Dealing With Aggressive Coworkers

Mystery5 · Dec 13, 2004

this new nurse your talking about has no boundaries. You need to establish yours with her and be very clear and assertive about it...like, "I don't like it when you ...."

I'm totally resolved about this now. I've prayed about it and realize that it's cowardly of me to avoid a discussion with this woman, and harmful to myself, her and others. Yes, the personal boundries line is a good one. I plan to pull her aside the next time I see an unacceptable behaviour on her part and be brave and direct. I wonder when I'm working with her next? I'd better go check the schedule... :cool:

rnmelissa · Dec 13, 2004

i had this problem with a travel nurse that i used to work with. she constantly touched me when she spoke or slpped my back. i asked her once to please not touch me. it was inappropiate. she thought i was joking and slapped me harder! i was the charge nurse that night. i repeated that i had asked her to use her voice not her hands when speaking to me and that she was invading my personal space. if she were to touch me again, not only would i write her up but i would also be notifying the nursing supervisor of the issue. she got the point and she became offended! however after that she did not touch me again and dealt with me in an appropiate manner. it worked for me. but i also happen to balance between assertive and aggressive myself.

i'll bet this nurse may be per diem for this reason. maybe she has difficulty fitting in.

but then you also have to work in an area that you aree comfortable with. Best Wishes. ~melissa

AllenJ · Dec 13, 2004

My advise will be to confront this person in a solvent manner, explaining the importance of having a good working relationship and you do find her over powering sometimes. Unfortunately some people act without actually being aware of damages they cause to others. If you are really certain she is a bully, you can invite an independent person to be present when you have a chat. This will cover your back in case she decides to turn the tables.

Good luck.

oldiebutgoodie, RN · Dec 13, 2004

Some people just don't have that internal censor in their head, and say and do whatever pops into their brains.

I can't believe she just got off orientation. I hope I have that kind of confidence in 6 months when I graduate.

I would suggest using humor or "gentle directness" before getting aggressive back (writing her up, etc). When she hits you, say, "I'm not a touchy feely person--I know you'll understand." Use the Broken Record technique from Assertiveness Training, and keep saying it over and over and over.

If she keeps it up, take her aside and say something like, "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but please don't hit me in the arm".

This may nip it in the bud.

oldiebutgoodie

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 13, 2004

http://www.bullyonline.org

I have referred to that site before. It's great. Talks about dealing with all kinds of bullies, from the schoolyard to the workplace, to family members. Good luck. I feel for you.

Blackcat99 · Dec 13, 2004

She sounds like a "loose cannon." If she was very aggressive towards me I would get in her face and be very aggressive towards her in return. You might get lucky. She might lose her temper and hit you in the mouth. You then call the police and she loses her job and she gets to go to jail too. Or she might respect you for standing up to her and may decide to leave you alone in the future. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

mattsmom81 · Dec 13, 2004

Is it possible she is feeling ill at ease and is overcompensating thus coming off overly aggressive.? Some new grads do this to look bigger than they are and try to avoid being picked on.

I agree you need to be assertive with her when she touches you. Share your observations with your direct managers before you have a talk with her. Being very matter of fact, tell her to stop touching you and making unsolicited comments, also that she is not in charge. Hopefully she will respond to this and get the message but she may not.

I worked once with a charge nurse from New York whose personality was bossy and abrasive. She could be very hard on her coworkers. but...once I got to know her and mutual respect developed, she was to me a pussycat. She was also a very good experienced nurse...just a bit hard to take...plus she was an east coast yankee in the south. Many could not take her personality.

Good luck to you. I would think about how good a nurse she is. If she is a good nurse she will hopefully respond to some kind but firm redirection. If she is not that good an addition to your staff, don't waste your time trying to help...talk to her once and if she doesn't immediately respond, just document document document so your managers can take action.

You 'read' like a kind person so I suspect you will give her a chance to improve.

FocusRN · Dec 13, 2004

Well I have a personality that is assertive, and sometimes can get to be aggressive. It seems to me that you like to avoid confrontation, and sometimes it is a good trait sometimes not. I reccommed that you talk to her face to face. Write down what you want to say first and keep going over it until you feel confident with it. Take her aside one day, and let her know how you feel. Another qoute from my daddy is "Speak you mind, speak your heart, but don't disrespect". So tell her how you feel in no uncertain terms, don't sugar coat anything, but at the same time don't disrespect her personally or her nursing abilities. Tell her that you do not appreciate her putting her hands on you, and not to do it, period. Tell her that you feel she is patrinozing, and you don't appreciate these comments. Tell her that even though you two are on the same level professionally, you are an established nurse with the experience to back it up, and she has a lot to learn yet still about the nursing profession, and behaviour in the work place. Let her know that she is no one's boss and needs to stop acting the part. If she doesn't get the point after that, I would say try not to have any contact with her, and when she makes a mistake she will just have to learn the hard way.

