any comment?

[unwanted RN]

Hello, I have finally decided to join this forum for maybe somebody somewhere is in the same situation I am in right now, and maybe that very person could advise me on what I can possibly do. I have graduated with BSN last year in May and ever since I have stayed home taking care of my children unable to work. My problem is that I am doing all the parenting myself because my husband has started his business and somehow thinks it is below him to help me at least take the children to school in the morning, even though he leaves home around 10:30 am to his office! as a result I am unable to begin any training or internships which are available only in hospitals and are all day. The internships include classes, certifications, and of course rotating shifts which are 7 am to 7 pm for about 2 months. There is absolutely no way I can do this because I have to take the kids to school in teh morning and pick them up 3:30. I told the hospitals that I can train between 8am and 3:30pm to learn skills and see how the shifts work, and work full 12 hour shifts on weekends nights, but they say I had to experience the shift changes at 7 am and 7 pm. So, my inability to complete the internship lies in not being able to attend the shift changes. During my school practicum I have done about 200 or more shift changes and I am very familiar with them it is not a new concept so, I cannot understand why all teh hospitals are so adamant about the shift change? I am more concern about learning my skills that might be new to me. At this point I am so frustrated because not a single hospital in Houston has enough sense to offer me some flexibility . I have an active license and offering enough time to train, but I cannot because of some inconvenient standards . Unwanted RN whose license is rotting away.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

it doesn't look like i will be able to work as a nurse until my children grow up and are more independent. i came to this country 11 years ago and have been married for 10 years. my husband is 52 and i am 35, during those 10 years it has been nothing but a struggle to make him realize that i am a valuable member of this family just to awarded with nasty words and sometimes rough physical treatment in return.

you need to get rid of the husband, make sure you're awarded child support through the courts, and set up an infrastructure of friends and hired help for childcare. if your husband is verbally and physically abusive, you need to leave him not just for your sake, but for the sake of your children as well. do you want your sons to learn that the way to treat women is to use nasty words and "rough physical treatment"? do you want your daughters to learn that marriage means putting up with abuse? leave now! stay in a shelter with your kids while you find a job and go through orientation. that will take care of the child care issues in the short run. you may meet some other women in the shelter you can rent a house with to exchange childcare. hospital nursing jobs are extremly flexible for single mothers -- you can work nights while your kids sleep and the housemate is there in case of emergencies, and sleep during the day when your kids are in school.

leave now, before your kids develop a warped sense of values from watching your husband abuse you. the longer you stay, the worse it will get and the harder it will be to leave. and let us know how you do. i'll be praying for you. i've been there -- left with nothing but the clothes on my back. it was the smartest thing i've ever done.

[Mulan]

I would try to arrange the child care, getting to school issue with a stay at home mom in your neighborhhod, you can pay her to do it and she probably would welcome the money.

I think you need to go to work, and get your experience, then you can go per diem or work whatever hours work for you. If you don't go to work now, you may not be able to get a job later, no one will hire you more than likely.

You have to make your own decision about the relationship.

Please come back and keep in touch with what is going on.

Good luck to you.

[sam027000]

Have you considered trying to work as a school nurse in one of the schools your children attend, or trying to get your children into daycare at the hospital. Many larger hospitals have daycare for the children of employees. Also, what about being a public health nurse for the city or county? Although school nurses and public nurses aren't hospital based and you wouldn't get as much hands on training you'd still be working as a nurse which would provide you with income, insurance, and most importantly options if you ever decided to make a change in your family life.

[TazziRN, RN]

Sam, she has absolutely no experience. No school district is going to hire her without experience.

[NurseLatteDNP, MSN, DNP, RN]

Have you tried to send the children to visit grandma or other family member for 2-3 weeks, that way you can at least start your orientation?

That's the only other thing I could think about, everyone else have gave you great tips.

[sam027000]

Sam, she has absolutely no experience. No school district is going to hire her without experience.

You're probably right, Tazzi, but it doesn't hurt to look into it. :)

I looked on the Houston ISD website and they are currently looking for a part-time school nurse and the job posting lists requirements as bachelors degree, RN, Tx DL. It says clinical experience preferred, but doesn't say required. Doesn't hurt to try, ya know, especially if all other options aren't working out.

