Would you ask a patient's child to dress his or her parent?

SunnyAndrsn · Jul 21, 2008

I would have said no as well. A few years back, DH and I cared for a little boy who was a burn survivor. He was burned over nearly 45% of his body, and about 8 months into his recovery (6 hours of PT a day, daily bathes, wound care, garments, etc, etc, etc--I was like the walking dead!) he had to have his gallbladder removed.

I literally couldn't leave the hospital for more than a few hours because the staff at the Children's hospital told me they didn't know how to bath him or do his daily cares! I was in tears! We lived 45 min. away and I'd been up with him for 48 hours between the acute pain, the dr's office, emergency room, and the transfer to the hospital. After all of that I was tossed a pillow and a blanket for the pull out couch. Yeah, I was feeling really well rested the next day.

Did I mention I wasn't a nurse at the time? I wasn't even in nursing school or considering a career in health care! I didn't know how to speak up and ask for help, I just blindly did what the health care team expected of me, because they told me they didn't know how to do his other cares.

Given what I know now, I'd have said no, I need help, I'm exhausted, you are medical professionals, surely you can bathe a little boy, call his burn unit and get PT up here to help him/us out while he's here!

A little off topic, I suppose, but no, I wouldn't help my dad get dressed either, it would be very uncomfortable given our roles/relationship. I'd ask the nurse or the CNA to help him with that.

As the nurse, I don't think I'd ask the child to help the parent.

The title is supposed to be a patient's child, sorry.
Not too long ago my dad had a routine colonoscopy. I was waiting for him in the car and for some reason they sent someone out to have me come inside. There were no complications or anything like that. When he was done the nurse asked me to dress him. I told her "no" and she looked at me like I was a horrible person.
My dad is older 69, but he is able bodied and capable of dressing himself with no problem. If the nurse felt that he needed help isn't that her job? I am not okay with seeing my dad naked!

justme1972 · Jul 21, 2008

You did the right thing.

I had to take my father recently for eye surgery (his lids were too droopy), and he would rather be exposed to the entire medical team---than to me.

I think the nurse should have at least asked what HIS preference was.

PS: Something to think about..does your Dad look young for his age? Could it be that they assumed you were his wife?

My father clearly looks his age...and that was the mistake one of the nurses made with us.

llg, PhD, RN · Jul 21, 2008

It's called "assessment" and it should be a routine part of every nurse's care. Not everyone is from the same culture ... or has the same family dynamics ... etc. It's the nurse's job to assess the particular situation and the particular individuals involved and base their actions on that assessment.

To assume that family members hold certain cultural values or have the same relationship that we have with our own family members is just plain BAD NURSING.

tvccrn, ASN, RN · Jul 21, 2008

first off, they could've had his underwear on then asked you to help him dress. It's not uncommon for family to assist... it's quite helpful. The other idea is that maybe he needed to fully recover from his sedation and needed a little help. They might've been quite busy and you were there waiting to take him home, so you could help him dress.....

If he is normally able to dress himself and is still that sedated he shouldn't be leaving.

mshultz · Jul 23, 2008

If he is normally able to dress himself and is still that sedated he shouldn't be leaving.

I am not a healthcare worker, but I agree with you.

The problem is that colonoscopies tend to be done in an assembly line manner. Titrating the Versed to effect over a period of minutes (like it says in the PDR), and keeping the patient until they are capable of dressing themselves would add minutes to each procedure. It is assumed that the results of the test will be given in the presence of the family / friend / driver unless the patient objects (I said NO). Although they did not inform me that I had a right to privacy under HIPAA, at least I was asked. Many of the online descriptions from clinics performing colonoscopies state that the patient will be given their results in the presence of their driver, as though they have no choice in the matter.

Although this assembly line technique reduces costs, I believe a side effect is a higher number of patients with bad experiences.

Babs0512 · Jul 23, 2008

I work in PACU, but have to rotate to our endoscopy area. The reason we ask the "responsible driver" to come up to the unit is because due to the medicatons the patient has been given, they often don't remember their discharge instructions - so their driver (son, daughter, wife etc...) can remind them later.

As far as the nurse asking you to dress your father, I ALWAYS ask the patient and driver if they mind assisting the patient - again, due to the Versed and Demerol we use. I've found the patient if usually more comfortable with family assisting them. If either the driver or patient refuse, then I am more than happy to assist the patient.