I find this direct approach to be much more effective, simply because you are being up front. And no matter how many people may seem, when they are confronted face to face they tend to back down and stay in their place. That is just my 2 cents.

I'm new to this forum, as of today. I would like imput on dealing with aggressive personalities.
We have a new per diem nurse where I work. She is also a brand new RN in her forties. She has a very aggressive personality. She hits me on the shoulder when she talks to me, makes announcements as to who will get the next admit, is bossy about whom I should give information to, makes patronizing comments to me, and generally is offensive, abrasive and obnoxious.
I'm quite taken aback by her behaviour and realize that I generally have a hard time with agrressive personalities. I dislike confrontation and generally like to put people at ease. I've had to point out some mistakes to this new gal, because she still has a lot to learn, being a new grad, and I try and do it very gently.
Now, I realize that I'm going to have to somehow establish my authority with this woman. I have a feeling that her behaviour will escalate since she is already so cocky. I'm hoping that she doesn't get an FTE. I spoke to one of the nursing supervisors whom I'm friends with, and she said that others have noticed this and this woman has actually been spoken to by our manager about this tendency to be too aggressive and that she isn't too open to the fact that she has a problem.
Should I confront her next time she tries to boss me around? Theoretically we are professionally equals, but in reality she is a newbie and I'm an established nurse. I was thinking of writing her a note, outlining the problem, since my manager suggested that when I had a problem with one of the CNA's and didn't want to talk face to face. It worked well. My other option would be to speak with her whenever the behaviour occurs. What do you guys think?

Maggie in NC · Dec 14, 2004

Do ya think she may have heard she has an aggressive personality before? (Said in a sarcastic tone). If she's 40 years old (and I am so I can say this) she's either had another career and transitioned or she has never worked before. Either way, at 40, after finishing nursing school, you know you have an aggressive personality.

I'd take a TOTALLY different approach. I'd ask her flat out what she did prior to nursing. Then I'd ask her why she isn't doing it anymore. File that away. Wait a few days and formulate your conversation around her past experiences and what may have been expected and acceptable in her past career vs. what is expected and what experience she DOESN'T have now. There's nothing wrong with telling her she has an aggressive personality. But, she's not going to change it, no matter what you tell her. So, why not try to work within the confines of what is acceptable behavior and what isn't acceptable given her personality type.

I have an aggressive peronality (go figure), I'm 40, and I am coming out of a TOTALLY different career field. It's a very difficult transition to work with meek/shy nurses who like quiet when I've always worked in loud offices. I'm not suggesting you to give her a break regarding her behavior but, I am suggesting that you look at it from her vantage point-especially after your admission that you don't care for aggressive personalities. One other thing, sometimes people tend to be a certain way to mask their insecurities. Please take that into consideration when you're discussing this with her.

Mystery5 · Dec 14, 2004

Do ya think she may have heard she has an aggressive personality before? (Said in a sarcastic tone). If she's 40 years old (and I am so I can say this) she's either had another career and transitioned or she has never worked before. Either way, at 40, after finishing nursing school, you know you have an aggressive personality.
I'd take a TOTALLY different approach. I'd ask her flat out what she did prior to nursing. Then I'd ask her why she isn't doing it anymore. File that away. Wait a few days and formulate your conversation around her past experiences and what may have been expected and acceptable in her past career vs. what is expected and what experience she DOESN'T have now. There's nothing wrong with telling her she has an aggressive personality. But, she's not going to change it, no matter what you tell her. So, why not try to work within the confines of what is acceptable behavior and what isn't acceptable given her personality type.
I have an aggressive peronality (go figure), I'm 40, and I am coming out of a TOTALLY different career field. It's a very difficult transition to work with meek/shy nurses who like quiet when I've always worked in loud offices. I'm not suggesting you to give her a break regarding her behavior but, I am suggesting that you look at it from her vantage point-especially after your admission that you don't care for aggressive personalities. One other thing, sometimes people tend to be a certain way to mask their insecurities. Please take that into consideration when you're discussing this with her.

Actually, at one time, I'm not sure how long ago, she worked at the front desk of this self same hospital. I hear from others that she was aggressive and obnoxious then as well. She's not well liked because of her overbearing manner.

I work with her monday night. I'm armed and ready. I'm not worried about it, because my experience with bullies is that they back off once they are called on their behaviour. No more kid gloves, the nice treatment didn't work with this one.

Town & Country · Dec 14, 2004

It is my experience that most nurses have "aggressive personalities," LOL. :chuckle

Bjo · Dec 14, 2004

Many places have policies regarding "hostile work environments". I'd check it out because this RN is certainly making yours that way. And dittoe to the others who have said to document. Write down everything hostile that transpires between the two of you. Include the date, time, and if there are any witnesses to the situation.

Good luck!