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Your Start in Life Doesn't Matter as Much as Where You End Up

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TheCommuter has 10 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

1 Follower; 228 Articles; 316,447 Visitors; 27,607 Posts

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The 'victim mentality' has been running rampant in society. Even though aspects of my upbringing were dysfunctional, I refused to become a victim. Rather than feel sorry for myself, I took active steps to enrich my life so I could avoid stumbling into the societal ills that plagued my family of origin. Some would say that I succeeded in the face of adversity. Here is a small part of my story. You are reading page 2 of Your Start in Life Doesn't Matter as Much as Where You End Up. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

Orange Tree specializes in Medical Surgical Orthopedic.

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I also think it's important to realize that not everybody has the intelligence and/or emotional stability to rise above their circumstances. There's a difference between a being poor with an alcoholic mother and being severely abused, even tortured, for many years. Some people are "excuse makers" and "non-responsibility takers", but some people truly are victims and realistically have very little hope of becoming productive members of society.

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LadyFree28 has 10 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in Pediatrics, Rehab, Trauma.

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I also think it's important to realize that not everybody has the intelligence and/or emotional stability to rise above their circumstances. There's a difference between a being poor with an alcoholic mother and being severely abused' date=' even tortured, for many years. Some people are "excuse makers" and "non-responsibility takers", but some people truly are victims and realistically have very little hope of becoming productive members of society.[/quote']

OrangeTree, why do you think that people "truly are victims"??? I just am trying to clarify...being a "former victim"-I guess-I just want to understand your thinking. There were a lot of people who refused to help me because of the assumption that I had very little hope of contributing to society, and because of that I "deserved" to stay on welfare or Social Security, or that I could never practice being a nurse again because of my trauma, etc., etc. Not to sound as if I'm harping on you, because navigating from setbacks is a trauma in itself, but if people believe that people deserve the access of every opportunity possible and had the choice available consistently, I think eventually, people would be able to position themselves in a better position. There are people who people assume are "victims", yet, because of dignity continue to work, go to school, etc, even though what they do "may not contribute to society", but gives them a reason to live and respect themselves, despite their interpersonal challenges.

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SaoirseRN has 8+ years experience.

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Thank you for this. Too many people hide behind their pasts and play the victim role.

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Orange Tree specializes in Medical Surgical Orthopedic.

13,488 Visitors; 728 Posts

OrangeTree, why do you think that people "truly are victims"??? I just am trying to clarify...being a "former victim"-I guess-I just want to understand your thinking. There were a lot of people who refused to help me because of the assumption that I had very little hope of contributing to society, and because of that I "deserved" to stay on welfare or Social Security, or that I could never practice being a nurse again because of my trauma, etc., etc. Not to sound as if I'm harping on you, because navigating from setbacks is a trauma in itself, but if people believe that people deserve the access of every opportunity possible and had the choice available consistently, I think eventually, people would be able to position themselves in a better position. There are people who people assume are "victims", yet, because of dignity continue to work, go to school, etc, even though what they do "may not contribute to society", but gives them a reason to live and respect themselves, despite their interpersonal challenges.

No one "deserves" to have a horrible life. I'm not against helping people, either. I just think we should understand that people have different levels of insight and capability. There may be people who tried just as hard as you did, but got only half as far...or maybe they got as far as you did, but then knocked back down to where they started through no fault of their own. It's not always a person's mentality that keeps them down, in other words.

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LadyFree28 has 10 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in Pediatrics, Rehab, Trauma.

75,268 Visitors; 8,427 Posts

No one "deserves" to have a horrible life. I'm not against helping people, either. I just think we should understand that people have different levels of insight and capability. There may be people who tried just as hard as you did, but got only half as far...or maybe they got as far as you did, but then knocked back down to where they started through no fault of their own. It's not always a person's mentality that keeps them down, in other words.

I understand your insight.

Even if they got half as far, went through the process and went back where they started that may still be successful. ..moving forward, attempting to move forward, the effort, regardless, to me, is positive in itself. People truly have a choice, even amongst their circumstances, even against all odds, to be an agent of change. I wouldn't label them a victim if their chances are slim...because of circumstance. That's when people who survive and thrive come in, especially for the ones who do want an opportunity, a change. Life truly gives you a chance tho show you how you're built, and I've seen people who people may think don't have the intestinal fortitude turn at least something into nothing.

My point is when society works more interdependently for the common good, there is an opportunity for success. Even for those who do stay "in their circumstances" (for example, an illiterate parent works hard, puts their child through college, child becomes successful, despite NEVER learning how to read and taking menial jobs) helps someone else out in order for them to be successful, I STILL don't call them "victims"...I guess my thing is that we really should call people "victims" of circumstance, when there are many factors for opportunities for victory, regardless of a starting point.

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4,590 Visitors; 376 Posts

I also think it's important to realize that not everybody has the intelligence and/or emotional stability to rise above their circumstances. There's a difference between a being poor with an alcoholic mother and being severely abused, even tortured, for many years. Some people are "excuse makers" and "non-responsibility takers", but some people truly are victims and realistically have very little hope of becoming productive members of society.

I don't agree with that.

I was molested from the time I could remember till about 13 or so.

I'm not saying I didn't have tough years, or sometimes don't struggle with this, but I became a better person to spite my molester.

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Stephalump has 2 years experience and specializes in Forensic Psych.

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I don't agree with that.

I was molested from the time I could remember till about 13 or so.

I'm not saying I didn't have tough years, or sometimes don't struggle with this, but I became a better person to spite my molester.

That's awesome that you've been able to grow from such a terrible situation! Many props to you.

I don't think though, that success negates OrangeTree's point. There are people with the support, emotional fortitude, and intelligence to overcome anything life throws their way, and clearly you fit into that mold. But there are others who don't and it isn't my place to sit in my ivory tower and judge others for how they've handled their lives. No two situations are identical, as are no two people. Some people just cannot pick up the pieces - they don't know how.

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4,590 Visitors; 376 Posts

That's awesome that you've been able to grow from such a terrible situation! Many props to you.

I don't think though, that success negates OrangeTree's point. There are people with the support, emotional fortitude, and intelligence to overcome anything life throws their way, and clearly you fit into that mold. But there are others who don't and it isn't my place to sit in my ivory tower and judge others for how they've handled their lives. No two situations are identical, as are no two people. Some people just cannot pick up the pieces - they don't know how.

I now see both your points, I try never to judge, and I did, and I'm sorry for that.

I guess I've worked so hard to overcome, I forget how hard it was, and how lucky I am to get out kinda unscathed

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RNdynamic has 5 years experience and specializes in Critical Care, Float Pool Nursing.

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Is this story actually true, or is purely fabricated by the OP?

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TheCommuter has 10 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

1 Follower; 228 Articles; 316,447 Visitors; 27,607 Posts

Is this story actually true, or is purely fabricated by the OP?
I'm the author of the article, and there are no fabrications whatsoever. I do not have the time, inclination, or energy to lie about my distant past or present. In fact, I've posted about events that took place during my childhood on and off during the eight years that I've been a member of Allnurses.com.

Thank you for reading.

Edited by TheCommuter

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