Would it kill you to say thank you?

[macawake, MSN]

This is a vent It's not an original one, this has been griped about before

In another thread I've been posting in, a long-time member who often answers questions and posts helpful advice posed the the following question regarding giving advice; why do we bother?

I've been asking myself the very same thing. Actually, I know the answer for myself at least. I bother because every once in a while the poster who you answer/try to help actually seems to appreciate that someone took the time and is polite enough to acknowledge this and say thank you.

Why would any of us take time out of our days to answer questions asked by other posters, if not to try to help that poster. Sometimes the advice we offer is good and at times the advice might be poor. Sometimes the advice is what the person asking was hoping to hear. Sometimes it's not. However, the common denominator in the vast majority of cases is that the poster offering advice is actually trying to help the other poster.

About a week ago I answered a first-time poster who had a question regarding dosage calculation. It's a sad testament to the current state of affairs that when this poster actually came back and said "thank you guys so much!" my reaction was almost one of shock. (Okay, I admit I'm exaggerating just a wee bit, but really it is a rather rare occurence to have someone actually return and say thanks). Because this person expressed appreciation, I know that I will definitely try to answer any questions this poster might have in the future.

I answered another question yesterday only to see the poster making a brand new thread today asking the same question. The subject matter this first-time poster was asking about happens to be something I enjoy (which makes me a bit of a ) and I would have been happy to provide further assistance. As it is, I think that perhaps the poster was hoping for the explicit answer to the homework assignment instead of merely being offered support and information on how to find the answer for him/herself.

I've expressed the following opinion many times. I don't believe in handing the answers to homework assignments on a silver platter. The students who come here and ask for advice are our future colleagues. I want them to be proficient at locating data for themselves. I want them to be able to critically assess the quality of the data that they find. I want them to become competent professionals. I don't want to sabotage the process required to reach that level of proficiency. While I have no doubt that some posters think that I'm being stingy with the advice that I offer, my motivation is actually to help.

I am responsible for my choices. No one forces me to answer any posts, I do that of my own free will. I don't expect posters to bow and scrape and generally gush gratitude all over the forum simply because I or someone else has answered their question. But a simple thank you goes a long way. Here, just as in real life.

*Off soapbox*

[37changes, ASN, RN]

Hi ~ I'm 37changes, and I appreciate each and every one of you who take the time out of your busy days to share your experiences with us. :) There is so much knowledge here ... such a collection of people ... and I am thankful every day that I found this forum.

I notice in real life that the simple "thank you" is falling by the wayside. Really, it is something that takes a second to say -- literally, a second -- yet some people just don't say it. Almost like they can't. It's very strange to me, as I am a genuinely thankful person. It just comes naturally to let someone know if they have helped my life in some way.

I hope you all will continue to bother -- knowing that even if the OP never comes back and says thanks -- your words are there for all to see who come to this forum in the future. And it IS appreciated!

[AceOfHearts<3]

I know how you feel macawake and I feel that way too. What keeps me answering is the one time I sent someone a PM with some suggestions, then some time later I heard back from them again. They contacted me out of the blue to tell me how things had turned out, to thank me, and to tell me I had literally changed his/her life.

Even though I've never started a thread, I feel I learn so much from our AN posters, especially those who have a lot of experience and post often. I often read through entire threads to get others thoughts and opinions on a topic. Thank you!

[macawake, MSN]

Thank you guys, I appreciate your responses :)

37changes, thank you! I agree with your observation that "thank you" is becoming a bit of a rarity in society in general and it isn't surprising that is reflected on this and other social forums as well. It's just sad, because as you say it takes hardly any time or energy and often means a lot to the recipient. I'm not one of the "forumites" who answers many questions/offer advice, I just do it occasionally when I think that I have something worthwhile to contribute. I agree with you, there are many knowledgeable and smart people here and I too appreciate their posts.

AceOfHearts

[Libby1987]

Going beyond gratitude, it's nice to know advice or shared information and experience is being considered to some degree.

[brownbook]

Thank you for your post.

I have been shocked when a poster replies with a thank you. I even thought about thanking them for their thank you.....probably not a bad idea, but I didn't do it.

Sure there is a generic rant/post where people just reply with their take on the subject. But it is annoying when a post asks a specific question, you give a heart felt or well researched reply and don't hear a thing back!

