Would you ask a patient's child to dress his or her parent?

uscstu4lfe · Jul 21, 2008

hmm, well i'm not sure about your particular situation (although i think that the nurse went out to get so your father could be discharged, not solely that you could help get him dressed), but i find that a lot of times the children want to help. i'll say something like, "do you want to help dress him/her? otherwise we can do it..." and more often that not, they want to help.....

hell, i get some children that do mostly everything except meds! toileting, grooming, changing the bed, etc. I think it may be their guilty conscious kicking in for all the hell they put their parent through when they were teenagers..... hehe, jk :)

pagandeva2000, LPN · Jul 21, 2008

This is interesting, because today, I worked in a step down unit, and one of the RNs came and told me that a woman wanted to bathe and wash her father today, but she asked that I stay around for safety reasons (he was attached to an external pacemaker). I felt strange standing there and watching her bathe her dad, so, I assisted her. I felt that it was really our job to assist him moreso than the daughter, but I figured that she wanted to bond with her dad, for one. Also, it is true that while we do a great job, that we are usually using generic items, such as hospital products, and she had what her dad preferred.

I don't think I would have gone and gotten you, but I don't know the circumstances they were working under, either. I feel that it can be a liability and after all is said and done, had something happened to your dad, the powers that be would have questioned them and it wouldn't have been pretty.

Mexarican · Jul 21, 2008

you should have dressed your dad, he's YOUR dad!!! it's not the nurses job...when did family stop doing things for their loved ones?!?!

Mex

miko014 · Jul 21, 2008

you should have dressed your dad, he's YOUR dad!!! it's not the nurses job...when did family stop doing things for their loved ones?!?!
Mex

It's funny that you say that - definitely the opposite end of the spectrum from what a lot of people here think! Personally, I would have helped my parent, though I would have been upset that they came outside to find me to do it - after all, they could have helped him put his pants on a lot quicker than they could have come outside to find me.

But a lot of cultures don't do things that way. In fact, we seem to be in the minority as far as taking care of our own families goes. I work with a nurse from the Phillipines, and he is always telling me about how things are so different there. He said the hospital where he works doesn't even have a pharmacy - the family gets the pts scripts and takes them to an outside pharmacy to get them filled, then brings them back to the hospital so the pt can use them. They bathe their own family members, feed them, etc. I have always taken care of my own family if they are in the hospital when I am around, but a lot of people don't seem to know how, or at least don't seem to know what to do. I have sat there and fed a pt while the family watched and acted all awkward because they didn't know what to do. Sometimes I get frustrated when they don't help their own family. But then there are the ones who do all the care for their family members, and it's like, well, you know you don't have to do all that, right? Go home and take care of yourself for a little while! I wish there was a happy medium, but there really doesn't seem to be. Eh, I'll stop talking now - I don't even know if I'm making sense!!!

vashtee, RN · Jul 21, 2008

I think if you feel your father would have been humiliated at having his daughter dress him, it was appropriate for you to say no. I believe in preserving a person's dignity whenever possible, and it's not like he is suffering from dementia.

Batman24 · Jul 21, 2008

It really depends on the family dynamic. I wouldn't hunt down a family member to help unless the patient requested their relative to aid them. Some feel more comfortable being dressed/bathed by family and some patients only want those things done by medical staff.

luckylucyrn · Jul 21, 2008

At this point if my father was able to dress himself, i can imagine he would be quite embarrassed if I helped him get dressed. I get embarrassed if i accidentally see him in his underwear, much less naked. Not all family dynamics are the same. Now I would help my mother, but we have a different relationship. I never ask someone if they want to dress their family member. Just tonight, I was dressing a man, and the two daughters helped. But if they hadn't helped, I wouldn't have thought anything about it. People are not always comfortable with that.

Bopeepinwv · Jul 21, 2008

When my husband recently had a colonscopy done he was not allowed to leave the hospital until they spoke with me to ensure he had a ride home and would not be driving. Maybe that was the situation in your case, they needed to know that someone else was indeed driving.

Mex-- since when is it not a nurses job to help a pt get dressed? I must have missed that memo! :typing

SweetOldWorld, BSN, RN · Jul 21, 2008

My dad is older 69, but he is able bodied and capable of dressing himself with no problem. If the nurse felt that he needed help isn't that her job? I am not okay with seeing my dad naked!

My parents saw me naked many a time when I was dependent on them. To me it seems natural that one day I will be privileged to give them the same type of care they gave to me. I realize not everyone feels the same way, but to me it's all part of the circle of life.

BrnEyedGirl, BSN, MSN, RN, APRN · Jul 21, 2008

If it had been your Mom,.would it have been different?

Just curious.

I obviously don't know the circumstances,.as I wasn't there,..I usually assume family will help with toileting and dressing etc,...although I can usually pick up real quick when family of the opposite sex is uncomfortable or even if the pt is uncomfortable with their daughter/neice/grandaughter etc. helping with such personal needs. No biggy if they are,.I just do it myself. I must admit,.if it were my Dad,.A/O and still a very active grown man,..I would not want to see him naked and he wouldn't want that either,...15yrs from now it may be different, but now someonelse will have to help!

BrnEyedGirl, BSN, MSN, RN, APRN · Jul 21, 2008

BTW I bet they came to get you from the car to see for there own eyes that he had a ride home,..I work ER and if a pt is given sedation they must have a ride and I have to see the whites of their eyes,.our outpt procedures dept is the same way.

JB2007, ASN, RN · Jul 21, 2008

My Dad is a healthy 60 year old man and at this point in his life I would not feel comfortable helping him get his underwear on or helping him go to the restroom. The simple fact is it would embarrass him and me both. Once the underwear is on I would have no problem helping him get dressed or bathing. When my Dad gets older and is unable to care for his personal needs himself I am positive I will not have a problem helping him. However, I am not sure if he will have a problem with me helping him.

I would have absoultly no problem helping my mother at this time getting her underwear on and going to the restroom if she needed me to help her. I also would not have a problem helping any of my grandparents (male or female) with there toileting or dressing needs. I don't think any of them would have a problem with me helping if need be.

I guess it is an age and gender issue with me. Also, how comfortable that family member would be with me helping them.