Would you marry a Doctor?

[fleurafor]

Im new to this site and have been looking around. I was pretty shocked to read so many nurses saying they would never with a capital N, marry a DR? Are you kidding me? I would love nothing more to fall in love with and marry an intelligent, powerful, rich man who I have something in common with (healthcare). In fact, that would be like a dream come true for me. I dont get it???

[KaroSnowQueen, RN]

OP, if you want to marry a doctor, well, we've tried to tell you......I personally think intelligence and money are a good thing to find in a mate. Certainly there is nothing wrong with that. And having someone who at least understands your line of work would be a good thing. Just finding all that in a single doctor AND a good personality as well as time to build a relationship, is, well, in my experience, unlikely.

I have met one only one male doctor that I even could be friends with - and he was 3 times my age!!! He was a very sweet old man, and was married to his bride for umpteen number of years. I respected him as a friend and a colleague. Most of the rest of them are A. married and/or B. arrogant and/or C. married to their work - call/pagers/emergencies.

At the last hospital I worked at, we had one doc who was pretty hot, and he had a lot of money (or at least a lot of credit - he drove cars with names I couldn't pronounce). He was also married. He also dated nurses, and made comments at Christmas time about buying his wife expensive gifts (sportscars, etc) to "atone for his sins." He knew he was attractive, he was fun to talk to, and he knew he could get women. We tried to warn the younger/prettier nurses that he was just out for fun, but many of them thought we were crazy. Well, he's still dating nurses and still married to his wife. And left broken hearts behind him.

My hubby, while not a rich man by any means, is fairly intelligent, we share a lot of things, and we have each gained "some" understanding of the other's work. He is at home every night, and while he occasionally gets work calls at night or on vacation, they are usually solvable without him leaving the house. I wouldn't trade him for six doctors!

Good luck to you, OP, I'm afraid you may need it.

And just for curiosity's sake, OP, how old are you? And how long have you been a nurse? I'm assuming you are fairly young and haven't worked with many docs yet. I could be wrong.

[pyrazen]

I'm guessing that you have never been in a "relationship" with someone who knows that you find the bank account sexy. Men and women in positions of power who "buy" their companions know what the going market value is. It is not the same as other relationships. If the power player wants an "equal" relationship, it is more likely to be a dynastic situation where each can help the other on the ladder of social status.

Not saying that all doctors fit this profile, but those that make it to "rich" just might. BTW, Most of the docs I know fit in the "comfortable" catagory, not "rich".

This is my opinion, not a condemnation of anyone who hunts the pampered lifestyle, or anyone who provides that lifestyle.

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

My favorite was the MD that bought all of his girlfriends the same gift. We would laugh when we all saw them wearing the exact same necklace on different shifts. Couldn't tell them anything either - they were all sure that they were the "one". And that they were going to be so understanding and so sympatico and so happy.

He, of course, married someone from society, and a couple of those GFs ended up working the unit when wifey had their baby. Ironically one of the nurses on duty had had a baby by him also. He had wifey moved to a different "special" unit after the birth.

[JulieCVICURN, BSN, RN]

Men and women in positions of power who "buy" their companions know what the going market value is. It is not the same as other relationships.

My dad always taught me that if you marry for money, you'll earn every penny. I don't want to work that hard.

There are many doctors that I work with that are great guys, fun to be around, who don't cheat on their wives. I haven't found (in my arena) that the ratio of cheating pigs is any higher than out in the rest of the world. I don't know if I could handle the calls in the middle of the night and on vacation, though. Those guys seem to never get a real life away from healthcare - they're on call every other weekend and often get called even if it's not their turn for call. It's a hard life to be involved with a doctor, but if he/she is a decent person and you love them, it's worth it. Every relationship has it's struggles.

However, if you're out to marry a doctor come hell or high water because that's your idea of success? You deserve what you end up with.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

My best friend is married to a neurosurgeon. He operates in a private hospital, so he has no residents to take his call. He must round, operate, do clinic and take call by himself. Of course he has partners in his practice, but there are only a few, so they must split call, and they must schedule vacations and days off only if it is convenient for the other partners.