[JadedCPN, BSN, RN]

I've expressed the following opinion many times. I don't believe in handing the answers to homework assignments on a silver platter. The students who come here and ask for advice are our future colleagues. I want them to be proficient at locating data for themselves. I want them to be able to critically assess the quality of the data that they find. I want them to become competent professionals. I don't want to sabotage the process required to reach that level of proficiency. While I have no doubt that some posters think that I'm being stingy with the advice that I offer, my motivation is actually to help.

I couldn't agree with this more and I feel this can be applied to, and I do apply it to, all aspects of life! It is a mixture of tough love while helping them with those essential critical thinking skills they are going to need as nurses. Anyone can hand them the answer, but there is so much more of a positive long-lasting impact when you pull the answer out of them and they realize they've had it in themselves all along.

I started over 10 years ago as a brand new grad in one of the top three PICUs in the U.S. which was extremely challenging. During my very thorough orientation that lasted months, I had three levels of preceptors and I advanced to the higher level as I advanced in the orientation. When I got to the final preceptor, I thought she was (and still do think) the biggest *itch in the world. When I would ask a question, she would never give me a direct answer, it was always well what do you think? Why do you think that? What else could it be? Why could it be that? So on and so on. It was extremely frustrating at the time, but what I realized as our time went on was that she helped me realize that 9 out of 10 times, I either knew the answer myself OR I knew how to figure out the answer myself. She was not a nice person but hands down she was the best teacher/mentor I've ever had.

[Buyer beware, BSN]

OP:

An ER doc once told me that when dealing with patients if you want gratitude and respect you're in the wrong business.

But hope does reign eternal.

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

I couldn't agree with this more and I feel this can be applied to, and I do apply it to, all aspects of life! It is a mixture of tough love while helping them with those essential critical thinking skills they are going to need as nurses. Anyone can hand them the answer, but there is so much more of a positive long-lasting impact when you pull the answer out of them and they realize they've had it in themselves all along.

I started over 10 years ago as a brand new grad in one of the top three PICUs in the U.S. which was extremely challenging. During my very thorough orientation that lasted months, I had three levels of preceptors and I advanced to the higher level as I advanced in the orientation. When I got to the final preceptor, I thought she was (and still do think) the biggest *itch in the world. When I would ask a question, she would never give me a direct answer, it was always well what do you think? Why do you think that? What else could it be? Why could it be that? So on and so on. It was extremely frustrating at the time, but what I realized as our time went on was that she helped me realize that 9 out of 10 times, I either knew the answer myself OR I knew how to figure out the answer myself. She was not a nice person but hands down she was the best teacher/mentor I've ever had.

And to think, you would never have benefited from her mentoring, had you taken the "she's bullying me!!!" attitude. Although I'm sure it was irritating at the time.

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

OP:

An ER doc once told me that when dealing with patients if you want gratitude and respect you're in the wrong business.

But hope does reign eternal.

Um, did you even read the OP? It has nothing to do with a thank you from patients. It has to do with getting a thank you from posters who come here asking for help and advice.

I'm with macawake- so many posters come here in search of help/advice, and when those of us who respond attempt to guide them to answers without spoon-feeding, we are rebuked for doing so because they only want the answer, not how to find the answer. We also are rebuked for giving advice that is contrary to what the poster wanted to hear. Granted, it's not all of those asking, but it is a fair few. Then there are the post and run- post their question and never return to post on the thread again, leaving us to wonder if they even read the responses. Just a quick thank you (or even a like- at least there was acknowledgement of the response) means that there's some amount of appreciation.

[purplegal]

Although in many cases it would be nice to be thanked, the reality is, participating in discussions in AllNurses.com is only a minimal part of most of the posters lives. Also, sometimes discussion boards get so many posts it takes a lot of time to read through all the responses and thank everybody. As well, many times posters are told things they don't want to hear, so, wrong as it may be, it causes some resentment in them.

[Username invalid, RN]

Hi Macawake. Also new here. I may be being rude out of new-user-stupidity (with a touch of laziness).

I go to the Dashboard & manually click on everything I've commented on to see what's going on with still-active threads. It's a bit tedious to go to each thread & find where I last left it. So I've only checked back on *maybe* 1/3 of the threads I've participated in.

I'm fascinated by the people like you that take the time to answer so many questions. It makes the site worth joining. Whenever I check out the "unanswered questions" link to try to pay it forward, the majority of questions that are left unanswered are ones that are school/location/employer-specific.

Thank you for keeping up your efforts, despite all the rude people out there (like myself). I notice!

OH! I had to come back to add to your gripe: people are stingy with "likes" around here. When people ARE helpful, they at least deserve a "like" from OPs. It's petty but so easy..