[unwanted RN]

I agree with all of you that I should get working as a nurse, leave my husband to protect the kids, and free my self from this hopeless situation. I am a very patient person and as long as my kids are safe I can weather any storm, and wait for an opportunity to do the right thing. It used to be much worse in the past when I still had my dignity and fire, now I know how to keep the household quiet so, my kids are not affected . I am going to try to network in their school, even though, it might take some time to do it because I just enrolled them last Fall. It is a Christian school and the people are very nice, and I am hopefull I will be able to work things out in order for me to complete the training and start my nursing career. I know there still are good people out there willing to help, and once I see an opportunity to turn my life around I will certainly do it. Thank you all for the support and prayers. I've always known nurses are amazing people and one day I want to be just like them.

[tvccrn, ASN, RN]

I It used to be much worse in the past when I still had my dignity and fire, now I know how to keep the household quiet so, my kids are not affected .

I hate to tell you but his abuse has already started the downward spiral. If you have to change yourself to "keep the household quiet" then things have gotten bad.

This is how is starts...you keep things quiet, then something else will set him off. It could be something you would NEVER think of. It's a vicious circle and only leaving will change it.

For your sake and the kids sake.....get out now, before something big happens.

tvccrn

[stillpressingon]

I am a very patient person and as long as my kids are safe I can weather any storm, and wait for an opportunity to do the right thing.

I'm taking up with Tazzi. WantedRN, Your children are NOT NOT NOT safe with this man!!!! As long as you are endangered, your children CANNOT get what they need. The "right thing" is to KEEP YOUR CHILDREN SAFE. They need a mother who is safe. Even though it sounds like the abuse is focused at you, your children are still around it. They're still suffering. They're still forced to be in an abusive situation. They're still experiencing the emotional abuse, whether it seems obvious or not. There are so many resources out there; it's time to use them.

[lauralassie]

Sounds like a good idea to talk to your husband,family etc. I would also talk with your supervisor. They may come up with something. But, welcome to nursing. Most every parent that is a nurse has this problem. The hours suck, most hospitals don't care if you like it or not. To be honest, most nurses that we work with don't care. Four years is a long time to come to the realization of what nursing and it's down sides are. But, I'm sure somehting will work out for you. How about travel nurse or nursing home. Usually they are crying for nurses. They may be more willing to work with you.

[gitterbug]

Will the school give you a part time position? Christian schools are less sstringent on some issues. Check on day care that delivers and pick-up the kids, then check on LTC

0800-1600. She loves it. Good luck. I will not advise you on the hubby situation, just know I will add you to my prayers. Be blessed. Sometimes the walls someone puts up are torn down by a higher power and the experience is very humbling.

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

How about travel nurse . Usually they are crying for nurses. They may be more willing to work with you.

Please tell me that you are kidding!!

First, no reputable or ethical travel group, or assignment will take you without at least one year of solid experience. That means work full schedules, not calling off because of child care issues, etc.

Quite bluntly, one really needs more to travel, but that is the MINIMUM requirement. And while agencies will take apps from people with less, most facilities will not accept you for assignments unless they are truly the pits, and cannot get anyone else. These are not safe places for your license.

Second, if anything travel nursing requires the nurse to be MORE flexible and MORE reliable, adhering to the rules and the schedule more stringently than the regular staffer.

Think about it. Travelers are there to fill a hole in the schedule. There are holes in the schedule generally because those positions are the hardest, the most annoying and the most difficult to fill by regular staff. You often get the worst shifts, and rarely get a regular shift - those go (rightfully) to regular staff.

Do you think if the OP cannot get her hospital (that has a vested interest in her and her success) to amend a schedule for her, what are the chances of a nonvested facility wanting to give a temp nurse a preferred set of hours?

Yes, travel groups are desperate for nurses....nurses that do not have problems working any schedule, that are very experienced in their speciality, that have few encumberances. We are frequently obligated to work 44- 48 hours or more a week. And we are generally not given leeway on calling off scheduled shifts - more than one or two and our assignment is cancelled, leaving us having to exit our housing in 24-48 hours, and find our way home, sometimes being billed for the cancellation.

Travelling would not be a good fit for the OP at this time. She also needs more emotional and social support than would be available to a traveler.