of these kinds of parents before. Knocks you off your feet! Hopefully the seed of knowledge you planted will grow even a little bit so this mother will know better in the future!

Most definately the right thing to do..........!! I really amazes me that I see alot of 'child abuse' in public.........WalMart, KMart, etc.......and I usually say something......polite. Sometimes tho'.....I just about bite my tounge off to keep from saying what I 'really' want to say.

"Mind our own business", well I consider it MY business when you doing it right in front of me! It is a law to report child abuse or suspected abuse. I would have taken the phone and called 911..........you probably would have been smacked by the mom or the other lady tho'.....they would have been shocked that you actually took their phone to call.

I remember one time a mom kept hitting her kid telling them to 'shud up'...really loud. You could hear her all over the store. The little kid, about 4-5 was sitting in the seat of the cart and the mom just kept smacking his legs really hard. I was a couple of isles away, but you could hear her smacking the poor kid. I just couldn't take it anymore and went to find that horrible woman. This kids legs were blood red and he was doing that 'funny breathing' type noise when you have cried too much............well, I told that mom if she hit that kid one more time she would know what it felt like (sorry here, but I was saying the first thing on my mind). Before I knew it, about 6-8 other people walked up and told her that after I was done, they too would give her examples of the same.

That lady started yelling about us 'minding our own business' and I politely told her that when she brings it out in public, it IS our business and that it was a crime not to report child abuse.........well, all the color drained from her face and she left the store. One of the other ladies standing there followed her......don't know what happened, but I don't regret any thing I did either.

Speak up...........it may just save a life!!!

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