Why are nurses such back-stabbers?

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 16, 2006

NO, it is not a fact. NOT. Facts are objective, facts can be proven or disproven. That female nurses are gossipy, back-stabbers, and catty cannot be proven. Every negative trait listed and attributed to females on this thread has been personally observed by me in some men. Every positive trait that you ascribe to men, mostly yourself, has been observed by me in some women.
You believe physicians would never criticize or browbeat each other. WRONG. I have personally seen it happen. On more than one occasion. I have had physicians vent to me about other physicians. You stay in this business long enough, you will see.

absolutely. Which is why assigning the term "fact" to a subjective observation and/or generalization is so offensive to some of us. And yes, I have seen some VERY petty and unprofessional behavior on the parts of physicians, one or two of whom I had to remind to be professional in front of their PATIENTS!

MsBruiser · Dec 16, 2006

NO, it is not a fact. NOT. Facts are objective, facts can be proven or disproven. That female nurses are gossipy, back-stabbers, and catty cannot be proven. Every negative trait listed and attributed to females on this thread has been personally observed by me in some men. Every positive trait that you ascribe to men, mostly yourself, has been observed by me in some women.
You believe physicians would never criticize or browbeat each other. WRONG. I have personally seen it happen. On more than one occasion. I have had physicians vent to me about other physicians. You stay in this business long enough, you will see.

YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!!! Gee - it's not like I haven't read threads like this before...you are correct, it must all be a figment of our imagination! There are not gender differences because they can't be proven...

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 16, 2006

There are gender differences; no one disputes that. But it is offensive to me as a woman, to hear "women are backstabbing gossipy hags". Why that can't be understood, a mystery. Saying ALL doctors are above-board and professional while nurses are unprofessional back-stabbers, also rather offensive, to me as a nurse who considers herself a professional.

It's easy to name-call and generalize. For us, it seems to be much harder to be part of the solution, rather than contributing to what we see as a problem, isn't it?

Tweety, BSN, RN · Dec 16, 2006

I have to disagree. I don't like stereotyping as much as the next person. But there are certainly gender-related personality traits that permeate the profession. That is a fact - and it shouldn't be ignored........

The dynamics of a male and female dominated profession are indeed different. But why does the overriding characteristic of nursing have to be one of drama, backbiting, and cattiness? Don't female nurses have any other redeeming qualities?

This isn't anymore fair than labeling the male dominated professions dog eat dog, backbiting climbing your way to the top, being more interested in what's in their secretaries skirts.................

It's a shame the school you're in rather than deal with their people and raise mature professionals decides instead they need more men with their egos and air of superiority.

PeachPie · Dec 16, 2006

I think that the biggest problem that nurses have is their tendency to be "Morality Vultures." Morality Vultures are Schadenfreude-diggers who take up any opportunity to swoop down and put you below them, often with a lecture about how the Morality Vulture's poop doesn's stink. If you ask about an NCLEX question, you're lazy and need to do yor own work. If you're stressed about rude family members or violent residents, you're not looking at their perspective and you're not empathetic. If you've had it with CNAs who honestly shouldn't have passed the state boards, you're a condescending snob. If you're hoping that a nursing job will be so much better than a CNA job, you're an idealist and a snob. If we've had it with the obesity epidemic after 600 lb patients throwing out our backs, we're rude and sterotyping obese people. We're encouraged to be nonjudgmental and follow the zillions of HIPAA and JHACO rules, yet we're expected to tattle on others as well.

My mother taught me to let things go if they didn't concern me and/or if nobody would benefit from my two cents. In her words, "Did anyone ask you?" Thanks Mom. Too many nurses try to live such a good, moral life that they turn into a secret police.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Dec 16, 2006

I think that the biggest problem that nurses have is their tendency to be "Morality Vultures." Morality Vultures are Schadenfreude-diggers who take up any opportunity to swoop down and put you below them, often with a lecture about how the Morality Vulture's poop doesn's stink. If you ask about an NCLEX question, you're lazy and need to do yor own work. If you're stressed about rude family members or violent residents, you're not looking at their perspective and you're not empathetic. If you've had it with CNAs who honestly shouldn't have passed the state boards, you're a condescending snob. If you're hoping that a nursing job will be so much better than a CNA job, you're an idealist and a snob. If we've had it with the obesity epidemic after 600 lb patients throwing out our backs, we're rude and sterotyping obese people. We're encouraged to be nonjudgmental and follow the zillions of HIPAA and JHACO rules, yet we're expected to tattle on others as well.
My mother taught me to let things go if they didn't concern me and/or if nobody would benefit from my two cents. In her words, "Did anyone ask you?" Thanks Mom. Too many nurses try to live such a good, moral life that they turn into a secret police.

