You're Supposed to be Compassionate!

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Specializes in EC, IMU, LTAC.

I get this crap all the time, mostly off the job. Somehow, I'm supposed to be this sweet, squishy stereotype. The other day, I was expressing some of my political views, and someone told me, "I can't believe that you're a nurse. You're supposed to be compassionate." I work at a Nurse Aide school, and I had to tell a woman that her grades were not sufficient to enroll. Her daughter huffed, "She has a hard time with English, and you were rude. You're a nurse, you're supposed to be compassionate," even though her I had indeed patiently explained things to her mother. The daughter wanted me to basically sit alongside her mother and pretty much spell out the test for her. Also, my compassion lies with the people who she will be assigned to take care of that she will not have the ability to do. I refuse to get a diabetic woman ice cream for liability reasons, and she huffs, "Let me enjoy life. You're supposed to be compassionate." Uh, does risk of sending someone into diabetic shock count as compassion?

I'm a darn compassionate nurse. On the job, I will not say a word or judge others, even if there are 5 potential babydaddys in the delivery room with a crack-addicted mother. I will give indiscriminate care. I will never be above wiping butts, and I will always be willing to give kind words. However, I am also entitled to my opinions, and I separate work from personal life. These opinions do not define me as a nurse. There are many different types of nurses, liberal and conservative, strict and sweet, loud and quiet, type A and type B, etc. The job does not totally define the person. For example, comedian Mike Myers is actually quiet and reserved in real life.

Then again, I have doubts about how a lot of people define compassion nowadays. I just read an article about how you should never say no to your child. Apparently, it's bad to stop your child from weighing 150 lbs by age 4 by letting him eat as much as he wants, it's abuse to make your kids attend school and do their homework, and a teacher is automatically horrible if she flunks students for their obviously shoddy work.

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Specializes in ED.

Then again, I have doubts about how a lot of people define compassion nowadays. I just read an article about how you should never say no to your child. Apparently, it's bad to stop your child from weighing 150 lbs by age 4 by letting him eat as much as he wants, and it's abuse to make your kids attend school and do their homework.

Its funny you say that, my SIL must have wrote that one herself. You will always get the bad apple that doubts where your heart lies when you are treating them. Just pay attention to the other hundred that know better.

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Specializes in Nursing Home ,Dementia Care,Neurology..

for "you're supposed to be compassionate" read "if I don't get my own way I'll scweam and scweam till I'm sick" then blame you for it!!:lol2:

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Specializes in Government.

Wow! I get this all the time! I take drivers licenses away from people who are too medically impaired to drive. Their families call me screaming: "How can you be a nurse and be so mean! You're killing my mother/father! Where is your compassion???!!!"

So I tell them...I want the caller and their family to get home at the end of the day. Hey, I want to get home in one piece. And I want their loved ones to NOT end up in a ditch, confused, incontinent, not knowing who or where they are. Because that happens hundreds of times a year in my state alone.

Preventing that? Is compassion.

I feel your pain.

ETA: re: never saying no to a child...my niece was in full diapers until 5 years old. Because she "didn't want to" be toilet trained. When the school refused to allow her to enroll, she was toilet trained in one weekend.

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Specializes in Medical and general practice now LTC.

I usually get some sort of comment from my husband about being a nurse and compassionate.......... Well if he did what I tell him :rotfl:

Seriously we are still human and can be compassionate when it is the right time but then so should everyone else, just because we are a nurse does not swing it. The world would be a lovely place if everyone showed compassion

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

Some people are misguided, and truly believe that 'compassion' is synonymous with 'doormat.'

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Specializes in Rodeo Nursing (Neuro).

I think some people might say I am the sweet, squishy stereotype. I think I'm pretty compassionate, in my work and the rest of my life. I care about people and hate to see pain, I have four cats who would be spoiled rotten if it were in fact possible to spoil a cat, which they assure me is not possible. I'm even a bleeding heart liberal.

Sometimes I find myself taking a moment just outside a patient's room to repeat to myself, "Be the nurse, Be The Nurse..." Usually, I'm not psyching myself up to be more compassionate.

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I think I have compassion fatigue in my private life. At work I see people who are truly suffering. It's hard to pretend to feel so sorry for a friend who has gotten in a fight with her boyfriend over which restaurant to go to. "Can you believe he wanted me to go for Thai food? He's such a jerk!!!"... Right... and I should care about this because...?

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Rehab, NICU, Peds.
Some people are misguided, and truly believe that 'compassion' is synonymous with 'doormat.'

:yeahthat:

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Specializes in ICU, CVICU.

My professor's response to "You're supposed to be compassionate" is "Yeah...I give it all at the office"

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I get this crap all the time, mostly off the job. Somehow, I'm supposed to be this sweet, squishy stereotype. The other day, I was expressing some of my political views, and someone told me, "I can't believe that you're a nurse. You're supposed to be compassionate." I work at a Nurse Aide school, and I had to tell a woman that her grades were not sufficient to enroll. Her daughter huffed, "She has a hard time with English, and you were rude. You're a nurse, you're supposed to be compassionate," even though her I had indeed patiently explained things to her mother. The daughter wanted me to basically sit alongside her mother and pretty much spell out the test for her. Also, my compassion lies with the people who she will be assigned to take care of that she will not have the ability to do. I refuse to get a diabetic woman ice cream for liability reasons, and she huffs, "Let me enjoy life. You're supposed to be compassionate." Uh, does risk of sending someone into diabetic shock count as compassion?

I'm a darn compassionate nurse. On the job, I will not say a word or judge others, even if there are 5 potential babydaddys in the delivery room with a crack-addicted mother. I will give indiscriminate care. I will never be above wiping butts, and I will always be willing to give kind words. However, I am also entitled to my opinions, and I separate work from personal life. These opinions do not define me as a nurse. There are many different types of nurses, liberal and conservative, strict and sweet, loud and quiet, type A and type B, etc. The job does not totally define the person. For example, comedian Mike Myers is actually quiet and reserved in real life.

Then again, I have doubts about how a lot of people define compassion nowadays. I just read an article about how you should never say no to your child. Apparently, it's bad to stop your child from weighing 150 lbs by age 4 by letting him eat as much as he wants, it's abuse to make your kids attend school and do their homework, and a teacher is automatically horrible if she flunks students for their obviously shoddy work.

I think that women nurses get this kind of grief more often than men -- not that it's their fault.

I'm tiresome in reminding nurses that it's not their job to "care," to "be compassionate," or all the other crap that gets dumped on people. Your job is to provide skilled, competent, professional nursing services. I hope that most nurses genuinely care about their patients. But there are days when we honestly don't give a rip, and that's OK. Because your job is not to have heart-felt compassion. You're there to do your job. Do it. The caring may not be there when we're had a fight at home or got a speeding ticket or whatever. But people who dump the compassion bucket on nurses are -- guaranteed, 100% of the time -- manipulating. Learn to show manipulators where their exit is, and invite them to take it.

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Specializes in Camp/LTC/School/Hospital.

OH NO ITS THE SUGAR POLICE!! You're supposed to be Compassionate!!:nono:

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