any comment?

[unwanted RN]

Hello, I have finally decided to join this forum for maybe somebody somewhere is in the same situation I am in right now, and maybe that very person could advise me on what I can possibly do. I have graduated with BSN last year in May and ever since I have stayed home taking care of my children unable to work. My problem is that I am doing all the parenting myself because my husband has started his business and somehow thinks it is below him to help me at least take the children to school in the morning, even though he leaves home around 10:30 am to his office! as a result I am unable to begin any training or internships which are available only in hospitals and are all day. The internships include classes, certifications, and of course rotating shifts which are 7 am to 7 pm for about 2 months. There is absolutely no way I can do this because I have to take the kids to school in teh morning and pick them up 3:30. I told the hospitals that I can train between 8am and 3:30pm to learn skills and see how the shifts work, and work full 12 hour shifts on weekends nights, but they say I had to experience the shift changes at 7 am and 7 pm. So, my inability to complete the internship lies in not being able to attend the shift changes. During my school practicum I have done about 200 or more shift changes and I am very familiar with them it is not a new concept so, I cannot understand why all teh hospitals are so adamant about the shift change? I am more concern about learning my skills that might be new to me. At this point I am so frustrated because not a single hospital in Houston has enough sense to offer me some flexibility . I have an active license and offering enough time to train, but I cannot because of some inconvenient standards . Unwanted RN whose license is rotting away.

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

Whoa! Down, girl, and cap those fangs!!! I have never traveled but I work for a hospital that at one time relied heavily on travelers. We are not "the pits" and we did not give them the crappy shifts. We treated our travelers so well that a large handful of them have not only extended their contracts or come back later for repeat contracts, they have even signed on as "real" staff. I do not claim that all places are like ours, but all places are not the way you described, either.

Please note that "the pits" comment refers to facilities/companies that take travelers with inadequate EXPERIENCE.

The other point is that the OP is looking for a position around shift hours such as 0800 - 1500. How many positions like that do you have on YOUR floor, that would go to a traveler/temp/agency person?

Probably few to none.

The OP go try to travel and if she calls off once or twice, no matter the reason, she might end up losing money in the deal. She will also not get the same support that she would as a staffer.

And right now she needs all the support that she can get, especially at work.

People have this idea that somehow that traveling is easy, pays well, and that we don't have the same obligations/stressors that others do. Sometimes, quite frankly it requires more. And most of us that have been RNs over 5-10 years (unless we strike break) could do as well or better as staff, with greater staff support. It is not a place for someone that cannot get through an internship and would not be safe for her and license until she has more experience. And the OP needs a safer environment.

[TazziRN, RN]

I am not knocking travelers at all, and I totally agree that the OP cannot think of traveling at this point, but the post I responded to seemed to be full of negative things about places that need travelers. There was no differentiation between "good" and "bad" places to travel to.

[MedSurgeNewbie]

I have had good luck with getting sitters from a local college, early child-majors when my kids were younger - Now any student would like a job that fits there schedule, moring shift then afternoons especially if your kids are older and they are more supervisory in nature, this is a tough spot for you - Best of luck!! Hopefully Hubby will come around soon,

[burn out]

You have found yourself in a positin that many of us have had to deal with and rearange our lives over...the hospitals never had any mercy on us and I doubt if they will make an exception for you. I would do two things. One, find a daycare or babysitter that will take the kids before you go to work and keep them until you are done with the shift--you evidently can not count on your husband and he seems to show no interest in helping...send him the bill. Second, I would get a divorce-he evidently doesn't seem interested in raising his children or what you want for your life. P.S. Some say I am bitter though.

[wildmountainchild]

If you've been married for 10 years you are entitled to HALF, half the house, half the car, half the savings, and half the income....for the forseeable future.

Find a good divorce lawyer....once you tell them your situation I'm sure they will wait for payment until you are a bit more secure.....or until hubby can pay, which any court in thier right mind would make him.

Start making la list and documenting all the crap he says and does to you. Start recording conversations.

Leave the idiot.

[GardenDove]

If you've been married for 10 years you are entitled to HALF, half the house, half the car, half the savings, and half the income....for the forseeable future.

Find a good divorce lawyer....once you tell them your situation I'm sure they will wait for payment until you are a bit more secure.....or until hubby can pay, which any court in thier right mind would make him.