Babs0512 · Jul 23, 2008

I must add, that I've never had a complaint where the child/wife/sister etc... didn't want to help the patient. In fact, we get excellent feedback from out patients.

tvccrn, ASN, RN · Jul 26, 2008

Remembering post-op instructions is one thing. Having had procedures myself, I am well aware that the amnesia can last for a day or so. However, being able to dress oneself afterward if they were able to beforehand is quite another.

I work in the cath lab and our patients that end up going home after aren't discharged until they eat, pee, walk and dress themselves (if appropriate). If they can't do any of that, they stay until they can. Plain and simple.

BinkieRN, BSN, RN · Jul 26, 2008

What was the hurry to go get the car? I would think you would wait until your Dad was ready to be wheeled out. Do I think they were wrong to go out and get you? Yes I think that was wrong. I personally see nothing wrong with helping your parent get dressed. I would do it in a heartbeat. There comes a time when they need help and I intend to give it. What's wrong with seeing your father naked? It's not like you'd be parading him around other people. :twocents:

flashpoint · Jul 27, 2008

I know there are family members that feel very strongly that this is what they are paying the big bucks for in LTC but my thought is that there are times when helping your elderly parent is the right thing to do. It isn't a matter of being able to do it full time but the ones that won't lift a finger to help do it to the detriment of their family member. I would rather help them than have a complete stranger do it, when they get time, but thats just me.

My feelings have nothing to do with the fact that an LTC costs big bucks...it has to do with my parent's comfort. Neither of my parents would be remotely comfortable with me taking are of their personal needs. My mom had a PICC line for six months a few years ago and I helped care for that, but when they had to pull the PICC and replace it with a Hickman, she didn't want me to do the flushes, etc anymore...it bothered her for me to see her chest.

A lot is just a matter of family dynamics and personal feelings.

pagandeva2000, LPN · Jul 27, 2008

you should have dressed your dad, he's YOUR dad!!! it's not the nurses job...when did family stop doing things for their loved ones?!?!
Mex

Actually, the nurses and CNAs are paid to render patient care. Practices may be different according to culture, but for the US, basically, the nursing staff are expected to provide ADL for their patients.

Now, in my eye, this doesn't mean that a relative who is knowledgable of the conditions of health care today; the nursing shortages, overcrowded hospitals, the higher acuity of the patients, etc...should not pitch in when needed. People may feel differently on this thread, but I do believe that there are things that families can do that would free up nurses to do many other crucial things. Feeding them, providing water and ice, bathing (provided that it is safe-much of that depends on the condition of the patient and equipment utilized), holding their hands, etc... I believe that an observant, savvy family member would try to decrease the burden, and it also makes the staff appreciate them more.

It is an unfortunate fact that many times, the patient that has family members that come, the squeaky wheels (those that assert themselves, and the patient/families that are considerate get better care. Most nurses try to do their best towards everyone, but this is a fact of life for many of them as well. But, I don't expect them to care for the patient, I sometimes WISH they would, but that is different.

pagandeva2000, LPN · Jul 27, 2008

What was the hurry to go get the car? I would think you would wait until your Dad was ready to be wheeled out. Do I think they were wrong to go out and get you? Yes I think that was wrong. I personally see nothing wrong with helping your parent get dressed. I would do it in a heartbeat. There comes a time when they need help and I intend to give it. What's wrong with seeing your father naked? It's not like you'd be parading him around other people.

There are many dynamics that could have happened where the OP decided to go to the car. Parking is an issue for many large hospitals (not sure the size of this one), traffic and I know that at my hospital, if a car is illegally parked near the entrance of the hospital, they will get ticketed or even towed.

And, maybe the parent was not in the condition to walk far, or as many parents are-very uncomfortable to become totally dependent on their children. I could not possibly imagine my son seeing me naked. If circumstances occurred where this would happen, I would deal with it, and so would my son, however, I would feel so vulnerable and that the roles were suddenly reversed. I remember last week, a daughter came in and asked if she can bathe her father. It was safe, we said yes. However, when it was time to wash the genitals, dad rang the call bell and asked that the nurse do that area. He said that he really didn't want his daughter to see his member or rectum. I did it while the daughter left the room, and then, she came and resumed the rest of the bedbath.

My uncle did all that he could for his mother who was dying from breast cancer...but he could not wrap his brain around bathing her. Once, he had to, and he cried the entire time, making this even worse for his suffering mother. Since then, his wife said she would do it because it traumatized the both of them. My husband told me after he had to bathe his dying father millions of times that he was not sure if he would be able to do the same for his mother. It really depends on the people.