Is he rich and powerful? Yes. She lives in a gorgeous house, has all the toys in the world and gets to enjoy these luxuries mostly alone. He works ridiculously long hours and when he is at home, he is doing lots of research to stay current in his field. He has downtime but it is rare. When they go out to dinner, they can't really relax because his mistress, The Pager, is ever present. My friend spends her free time taking care of household tasks so that he will have what he needs to do it all over again the next day. She works full time as a nurse, so her hours are long as well. Her husband is a very generous person and also runs a free clinic. His hands are full. He is also very well respected.

If you consider all of these things and are ready to spend a lot of time alone, then why not? She loves him like a fat kid loves chocolate cake, but is disappointed much of the time that she can't see him as often as she would like. It is frustrating for both of them, but they understand that these hurdles come with the territory of medicine.

I personally would not marry a doc. I enjoy time together and am quite selfish with my husband. He is in the medical field also but we are able to spend our time off together (except for call).

OP, why do you pose the question? Just curious?

[fleurafor]

and just for curiosity's sake, op, how old are you? and how long have you been a nurse? i'm assuming you are fairly young and haven't worked with many docs yet. i could be wrong.

i am not a nurse yet, i am a nursing student. so no, i dont have alot of experience around drs. but i am also not young and naive, i am in my late 30's.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

and just for curiosity's sake, op, how old are you? and how long have you been a nurse? i'm assuming you are fairly young and haven't worked with many docs yet. i could be wrong.

i am not a nurse yet, i am a nursing student. so no, i dont have alot of experience around drs. but i am also not young and naive, i am in my late 30's.

you may or may not change your mind once you start working around docs. good luck in nursing school, and good luck on your quest for a sexy intellectual!

[evolvingrn, BSN, RN]

most of the drs where i work are older and married and the few that aren't im fairly certain are gay......so if i met someone in another part of my life maybe but there is no workplaced romance in my future

[lsk40]

It is about to be 2011 have we learned nothing from the past if you marry for money you have to worry about that person leaving you high and dry that's no way to live have'nt you heard the stories i paid off all his loans and he left me for a younger women I say have your own money beable to take care of yourself plus is that what you want for your kids a father who is not around if you r a nurse there is a chance you could work holidays do you really want to marry a man who will be working them too so that someone else is with your kids during the holidays I don't know about you but it feels good to get a paycheck and to spend my own money

[GHGoonette, BSN, RN]

Oh my god, this made me laugh. Two of the most arrogant, egotistical pricks in our facility are anesthesiologists! That's two of the four we have, so by ratio that department has more egotistical *******s than any other in our facility. :)

I would marry any decent, good man that I was in love with, whether he was a doctor or a front desk clerk at a hotel.

Seriously? I've lost count of the guys I've met and worked with, and I can count the nasties on one hand...

They must have moved to your facility! heh heh, you can keep 'em.....

[sheila0313]

Wouldn't it be better to build up your own bank account? Why marry someone for their money? What they have you can work hard and have even more! Doctors are not rich, they don't control their own time, they are not free. They income is limited, they can only earn so much. If they get fired then what? If they loose they license then what? They don't control their own time, they have to work when someone tells them to work. If they stop working their income stops. My husband is building his own business and his income is unlimited, he can earn as much money as he want, he can earn money in his sleep, he can work when he wants, no one can tell him when to come to work, no one can fire him, and when he stops working his income stills is working for him. And I am happy to say that I am the one helping him build our business. So with that said, build up yourself, you can have more than a doctor, if you change your thoughts, make right choices, think success for yourself. Put god first in your life and you will prosper as well, you don't need to marry a man for his money, because you can have it yourself or you can build with your husband. You can build success together!

[BittyBabyGrower, MSN, RN]

Mine is a doc, but he is a radiologist :) No call :) One of my friends is married to a peds guy....until he was an attending, he was never, ever home!