It's that time of year again, even though the holiday schedule has been out for a year, people are making last minute switches. No big deal except for a co-worker that approached me, after seeing i have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off.
Started out nice: "I saw you had both days off, are you interested in trading them?" I said "Actually i'd like to keep both days off, my family has been through a lot, my dad's brother died a couple of weeks ago, and i'd like to go back home for those days." She said "Hmm, guess i won't be home for my kids for Christmas." I didn't say anything or do anything. Then after a minute she says "You don't have kids, what do you need Christmas off for?":angryfire
It's a wonder my head didn't explode. First off it wasn't her dang business what i wanted Christmas off for anyway, secondly how dare she make such a comment, as if those days won't mean squat to me all because i don't have children.
I'm sure her kids are important to her, i'm sure she would like to be there on those days, but the fact that i do not have children doesn't mean that things in my life are no less important. Nor should it mean that i should want to rearrange my life to accomodate someone that does. Which i've had to do a few times as a result of her taking 3 days weekends since august (we do self-scheduling). As a result of her doing this, i get screwed out of 3 days weekends 90% of the time. Her excuse for needing 3 days weekends? "Because i have kids." Not "My kid(s) has an appt., game, tournament, etc." "Because i have kids."
In no way am i knocking her because she has kids, or anyone, but it's almost like she expects accomodation from people because of the kids. It's not fair to everyone else. Everyone else manages and they have children. And everyone else at work wouldn't have made such a self-entitling statement about someone with no children having the holidays off, because most people take their turns every year. Just because i don't have children doesn not mean that i don't have a life or that i don't have things to do.
if it makes you feel any better i have recieved the same treatment. We also have a system in place to try to give people a fair amount of holidays off. In my situation i usually volunteered to work the holidays. this last year i made the effort to take christmas off ( i had just finished taking accelerated classes to extend my RN to BSN and working on my masters :imbar ) when one of my coworkers made the comment also why do i need the holidays of because i also have no kids and no partner as well( some like to rub it in) . She also expressed that since she had grandkids that she should get priority. I just reminded her that was not how it worked and that seeing my mother and the rest of the family should count. (she just walked away in a fit )
OK.....I have tried to keep my cool long enough on this thread. I realize those with without children believe those who do have children do not have a right to have off "because they have children".
Y'all are going as far as saying that you were not influential in our decision to have children. Well, guess what? We did not MAKE you not have children! I realize that some of you can't have children, and my apologies to you.
However, those who do not have children will NEVER know how it feels to know the most important people in your life are your children. You will NEVER know how it feels to see your child tumble in gym class, hit a ball in softball, scream at a pep rally, or win three awards in front of her whole school.
You can say that, "well my neice...." Guess what, IT'S NOT THE SAME!!! You will NEVER understand until you have children of your own.
For y'all to say we shouldn't have children and be a nurse, that is a bunch of B.S! You badmouth your own working parents when you say those people that try to bargain a day off, is wrong. I'm sure your parents did, at least I hope they did, at least one time to see something that was important to you.
You are descriminating just as much to say those of us with children shouldn't work as nurses, as much as those saying you should work Christmas because you don't have children.
I hope many of you who CAN have childen have the chance to know how this thread is really upsetting because y'all believe we should choose between nursing and our children. Hands down, it would be my children, but I don't have to choose.
Your parents, their parents, and even their parents....they all worked some form of job, and they managed...even if they had to take off work now and then to see you do something special.
First off, if personal feelings are getting involved anywhere on this board, it would be good to scoot back from the computer and take a break, instead of attacking others. Not to mention there is the option of avoid this thread in the future, if it's getting too personal.
Secondly, attacking others because of personal feelings that are attacked solves nothing, it only inflames people, and causes more ill feelings. It's also not a good idea to point out what they have or don't have, especially when it comes to physical conditions that they cannot help. I'm well aware that i may never know what it's like to have children, but i sure as heck do not need someone to tell me this, i get reminded of it everyday, serveral times a day, when i work with the doctor who told me the news. Does it mean that i'm attacking people that have kids? No. But even if i had children, i still wouldn't expect things to be less important to them just because they don't have children, which what i have said since page 1 on this thread.
Thirdly, i would hope that this thread would stay open, however, i doubt it'll stay that way, since it went way too personal now. It was a good discussion while it lasted, at least.
And if by some snowball's chance in Hades that this thread stays open, i would hope that it can come back to the OT, and not be a flame-fest.
No one want to be away from their childern or family at Christmas, but as professionals, we realize that we will have to spend important days away.
Those that do not have children do have family, and have just as much of a right to their holidays as others.
Those that do have childen have made a sacrifice to be good parents and also to be good nurses. The two don't always complement each other, but they should still be thanked for the effort.
If we all shared the holidays and looked out for each others families and children, the time away would be less and the time together more meaningful.
QUOTE: OK.....I have tried to keep my cool long enough on this thread. I realize those with without children believe those who do have children do not have a right to have off "because they have children".
You DON'T have a right to be off just because you have children. I understand that you want to be off all the holidays. No, you didn't force anyone not to have children but that doesn't matter. People know when they go into nursing what the schedule is like, it's not going to change for you just because you have kids. I'll have kids one day and I can promise you, there is no way that I would EVER ask someone who doesn't have them to switch with me because they don't have any. It's rude and disrespectful. You don't have to choose between children and nursing but you do have to choose how you act around others. You ARE NOT privy to holidays because you have kids.
The whole point i was trying to make, even without using the word "children" is that a co-worker took it upon herself to just assume that her reason was way more important than mine, because she thought it was. Meanwhile, i still wanted to keep my day off, not because i thought my reason is more important than hers (i did not think such), but because i already had the day off, and i had a reason that was important to me to keep that day off.
My reason can be very important to me with out making others' reason(s) less important. My co-worker, on the otherhand, made the opposite statement with her thoughtless remark.
In other words, had she not made that remark, no matter what it was about, this wouldn't never have been an issue.
It's also not a good idea to point out what they have or don't have, especially when it comes to physical conditions that they cannot help. I'm well aware that i may never know what it's like to have children, but i sure as heck do not need someone to tell me this, i get reminded of it everyday, serveral times a day, when i work with the doctor who told me the news.
And if by some snowball's chance in Hades that this thread stays open, i would hope that it can come back to the OT, and not be a flame-fest.
Thank You!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some of us have no choice in the "having or not having children" issue. Our feelings get hurt on a daily basis by thoughtless comments by those that do have children. And it is pain that never quite goes away, especially when we are repeatedly told, "You don't know", You will never understand", "It isn't the same...." - since you don't have children...as though we have control over that issue. It is like a repeated slap in the face from them.
They, who have children, will never know the pain that we feel.
However, it should not matter, whether it is physical matter, a social/spiritual matter or a choice to have/not have children. We need to value each others choice in this matter. And not slap them down with words about who deserves or doesn't deserve to have holidays off.
I repeat, your children ARE your holiday gift. Just as our parents, our friends, our pets, our companions are to us.
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wolfnurse
7 Posts
if it makes you feel any better i have recieved the same treatment. We also have a system in place to try to give people a fair amount of holidays off. In my situation i usually volunteered to work the holidays. this last year i made the effort to take christmas off ( i had just finished taking accelerated classes to extend my RN to BSN and working on my masters :imbar ) when one of my coworkers made the comment also why do i need the holidays of because i also have no kids and no partner as well( some like to rub it in) . She also expressed that since she had grandkids that she should get priority. I just reminded her that was not how it worked and that seeing my mother and the rest of the family should count. (she just walked away in a fit
)
Just sharing a story
Wolfnurse