Hello, I have finally decided to join this forum for maybe somebody somewhere is in the same situation I am in right now, and maybe that very person could advise me on what I can possibly do. I have graduated with BSN last year in May and ever since I have stayed home taking care of my children unable to work. My problem is that I am doing all the parenting myself because my husband has started his business and somehow thinks it is below him to help me at least take the children to school in the morning, even though he leaves home around 10:30 am to his office! as a result I am unable to begin any training or internships which are available only in hospitals and are all day. The internships include classes, certifications, and of course rotating shifts which are 7 am to 7 pm for about 2 months. There is absolutely no way I can do this because I have to take the kids to school in teh morning and pick them up 3:30. I told the hospitals that I can train between 8am and 3:30pm to learn skills and see how the shifts work, and work full 12 hour shifts on weekends nights, but they say I had to experience the shift changes at 7 am and 7 pm. So, my inability to complete the internship lies in not being able to attend the shift changes. During my school practicum I have done about 200 or more shift changes and I am very familiar with them it is not a new concept so, I cannot understand why all teh hospitals are so adamant about the shift change? I am more concern about learning my skills that might be new to me. At this point I am so frustrated because not a single hospital in Houston has enough sense to offer me some flexibility . I have an active license and offering enough time to train, but I cannot because of some inconvenient standards . Unwanted RN whose license is rotting away.
Hello Caroladybelle, I actually completelly agree with you. I already have done every possible research on nursing entry level jobs outside of hospital, and without any experience nobody will hire me. I am also aware of the fact that nursing is a career which requires professionalism and reliability of physical and emotional caliber. I went into nursing because I love the profession and had every intent to be a reliable and responsible nurse. Calling off shifts and being a burden on my fellow nurses because of issues with my children would be the least thing I would like to do. I am just looking for a way to accomplish the training and start working shifts, once I am done with that I can work nights on weekends and have a sitter during the day. I am working out a plan to leave my husband, but I need to make sure that it does a minimal damage to my kids. I figured I could train during summer when kids don't go to school and have a sitter with them. I didn't think of that before, it just occured to me half an hour ago and made my cheeks all red out of excitement. It might actually work
Specializes in UR/PA, Hematology/Oncology, Med Surg, Psych.
I don't know what to say to help. Just please know that you are a worthwhile, beautiful person that has every right to live in peace and to guide her own destiny by making her own decisions. You should be very proud of your accomplishment by getting your RN, how difficult that must have been with all you were dealing with. I know that leaving will be very hard, and perhaps dangerous. Be exceedingly smart about it and know that one day you will look back at it as the best thing you ever did. You now have the education to support your children on your own, many women do not have that when leaving an abusive situation. I HATE telling another person that I feel they should leave their spouse, but in your situation, I feel you must. Plus I know that in abusive situations, a woman will hardly ever tell others right away the true extent of the abuse, so I feel that your situation may be even worse than we know. My thoughts are with you. Please let us know how you are doing.
And while agencies will take apps from people with less, most facilities will not accept you for assignments unless they are truly the pits, and cannot get anyone else. These are not safe places for your license. Travelers are there to fill a hole in the schedule. There are holes in the schedule generally because those positions are the hardest, the most annoying and the most difficult to fill by regular staff. You often get the worst shifts, and rarely get a regular shift - those go (rightfully) to regular staff.
Whoa! Down, girl, and cap those fangs!!! I have never traveled but I work for a hospital that at one time relied heavily on travelers. We are not "the pits" and we did not give them the crappy shifts. We treated our travelers so well that a large handful of them have not only extended their contracts or come back later for repeat contracts, they have even signed on as "real" staff. I do not claim that all places are like ours, but all places are not the way you described, either.
Your husband needs to participate as a parent. Unless there is something you aren't saying, there is NO reason for him to not participate in the rearing and careing for your children. Take a kid to school? My husband loves to do that for our kid, and he likes the time to spend with small talk in the car. You aren't asking for much.
Finding a sitter is another option.
If your husband is all that and a loaf of bread, then find a hospital that does not require that shift change stuff, that way you can keep him and your job.
If you end up stuck at home and losing your job, you will, in time, realize how unjust the situation is, and your bitterness to your husband will grow. Do you want to live the rest of your life mad at your husband, and mad at yourself for not putting your foot down?
Perhaps you need to be posting your solicitation for help on a marriage/ relationship board. This situation doesn't sound like a job problem. I even wonder if you have permited him to walk on you throughout the duration of your marriage (being the wonderful wife you thought you should be).
Personally, if it were me, it wouldn't have even gotten this far. I think I would've delivered his stuff to wherever his business is and let him live there. You are his wife and friend in addition to the mother of his children. You aren't a plow ox.