Start making la list and documenting all the crap he says and does to you. Start recording conversations.

Leave the idiot.

I agree, but I think the OP is wise to go about it intelligently. You give good advise. Also, OP, erase the fact that you visited this site from your computer so you husband doesn't find out you are getting guidence contrary to his sceme to keep you powerless and weak.

You husband is deliberatly undermining your efforts towards economic freedonm. He's an insecure control freak.

[lauralassie]

Please tell me that you are kidding!!

First, no reputable or ethical travel group, or assignment will take you without at least one year of solid experience. That means work full schedules, not calling off because of child care issues, etc.

Quite bluntly, one really needs more to travel, but that is the MINIMUM requirement. And while agencies will take apps from people with less, most facilities will not accept you for assignments unless they are truly the pits, and cannot get anyone else. These are not safe places for your license.

Second, if anything travel nursing requires the nurse to be MORE flexible and MORE reliable, adhering to the rules and the schedule more stringently than the regular staffer.

Think about it. Travelers are there to fill a hole in the schedule. There are holes in the schedule generally because those positions are the hardest, the most annoying and the most difficult to fill by regular staff. You often get the worst shifts, and rarely get a regular shift - those go (rightfully) to regular staff.

Do you think if the OP cannot get her hospital (that has a vested interest in her and her success) to amend a schedule for her, what are the chances of a nonvested facility wanting to give a temp nurse a preferred set of hours?

Yes, travel groups are desperate for nurses....nurses that do not have problems working any schedule, that are very experienced in their speciality, that have few encumberances. We are frequently obligated to work 44- 48 hours or more a week. And we are generally not given leeway on calling off scheduled shifts - more than one or two and our assignment is cancelled, leaving us having to exit our housing in 24-48 hours, and find our way home, sometimes being billed for the cancellation.

Travelling would not be a good fit for the OP at this time. She also needs more emotional and social support than would be available to a traveler.

Obviously you have worked for crappy agencies . Others of us have had good choices with them. Yes , they fill holes but for instance, our ER is using travel nurses now. One nurse is a fairly new grad and she is doing well. The holes they have filled are there just to replace nurses that have left. That way our numbers are just where they should be. When I worked as a travel nurse I went through an agencie that helped me find the right job for me at the time. I could choose the days and shifts I wanted to work. The job was only 45 min away from home, so I got the housing bonus to keep since I didn't need it. I didn't need to call off due to child care issues because I could choose the days I worked. It never hurts to look at all of the options . If the agencies are poor where she is she doesn't have to choose them. It's just an idea. So, to sum it up, maybe you havn't done the reasearch needed to make a good choice. Maybe she will be better at it.

[nicolel1182]

Houston is a pretty big city - you can work in a ltc facility or home health care. There are plently of oppurtunities to work other than in a hospital

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

Obviously you have worked for crappy agencies . Others of us have had good choices with them. Yes , they fill holes but for instance, our ER is using travel nurses now. One nurse is a fairly new grad and she is doing well. The holes they have filled are there just to replace nurses that have left. That way our numbers are just where they should be. When I worked as a travel nurse I went through an agencie that helped me find the right job for me at the time. I could choose the days and shifts I wanted to work. The job was only 45 min away from home, so I got the housing bonus to keep since I didn't need it. I didn't need to call off due to child care issues because I could choose the days I worked. It never hurts to look at all of the options . If the agencies are poor where she is she doesn't have to choose them. It's just an idea. So, to sum it up, maybe you havn't done the reasearch needed to make a good choice. Maybe she will be better at it.

Actually, I have worked for very good ones.

It doesn't change the fact that every unit (and in about every type of work place - not just nursing) there are a few pit vipers among the supportive staff. And if one goes into a travel assignment without adequate experience, one will be a target.

I am currently at a site that is considered "preferred" and will not be renewing. While the staff is pleasant enough, the "support staff" are an utter nightmare. The only travelers that have survived have at least 5 years of experience. I have seen quite a few people crash and burn because they did not have supportive family nearby, or did not have the experience to deal with the problems thrown at them by support staff.

It does not matter that the staff is nice...one still must have strong skills to survive. And those strong skills must be developed before traveling.

Travelers are expensive -one gets substantially less orientation and expected to work as hard or harder than staff.