You might have a point. When I was researching impaired nurses for a presentation that point was brought up in a couple of research articles.....that nurses more so than others tend to be very harsh in their judgements of one another. But to stick to the topic of the thread, it's because we're nurses and have high standards, not because nursing is full of catty females. :lol2:

A side note: mom was smart and raised you right.

imenid37 · Dec 16, 2006

I agree w/ a lot of what Peach Pie says. Some of the biggest policers of others have the poorest work performance. No one of us is perfect we just have to let a lot roll off of our back. Hopefully, some people who are managers don't do a lot of feeding into the back-stabbers, this just perpetuates it.

royr · Dec 16, 2006

I have found my solution is simply to do my own work as quickly and competently as possible. Limit my talking in clinical to "yes" and "no" and "I don't know - but I will look into it and get back to you" When I finish my stuff I look for anything else that needs to be done on the unit and help out who ever is struggling that day. I don't care if it is the person fighting with the coffee maker - I just pitch in and get it done. I smile often - and it does not matter to me if others want to gossip or make remarks. The fact that I do not participate makes me "a mystery" - so often this becomes the topic of gossip - as folks speculate on what the real deal is with me anyway? -go figure - water off this ducks back I say - as long as it's not acid I am OK.

MsBruiser · Dec 16, 2006

There are gender differences; no one disputes that. But it is offensive to me as a woman, to hear "women are backstabbing gossipy hags". Why that can't be understood, a mystery. Saying ALL doctors are above-board and professional while nurses are unprofessional back-stabbers, also rather offensive, to me as a nurse who considers herself a professional.
It's easy to name-call and generalize. For us, it seems to be much harder to be part of the solution, rather than contributing to what we see as a problem, isn't it?

Well...for one, I never used words like backstabbing gossipy hags. Though I can certainly say that description fits a certain minority of RNs I have worked with.

Second, I never said ALL doctors are above-board and professional. I do see a qualitative trend about Doctor-Doctor interaction, though and maybe I occassionally see a few snidde comments that are RARELY but SOMETIMES made in public. I'm sure there are one or two docs who breakdown crying in public places, berate one another in front of patients and other fellow professionals, and basically treat work like a cheesy soap opera. Have yet to see that...

I am part of the solution. I distinguish between work collegues and friends. I keep to myself but am friendly when approached. I read professional journals and attend CE lectures although I am in school. I keep my emotions in check and don't wear them on my sleeve. I stay away from the gossiping classmates and set them straight when they are flat-out wrong. And I certainly don't cry and fight in public. Still waiting to see the med students do that! Though I'm sure there has had to be a public breakdown of teary male doctors somewhere, because, we don't want to generalize....

In all my years of corporate work I have never seen interpersonal relationships, for the lack of a better word, as crappy as what I have seen between female nurses. A generalization? You bet! Based on my experience, of course, but not factual - because it can't be proven according to the twisted logic on this board. Some days I come home from clinicals downright depressed about the negativity, nastiness, and tear-jerking theatrics I'm subjected to two days per week. Then I work my externship job (with amazing female preceptors I may add) and see that nurisng isn't all like that - you can insulate yourself from that BS if you wish. A lot of starts with someone's attitude.

epiphany · Dec 16, 2006

Why do nurses feel the need to "tattle" on colleagues to the boss for petty things? Behavior like this does nothing to elevate our profession and everything to keep us down. Why are there some nurses who feel superior when they tell on someone to the manager? This recently happened to me and I thought I had a good rapport with my co-workers yet one of them ratted me out to the boss on an off-the-cuff remark that I made. Why does this happen? Is it because the majority of nurses are women and women are catty individuals. I'm a woman btw. From now on though, I am just going to do my work, and only talk to the other nurses/aides about clinically relevant stuff only. Other than that, I'll keep my nose in a book. Actually, I won't be working at this current place much longer. There are staffing issues that put my license in jeoprady so I am starting a job hunt after the holidays.
So, why do we do this to eachother?

Backstabbing is a symptom of dysfunctionality and failure to communicate. The question is not whether women tend to backstab - the question is why anyone would do that.

It IS tempting to go down that road, and make it a gender issue (I have done the same thing) but ever wondered why not ALL women backstab?

Being in place where you are distrustful of your co-workers, and which makes you think the worst of women in general, that's a toxic state of mind. I would speak to these nurses and confront them, or get out of there.

West_Coast_Ken, BSN, RN · Dec 16, 2006

complaining and generalizing change nothing. either model the behavior you want to see, or if that fails, move on.

i think it does help to "model" as you put it. kinda the same notion as "attitudes are infectious" but this only works to a point.

i also agree that "complaining and generalizing change nothing" in regards to the behavior of back-stabbers but that's not the issue. who said if we "complain and generalize" things will change?

being aware of the back-stabbing and preparing for it is what i have taken from the comments in this thread (as well as my own experiences).

the number of people agreeing with the op, most of them women, suggests there really is something to what she and others have observed.

of course not all women are back-stabbers and there are plenty of men who act this way, too. i also believe ignoring a situation does nothing to change it.

allantiques4me · Dec 16, 2006

Because the profession is predominanty women, and that's how women are.

I personally always preferred to work with men.Ive always got along better with them.