"What do you need Christmas off for? You don't have kids!" (rant)

[Marie_LPN, RN]

It's that time of year again, even though the holiday schedule has been out for a year, people are making last minute switches. No big deal except for a co-worker that approached me, after seeing i have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off.

Started out nice: "I saw you had both days off, are you interested in trading them?" I said "Actually i'd like to keep both days off, my family has been through a lot, my dad's brother died a couple of weeks ago, and i'd like to go back home for those days." She said "Hmm, guess i won't be home for my kids for Christmas." I didn't say anything or do anything. Then after a minute she says "You don't have kids, what do you need Christmas off for?":angryfire

It's a wonder my head didn't explode. First off it wasn't her dang business what i wanted Christmas off for anyway, secondly how dare she make such a comment, as if those days won't mean squat to me all because i don't have children.

I'm sure her kids are important to her, i'm sure she would like to be there on those days, but the fact that i do not have children doesn't mean that things in my life are no less important. Nor should it mean that i should want to rearrange my life to accomodate someone that does. Which i've had to do a few times as a result of her taking 3 days weekends since august (we do self-scheduling). As a result of her doing this, i get screwed out of 3 days weekends 90% of the time. Her excuse for needing 3 days weekends? "Because i have kids." Not "My kid(s) has an appt., game, tournament, etc." "Because i have kids."

In no way am i knocking her because she has kids, or anyone, but it's almost like she expects accomodation from people because of the kids. It's not fair to everyone else. Everyone else manages and they have children. And everyone else at work wouldn't have made such a self-entitling statement about someone with no children having the holidays off, because most people take their turns every year. Just because i don't have children doesn not mean that i don't have a life or that i don't have things to do.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Well this thread won't last much longer (sadly). I just wanted to say Happy Holidays and good luck to everyone before the mods drop in.

Be good to your families this holiday season and remember those less fortunate.

Agape.

This is so well-said and I would love everyone to keep those less fortunate in mind when they do work this holiday season. Remember, the patients, as well, have NO desire to be in a hospital at THEIR holy holiday time, either. Be glad you are healthy enough to work---and have a job. Many others are not so fortunate. Griping gets really old, ya know?

[babynurselsa, RN]

I don't think the issue is about asking someone to make a change. The issue is a false sense of entitlement that an individual deems they are more worthy than another for special considerations.

The original issue was not breeder vs nonbreeder. The issue was individuals who think thier family and plans are more important than anyone elses.

I too have children and wish to be there for all events with my children and with advance planning I can for most things. Somethings I miss and some things we reschedule. I have always been one to return a favor granted. Even though at times it may have not been convenientl it was what I promised. I do believe in returning a kindness.

So, lets just remember what the original point was.

[fergus51]

The issue is a false sense of entitlement that an individual deems they are more worthy than another for special considerations.

EXACTLY. I really don't care why someone wants a shift off, anymore than they care why I want a shift off. If I can help them out and they are the type to reciprocate, I will (don't get me started on the people who won't reciprocate!!!). I probably do more switches than anyone else on my unit. But, if I have plans which are important to me I expect them to accept that. I don't really care if they have kids, if they have a pet, if they have a grannie, if they want to sit home reading a book. It isn't MY problem. I am not responsible for making their lives perfect.

I feel no guilt for having this Xmas off. I got another snide "Oh, it must be nice to have Xmas AND Xmas eve off" the other night and I just smiled and said "Yeah, it sure is. I can't wait to go home and see my family! I'm really excited, I already bought my airline ticket!".:chuckle I just pretended I didn't sense the snide sentiment from my coworker. I also pointed out she is pretty lucky to only be working Xmas night since that way she gets Xmas eve, Xmas morning to open presents and can even have Xmas dinner before coming in to work. Had I worked Xmas for her I wouldn't have been able to see any of my loved ones at all, just like last year and the year before and the year before. What could she say to that?:)

[Fun2, BSN, RN]

Well said, babynurselsa.

I've even gone as far as working for someone whose animal had died. Everyone has their own reasons, and important things/people in their lives.

I've never had a 24/7 job, but giving up a day off, holiday or not, is a sacrifice to anyone, children or no children.

I don't believe those with children should have to give up going into nursing, criminal justice, or even being an EMT.

You are right by saying some things will have to be given up, somethings worked out. I know I've already had to give up somethings just because of school, and I know it is a never ending occurrence.

Those of us with children must learn how those without feel, in order to not step on toes, as well as those without children must learn how to not step on the toes of those with children.

It's a give and take situation, and not one of us deserves special treatment.

I don't think the issue is about asking someone to make a change. The issue is a false sense of entitlement that an individual deems they are more worthy than another for special considerations.

The original issue was not breeder vs nonbreeder. The issue was individuals who think thier family and plans are more important than anyone elses.

I too have children and wish to be there for all events with my children and with advance planning I can for most things. Somethings I miss and some things we reschedule. I have always been one to return a favor granted. Even though at times it may have not been convenientl it was what I promised. I do believe in returning a kindness.

So, lets just remember what the original point was.

[wolfnurse]

lol Thunderwolf!