Large numbers of hospitals are now refusing to hire travelers that have a legal residence within 75-100 miles. Of course some get around that. But that limits working near to home - if you declare your home. It also makes getting reliable childcare.

I have worked in 16 places, and 4 in the top hospitals nationwide. And I have seen plenty of good travelers crash and burn, because of the hidden pit vipers in staff/support. No matter how nice the staff is, there will be more than a few PVs there. I will be going back soon to work at a facility that is consistantly rated one of the top in this nation. They also have the worst pharmacy and some of the rudest support staff I have dealt with (ahhh, unions). But you know what, I'm experienced..I have friends and family nearby, and I can cope with the roadblocks that those staff present. But I would never recommend for a new traveler with little experience work there - I've seen a few too many crash and had to help pick up the pieces of some very nice people.

I also asked a question that no one has answered. How many travel positions have you seen for a traveler to work 0800-1500 and train, and how would the staff react, knowing that someone is getting traveler pay, a preferred set of hours like 0800-1500, and has not even gotten the requisite experince? Even while, senior staffers are having to work nights in rotate for lower pay.

Have you even seen that offered? And if someone "needed" those hours permanently or for say, at least 6 monthes, how amenable would you be to extending your night shift til 0830, or returning at 1430, or both for several days in a row, for monthes on end. How many staffers would work 0630 - 0830 and/or 1430-1930? Especially if they have children and spouses too, that they have made arrangements for?

Good home health agencies also require some experince, as the nurse must be fairly independant. They also involve paperwork that is ofen carried home and will further annoy the OPs spouse. Office nurses generally must work set hours, or if working office infusion, have to have a proven track record of IV skills, which the OP has not been able to obtain.

Can we please now focus on the OPs problem and find actual workable solutions to her very frightening dilemma?

There has been a lot of discussion of divorce and/or separation. As the OP has stated (I believe) that she has not been in this country all of her life, and came here shortly before marriage. There are also some indications that this might have been an arranged union, and/or one that crossed national borders. Thus the OP has additional reasons for not having supportive family or friends nearby, and perhaps having psychosocial issues with divorce as well some legal ones. There may be some citizenship issues also.

I would like to say to the OP, are there any classmates or people of your own background/spiritual upbringing to reach out? Perhaps, you are embarassed about trying to do so, but you need to try. Your husband's behavior is something that can be harmful to your children and after ten years, will probably not improve. Is your citizenship/passport clear and where you can verify? Or do you wish to return with your children to your homeland?

There are other women that come to this country and marry men that are not kind to them - and some have started organizations to help others with these issues- would contacting these be helpful to you. They might be able to help you sort through theissues unique to your situation.

I am more worried about your home situation and safety than working at this time. And I hold you in my prayers.

[unwanted RN]

Actually I don't have any legal issues, I ma a permanent resident, and my marriage was not arranged. I came here at my own will and it just didn't work out. The shift schedule that I am able to do is not 8am to 3pm, but 7pm to 7am on Fridays and Saturdays. I am only concerned about the training which seems to be a little off balance in terms of being able to planyour day. The training is only for about 6 weeks and I figured I can do it over the summer when my kids are not in school. After the training I am able to work normal shifts only part time. I can hire a babysitter to stay with my kids while I am asleep during the day. She cannot drive , but it is better than nothing . As for the issues I have with my husband, I know I need to leave, but I am not in an imminent danger, and I have to do the separation with a working brain not a working heart. A lot of women had been killed or badly hurt trying to leave or found themselves homeless. All of these emails have been extremely empowering and I guess I needed that to help me think. I never imagined so many people actually taking their time to respond. It is nice to know somebody actually cares. I don't know if I had mentioned it , but I really don't have a single soul I can depend on nor do I have a friend because when I tried to make friends with my classmates my husband checked my cellphone or email and emailed them back and insulted them so, that was it. I think people don't feel comfortable around me because of the issues I have. That is why I was so surprised to see how many people actually cared to espond. I think I will be able to get help at my kids school, but it might take a while because it is a new school for us. But I wanted to thank everybody for responding and trying to help.

[nurse4theplanet, RN]

Good luck to you!

[GingerSue]

hopefully there will be helpful ideas through the school

can you get acquainted with other people at the hospital who do shift work and might be able to help you (bulletin board?), local child care agencies