[color=#483d8b]please be careful when making all your plans ok? make sure you leave nothing around that your husband can find, make sure he does not know your password to the computer as well.
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[color=#483d8b]this is an abusive relationship, unfortunately one of the danger times can be when the abusee leaves. just be very cautious. trust very few, don't leave a trail. i know i sound paranoid but i had a friend who is no longer here due to the hands of her abuser.
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[color=#483d8b]you sound like a courageous,smart, wonderful, kind woman . please keep us updated on your situation with life, kids, the job, etc.
Specializes in Geriatrics and Quality Improvement,.
This is a great opportunity for a college student to earn extra $$.
Call your local university and speak to the educations dept. ask them if you can post it somewhere, or if they know someone that is in need of this type of arrangement. You can also post in any local church bulletin. You dont have to be a member of the church to post on a bulletin.
Also, last idea, our town has a YES agency (Youth Services) that offers kids great opportunities just like this one, maybe you have something like that where you live.
Many a sucessful woman has maneuvered around their husband to become that way, and when you suceed, your husb. will either support you or continue being self-employed in every measure of that term.
Hello, sorry to hear of your frustrating situation. Maybe instead of a sitter, you can find another parent whose children go to the same school and is willing to set up a car pool. We have neighbors whose kids all go to the same school and it seems like such a waste for us all to drive our kids separately. Although to be honest that is just what we end up doing most of the time. We have only on the odd occasion called up and asked if our son could catch a ride, but each time we asked it was no problem.
Specializes in Critical Care, Pediatrics, Geriatrics.
Where is your household income coming from right now? Who is in control of the money? (I am guessing the answer to both questions is your husband)
Do you have ANY relatives in the States? Are there any friends/aquaintances you made throughout nursing school that could help you? Are you a member of a church or community group that may be able to provide assistance?
I am asking all these questions because based on each of your posts, I agree with the other posters. You are in an abusive and controlling situation with your husband. It amazes me that he even allowed you to attend nursing school because it seems that he is trying to control you physically, financially, and emotionally both directly and indirectly.
I realize that you have been in this marriage for quite some time and that you have learned to cope with his faults. You may even feel like you can control his outbursts by changing YOUR behavoir. However, one fact remains: this dynamic is destroying you and your children whether you want to admit it or not. It sounds like you are in denial. You said yourself that you would leave him but you are afraid to be on your own. That is rationalization of why you CHOOSE to stay...and yes, it is a choice.
You need to GET OUT immediately and take your children with you! Lot's of good advice was given already regarding the 'how' and I am giving you the 'why'....your children deserve better! Your children deserve their mom, not the shell of a woman your husband has created...the bright, vibrant and strong willed woman that moved to a foreign country, taught herself english, and conquered nursing school. THAT woman should have no problem living life on her own. Your children also deserve to be in an environment where they are not learning that is okay for men to abuse women. I know you don't want this cycle of abuse to continue in their lives. And finally and most important...you may be taking the brunt of his abuse, but what happens if he turns on your children. There is no guarantee that he will not. Like you said, your highest priority is your children...so do this for them.
Whoa! Down, girl, and cap those fangs!!! I have never traveled but I work for a hospital that at one time relied heavily on travelers. We are not "the pits" and we did not give them the crappy shifts. We treated our travelers so well that a large handful of them have not only extended their contracts or come back later for repeat contracts, they have even signed on as "real" staff. I do not claim that all places are like ours, but all places are not the way you described, either.
Tazzi, I very much agree with you.
I traveled for a couple of years and found that the facilities I worked in were GREAT. The staff was very nice and my assignments were no different than theirs.
To Wanted RN, I am going to have to just be blunt.
Do what ever you have to do to leave that jerk.
You have the means to give your children a good life financially. And I am sorry if this sounds too harsh, but it is your responsibility to get them out of that situation. YOU will be responsible for their emotional and personality scarring if you choose to stay.
Whoa! Down, girl, and cap those fangs!!! I have never traveled but I work for a hospital that at one time relied heavily on travelers. We are not "the pits" and we did not give them the crappy shifts. We treated our travelers so well that a large handful of them have not only extended their contracts or come back later for repeat contracts, they have even signed on as "real" staff. I do not claim that all places are like ours, but all places are not the way you described, either.
There were no fangs in her statement. Travel nurse positions are no place for a new nurse, let alone one who has so many personal problems.
I know for a fact that carol has been a traveler for years, so she has seen the good, the bad and the ugly. There's a lot of ugly out there.
Specializes in Peds Cardiology,Peds Neuro,Pedi ER,PICU, IV Jedi.
