I'm new to this forum, as of today. I would like imput on dealing with aggressive personalities.
We have a new per diem nurse where I work. She is also a brand new RN in her forties. She has a very aggressive personality. She hits me on the shoulder when she talks to me, makes announcements as to who will get the next admit, is bossy about whom I should give information to, makes patronizing comments to me, and generally is offensive, abrasive and obnoxious.
I'm quite taken aback by her behaviour and realize that I generally have a hard time with agrressive personalities. I dislike confrontation and generally like to put people at ease. I've had to point out some mistakes to this new gal, because she still has a lot to learn, being a new grad, and I try and do it very gently.
Now, I realize that I'm going to have to somehow establish my authority with this woman. I have a feeling that her behaviour will escalate since she is already so cocky. I'm hoping that she doesn't get an FTE. I spoke to one of the nursing supervisors whom I'm friends with, and she said that others have noticed this and this woman has actually been spoken to by our manager about this tendency to be too aggressive and that she isn't too open to the fact that she has a problem.
Should I confront her next time she tries to boss me around? Theoretically we are professionally equals, but in reality she is a newbie and I'm an established nurse. I was thinking of writing her a note, outlining the problem, since my manager suggested that when I had a problem with one of the CNA's and didn't want to talk face to face. It worked well. My other option would be to speak with her whenever the behaviour occurs. What do you guys think?
Well, I'm very proud of myself. Another coworker, who also has an aggressive personality and gets too much in my personal space and touches too much, started rubbing my neck. I had decided that I really, although we had exchanged neck rubs a couple of times, I didn't want these uninvited ones from her. So, I nicely told her no thanks, she said " you don't like my neck rubs?", in a pleading voice, and I said again, nicely, 'no thanks'.
I think I'm becoming more aware of my personal boundries and less fearful to ask for respect of them. This gal backed off, I cont'd to be friendly to her t/o the night, and it was a good practise run for me for that other gal. :)
This is basic. There is difference between being aggressive, and being assertive. Most aggressive persons use the attack apporach to demand their way, and to gain respect for themselves. This behavior has a negitive outcome for them, and for others around them. Assertiveness is positive, it states the positive, and gains the respect of others. Even the aggressive person respects the assertive one. Nursing must be made into a healing environment, because that is what it is all about anyway.
well, i found out alot more about this situation. for one thing, i discovered that this woman had worked 14 years for this hospital, had gone to nrsg school paid for by the hospital under the promise to work there for a year. well, this being a small community hospital in a desirable small town, on med-surg there is no nrsg shortage, and there is not an opening for her there, but she is aggressively holding the hospital to a promise of employment in the contract they signed. she has offended many people with her cocky attitude.
my nrsg supervisor friend ended up speaking with my manager regarding this woman's problems, which has been noticed by not just me. she confided to me that my manager stated that perhaps this aggressive woman would be better off in sop (club med) where there are a lot of strong personalities, and the pts are mostly unconcious, and it might be best if she doesn't get an fte on m/s.
meanwhile, in an attempt to collect my thoughts, i ended up drafting a short letter to her, ran it by my nrsg supervisor friend, and she said it sounded good. here it is:
dear laura,
i just wanted to communicate a few things quickly with you...
first of all, i dislike being touched by others generally, such as when they speak to me. unsolicited touching is unwelcome.
secondly, i think our working relationship will improve if we always confer with one another regarding pt assignments and admits. i feel it is imappropriate for you to announce a unilateral decision based solely on your personal preferences.
thirdly, i feel uncomfortable when you adopt a patronizing tone of voice or choice of words with me. it makes me feel belittled and i'd like it if you'd avoid it from now on, thanks.
if you'd like specific examples please feel free to speak directly with me. otherwise i will, from now on, try and bring up anything as it occurs.
Well, I'm very proud of myself. Another coworker, who also has an aggressive personality and gets too much in my personal space and touches too much, started rubbing my neck. I had decided that I really, although we had exchanged neck rubs a couple of times, I didn't want these uninvited ones from her. So, I nicely told her no thanks, she said " you don't like my neck rubs?", in a pleading voice, and I said again, nicely, 'no thanks'.
Please send her my way!
I have seen nights I would PAY somebody to rub my neck and shoulders! I would be thrilled if someone did that to me..........seriously. I get soooo tense in my shoulders....I used to work with this wonderful CNA who would do your shoulders, your back, whatever.....ahhhhh, it was GREAT.
I would love it if someone came up to me and started giving me a neckrub!
I have seen nights I would PAY somebody to rub my neck and shoulders! I would be thrilled if someone did that to me..........seriously. I get soooo tense in my shoulders....I used to work with this wonderful CNA who would do your shoulders, your back, whatever.....ahhhhh, it was GREAT.
I would love it if someone came up to me and started giving me a neckrub!
Well not everybody is as comfortable with this as you and when someone insists on touching you without making sure its OK, it is IMO aggressive behavior. It is not fair to trivialize her concerns.
I worked in a hospital where people had their hands on each other all the time and it made me uncomfortable as I do not like people becoming overly familiar without my consent. So I understand the OP...
I often give people a quick neck/upper back rub. It's very obvious when it's not welcome, muscles tense up etc. Now I generally ask first, but if I forget and I feel that tensing up, I back off and apologize. Most like it, many ask for it, some don't. Just being aware of the people around you is important.
Mystery: I liked the letter, you expressed yourself very well. Being a touchy-feeley myself, I also don't like being punched when spoken to, big difference in types of touch and motivations.
Mystery: I liked the letter, you expressed yourself very well. Being a touchy-feeley myself, I also don't like being punched when spoken to, big difference in types of touch and motivations.
Good luck!
Thanks. I'm at work now and things are slow. I delivered the letter to her box. I work with her Monday night, we'll see how that goes.
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Well not everybody is as comfortable with this as you and when someone insists on touching you without making sure its OK, it is IMO aggressive behavior. It is not fair to trivialize her concerns.
I worked in a hospital where people had their hands on each other all the time and it made me uncomfortable as I do not like people becoming overly familiar without my consent. So I understand the OP...
Me, too. Only people I want touching me are those I know intimately. It's both cultural and personal preference for me.
mattsmom81
4,516 Posts
My experience is more have passive aggressive personalities.