Would you ask a patient's child to dress his or her parent?

MassED, BSN, RN · Jul 21, 2008

Not too long ago my dad had a routine colonoscopy. I was waiting for him in the car and for some reason they sent someone out to have me come inside. There were no complications or anything like that. When he was done the nurse asked me to dress him. I told her "no" and she looked at me like I was a horrible person.
My dad is older 69, but he is able bodied and capable of dressing himself with no problem. If the nurse felt that he needed help isn't that her job? I am not okay with seeing my dad naked!

first off, they could've had his underwear on then asked you to help him dress. It's not uncommon for family to assist... it's quite helpful. The other idea is that maybe he needed to fully recover from his sedation and needed a little help. They might've been quite busy and you were there waiting to take him home, so you could help him dress.....

ThatPoshGirl · Jul 21, 2008

first off, they could've had his underwear on then asked you to help him dress. It's not uncommon for family to assist... it's quite helpful.

I know for a fact he had nothing on. I was in the curtain area with them and when she was moving him around I could see that he was in a gown only.

ilstu99 · Jul 21, 2008

The title is supposed to be a patient's child, sorry.
Not too long ago my dad had a routine colonoscopy. I was waiting for him in the car and for some reason they sent someone out to have me come inside. There were no complications or anything like that. When he was done the nurse asked me to dress him. I told her "no" and she looked at me like I was a horrible person.
My dad is older 69, but he is able bodied and capable of dressing himself with no problem. If the nurse felt that he needed help isn't that her job? I am not okay with seeing my dad naked!

Wait. They sent someone to get you from the car in order to get him dressed?

Jules A, MSN · Jul 21, 2008

Since he was able to dress himself I don't understand why they even called you back in. I will say however that I am often surprised at how little family members do especially in LTC. I mean for Pete's sake if my Mother or Father needed toileting I could surely help them rather than hunting down a tech.

ThatPoshGirl · Jul 21, 2008

The other idea is that maybe he needed to fully recover from his sedation and needed a little help.

If that was the case (he didn't seem sedated) wouldn't I be the last person they would want dressing him? My dad weighs 300 lbs, if he fell I would not be able to stop him. I would think that would be a liability.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Jul 21, 2008

They probably got you from the car because he would be ready to go home after he got dressed. Perhaps she asked you if you would be comfortable helping him dress, and no was a perfectly reasonable response. Some kids are caretakers for their parent and accustomed to that. I hope the nurse went in and helped after you said no.

flashpoint · Jul 21, 2008

If you are the parent's caregiver and the parent asks that you help, it might not be inappropriate...otherwise, I can't see how it could be appropriate. I think it is the nurse's job to help the patient get dressed and ready to go home. Family should not be asked or expected to assist...even in LTC. If I were able or willing to care for my mother, she wouldn't be in an LTC...and my parents would be MORTIFIED if I even thought about helping to the bathroom or anything else that involved seeing them without clothes.

MassED, BSN, RN · Jul 21, 2008

I know for a fact he had nothing on. I was in the curtain area with them and when she was moving him around I could see that he was in a gown only.

I'd be embarassed to ask a family member's son or daughter to dress mom or dad when they were NAKED... how horrifying. Why do people forget how they might respond in that same situation????

Tash4nvyblues, RN · Jul 21, 2008

I certainly wouldn't have left the unit to go and get you from the car, that seems quite odd. It is a very personal choice whether you want to dress your father or not. It is the nurses job to help with clothes if the client is still drowsy and you feel uncomfortable with the situation. I think the last time I saw my dad naked was when I was 6 Or 7 and if I saw him naked now we would both be mortified. I have talked about this with my dad and if he suffered with dementia, and wasn't aware of what was going on he would be fine with me attending to personal needs. At this stage, he would definitely prefer the nurse on duty to attend to his attire.

Jules A, MSN · Jul 21, 2008

Family should not be asked or expected to assist...even in LTC. If I were able or willing to care for my mother, she wouldn't be in an LTC

I know there are family members that feel very strongly that this is what they are paying the big bucks for in LTC but my thought is that there are times when helping your elderly parent is the right thing to do. It isn't a matter of being able to do it full time but the ones that won't lift a finger to help do it to the detriment of their family member. I would rather help them than have a complete stranger do it, when they get time, but thats just me.

miko014 · Jul 21, 2008

Are you serious?? First of all, how did they even find you in your car? What did she do, just randomly go walking through the parking lot till she saw you? And she must have known you - I don't think I would have recognized you outside of the waiting room. Sometimes I can't even remember which visitor goes with which pt halfway through my shift! And as for the argument that maybe the were too busy to help him - she wasn't too busy to go roaming through the parking lot! Sheesh, I think I'll try that next time I'm at work! "I know your mom is being discharged, but I am just too busy to get her dressed! Either take her home naked, or dress her yourself!" Yeah, that would go over well. I don't think it would be an unreasonable question if you were in the building, but to go outside to find you seems odd.