OK.....I have tried to keep my cool long enough on this thread. I realize those with without children believe those who do have children do not have a right to have off "because they have children".

Y'all are going as far as saying that you were not influential in our decision to have children. Well, guess what? We did not MAKE you not have children! I realize that some of you can't have children, and my apologies to you.

However, those who do not have children will NEVER know how it feels to know the most important people in your life are your children. You will NEVER know how it feels to see your child tumble in gym class, hit a ball in softball, scream at a pep rally, or win three awards in front of her whole school.

You can say that, "well my neice...." Guess what, IT'S NOT THE SAME!!! You will NEVER understand until you have children of your own.

For y'all to say we shouldn't have children and be a nurse, that is a bunch of B.S! You badmouth your own working parents when you say those people that try to bargain a day off, is wrong. I'm sure your parents did, at least I hope they did, at least one time to see something that was important to you.

You are descriminating just as much to say those of us with children shouldn't work as nurses, as much as those saying you should work Christmas because you don't have children.

I hope many of you who CAN have childen have the chance to know how this thread is really upsetting because y'all believe we should choose between nursing and our children. Hands down, it would be my children, but I don't have to choose.

Your parents, their parents, and even their parents....they all worked some form of job, and they managed...even if they had to take off work now and then to see you do something special.

Just a sec......

Perhaps you are reading into too much of what i am trying to point out. I do agree that JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE CHILDREN IT DOES NOT GIVE YOU GUARENTEE THAT YOU WILL GET ALL OF YOUR HOLIDAYS OFF !!! there are some out there that do think that it is a guarentee. that is the reason for systems in place to try to get nurses an even amount of holidays off. I can understand working hard to get a holiday off so that you can spend time with your family.( I myself have been asked to make a trade and have done so very happily) I just feel that no one has the right to infringe upon single people that they must sacrifice everytime.

Wolfnurse

[Metron]

Fortunately, this isn't much of a problem where I work (in a drug rehab) because so few of us have kids, and there's always someone chomping at the bit for the extra pay. I'd just like to make a request in general to everyone to never say - Wait till you have kids, or you'll understand when you have kids, or the worst one - You're so lucky not to have kids. :angryfire I wish I did, I want them, it's just not happening for us and I've been married almost ten years. Whenever somebody at work (my other job) gets pregnant, people start saying, oh, I hope it doesn't happen to me. I hope it DOES happen to me and for a coworker who has been through a lot of treatments and a miscarriage.

Sorry, this became my own little rant.

As a PS, I kinda like working holidays, the place is decorated and there's lots of extra snacks around

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

QUOTE: OK.....I have tried to keep my cool long enough on this thread. I realize those with without children believe those who do have children do not have a right to have off "because they have children".

You DON'T have a right to be off just because you have children. I understand that you want to be off all the holidays. No, you didn't force anyone not to have children but that doesn't matter. People know when they go into nursing what the schedule is like, it's not going to change for you just because you have kids. I'll have kids one day and I can promise you, there is no way that I would EVER ask someone who doesn't have them to switch with me because they don't have any. It's rude and disrespectful. You don't have to choose between children and nursing but you do have to choose how you act around others. You ARE NOT privy to holidays because you have kids.

EXACTLY! Thank you for saying exactly what I was thinking!

[Thunderwolf, MSN, RN]

Mod reminder....let's be friendly and post respectfully to each other, please. Let's not turn this thread into an us vs them flame war. We can have our differences of opinion, but need to be mindful (when we debate) in how we post them.

Thank you bunches.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I don't believe those with children should have to give up going into nursing, criminal justice, or even being an EMT.

Absolutely right, and no one should make others feel guilty because it is their turn to have time off.

[JBudd, MSN]

JBudd, first of all, I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I am glad your coworkers were kind enough to do that for you! :)

We too have asked plenty of our single friends to holdays at our house, and other events. I learned that gesture early on from my mother. Most of the time, they have their own life to be envolved in, and would rather not take the offer.

Thanks Fun2, very sweet of you. Its been 6 years, which is both a eon and yesterday. :icon_hug:

There really doesn't need to be a war between parents and singles, its called RESPECT and professionalism, and it starts with individuals.

God bless All!

[Nella]

I don't think some of the peple here realize what has been said to those of us without children over the years, as far as schedules go. I am not a second class citizen because I don't have kids. I should not be made to feel like it. Having children does not infer you have more rights than I. It just doesn't.

[SmilingBluEyes]

I think anyone not wanting to work holidays (whether childfree or not) needs to think long and hard before becoming a nurse in a hospital or LTC (or any job where one may be needed 24/7 or oncall). It's time a few people grew up before entering any profession, let alone nursing. Having children should be separate and have nothing to do with job performance and professionalism in the workplace. I have no right to inflict my kid needs/problems upon my coworkers any more than anyone else has the right to push their rights on me.

Your rights end where mine begin, you know what I mean? It is truly give and take.

Marie did not act unreasonably. She was understandably upset by inconsideration and entitlement on the part of a coworker. Someone acting that way with me would get the same: NO special consideration or help from me. IF she had approached Marie differently and more respectfully, I am betting, things would be different. That is the bottom line: consideration and respect for your colleagues, period.