I wanted to thank everybody who didn't mind reading such a long story, I was overwhelmed. I did talk to my husband about hiring somebody to drive our kids to school, but he categorically rejected because of the horrific traffic in the morning here in Houston, and also lots of construction and closures along the way. The school is about 12 miles from our house, but to get there takes quite a skill. I wish I had some relatives here or friends to depend on, but neither I nor my husband do. So, we depend on each other. It doesn't look like I will be able to work as a nurse until my children grow up and are more independent. I came to this country 11 years ago and have been married for 10 years. My husband is 52 and I am 35, during those 10 years it has been nothing but a struggle to make him realize that I am a valuable member of this family just to awarded with nasty words and sometimes rough physical treatment in return. I still don't have the freedom to decide what I want for my self and many times even for my children. I had to learn english on my own and pass a battery of tests to get to the university. My husband was not supportive at all and made it an absolute nightmare for me and the kids. I would never drop school because that was the only way toward my independence. Now I have my degree, but can't work because I cannot get help. I miss being a nurse because I always wanted to be a nurse ever since I took care of my ill grandma as child. In school I planned on working part time nights, but had no idea the training would be such an arduous task , nobody ever mentioned it. I think the only thing I can do right now is to find a teaching position in my kid's school, and return to nursing after my kids become independent. Hopefully, my husband will not sabotage it as he has done many times in the past when I tried to make some income or even new friends. With no income, no savings, no skills, and no person to depend on it is hard for me to leave him. He makes very good money from his business and my children, who mean the world to me, can get everything they need for success. I just have to weather the storm and hope for the best.
UnwantedRN...thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story with us. I hope some of the others on this board have provided useful suggestions to you. I agree with others, you can, as a nurse, provide a very good living for yourself and your children. Now you've just got to figure out a way best to do it, and do it by yourself.
As a male on this board I'm in the huge minority, but I agree with the ladies who say that you are in a bad situation, and that you need to get out. I'm so very sorry for all that you have been subjected to, there's no excuse for it.
Hello, I have finally decided to join this forum for maybe somebody somewhere is in the same situation I am in right now, and maybe that very person could advise me on what I can possibly do. I have graduated with BSN last year in May and ever since I have stayed home taking care of my children unable to work. My problem is that I am doing all the parenting myself because my husband has started his business and somehow thinks it is below him to help me at least take the children to school in the morning, even though he leaves home around 10:30 am to his office! as a result I am unable to begin any training or internships which are available only in hospitals and are all day. The internships include classes, certifications, and of course rotating shifts which are 7 am to 7 pm for about 2 months. There is absolutely no way I can do this because I have to take the kids to school in teh morning and pick them up 3:30. I told the hospitals that I can train between 8am and 3:30pm to learn skills and see how the shifts work, and work full 12 hour shifts on weekends nights, but they say I had to experience the shift changes at 7 am and 7 pm. So, my inability to complete the internship lies in not being able to attend the shift changes. During my school practicum I have done about 200 or more shift changes and I am very familiar with them it is not a new concept so, I cannot understand why all teh hospitals are so adamant about the shift change? I am more concern about learning my skills that might be new to me. At this point I am so frustrated because not a single hospital in Houston has enough sense to offer me some flexibility . I have an active license and offering enough time to train, but I cannot because of some inconvenient standards . Unwanted RN whose license is rotting away.
You cannot expect hospitals to work around your schedule. How about an outpatient clinic or doctors office. There are some other options out there. How did you work things out while you were in school?? Did your husband help? I bet not from the way it sounds. I noticed that you said that "My problem is that I am doing all the parenting myself because my husband has started his business and somehow thinks it is below him to help me at least take the children to school in the morning, even though he leaves home around 10:30 am to his office! "
I could never depend on my ex-husband for anything when it came to the kids. I got a baby-sitter who was wonderful and took care of my girls even when I worked midnights. Took me 11 years to wake up and smell the coffee that my ex wasn't going to change and got a divorce. We can give you ideas out the wazoo but you have to be the one to take the initiative.
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unwanted RN
8 Posts
Hello Caroladybelle, I actually completelly agree with you. I already have done every possible research on nursing entry level jobs outside of hospital, and without any experience nobody will hire me. I am also aware of the fact that nursing is a career which requires professionalism and reliability of physical and emotional caliber. I went into nursing because I love the profession and had every intent to be a reliable and responsible nurse. Calling off shifts and being a burden on my fellow nurses because of issues with my children would be the least thing I would like to do. I am just looking for a way to accomplish the training and start working shifts, once I am done with that I can work nights on weekends and have a sitter during the day. I am working out a plan to leave my husband, but I need to make sure that it does a minimal damage to my kids. I figured I could train during summer when kids don't go to school and have a sitter with them. I didn't think of that before, it just occured to me half an hour ago and made my cheeks all red out of excitement. It might actually work