What is the toughest question you have ever been asked by a patient?

[Zilijn]

Hi! I am a nursing student and I think consistently about how to word answers to questions patients may have and it led me to wonder what are some questions patients have asked you and how did you word it? or how do you wish you would have worded it?

[Wave Watcher]

"Did I wake you up?"

Patient rang call light on accident and I went straight to his room. I worked nights and my patient thought that the nurses had a room where they slept during the night shift. He was concerned he had woken me up. :-) Gotta love 'em.

[danceyrun]

I find it hard when family members say things like "grandma/mama/joe bob/whoever is looking so much better" or "look she's moving her feet today" or just really anything positive when in reality you know this pt is slowly but surely declining or possibly will never recover.. And then it's especially difficult when they turn to me and ask what I think? Aren't they improving? Do you think they'll be better soon? Those are tough.. Especially when the answer is no.

Also, when we address code status on those who are doing poorly and really need to probably be DNR. I hate being asked what I would do and do I really think the pts prognosis is that poor..

How do you respond to this? I am a new nurse (9 months) and I get so uncomfortable that I usually say something like "oh I know, look at that," and "every case is different." But it is something that is hard for me, what do you say?

[Farawyn]

How do you respond to this? I am a new nurse (9 months) and I get so uncomfortable that I usually say something like "oh I know, look at that," and "every case is different." But it is something that is hard for me, what do you say?

A lot of the time I say just that.

I try to focus on the comfort in some cases.

Sometimes I lay it down.

It really does depend.

Sometimes just being a person they can ask those questions of is more important than having that great perfect answer.

I've been a nurse for over 20 years and that doesn't mean I know what to say to the difficult questions. That's why they are "difficult."

[That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

Is my kid going to die

[caliotter3]

Any question dealing with their children visiting, for the residents of LTC facilities that never​ see their family members.

[banterings]

Toughest question? When will I die?

This reminds me of an issue that came up when I switched to a new primary and he was worried I might have prehypertension/hypertension and I explained that it was "white coat syndrome."

I said to him, "I got bad news for you doc, all your patients are going to die at least once in their life." He responded, he would rather see me go much later than sooner. (BTW, after developing a good relationship with him and trusting him, BP is normal).

I guess the answer is "we are all going to die." IMHO, more important is the life we lived and the lives we touched.

I find it hard when family members say things like "grandma/mama/joe bob/whoever is looking so much better" or "look she's moving her feet today" or just really anything positive when in reality you know this pt is slowly but surely declining or possibly will never recover.. And then it's especially difficult when they turn to me and ask what I think? Aren't they improving? Do you think they'll be better soon? Those are tough.. Especially when the answer is no.

Also, when we address code status on those who are doing poorly and really need to probably be DNR. I hate being asked what I would do and do I really think the pts prognosis is that poor..

I can't answer this question, but I can say, "Never take away someone's hope, it may be all they have."

As morbid as it may sound, we have to remember that funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living.

Perhaps these bits of wisdom that I have picked up over the years, may not provide the answer but help point to "how to answer."

I also ask that everyone make sure that you have someone that you can talk to or get professional help if you need it. These issues also take a toll on the people asked these questions, perhaps more so than on the people asking the question. Beyond knowing or not knowing the answer are the questions of what, how, when, etc. to answer these questions to the ones that asked. I say this because of the high rates of burn out, depression, etc. in the healthcare industry.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

Hope is never lost, but it can change. At some point, we can no longer hope for cure, but we can hope for comfort, honesty, and the knowledge that our loved ones will be OK after we're gone. It is perfectly OK to say that, because people almost always know death is around the corner, and that's not their biggest fear.

One of my toughest questions was from a nine-year-old whose mom brought him in to see his daddy, who was going to be gone (brain death having been determined) pretty soon. She knew. She wanted me to answer all his questions. The last one was the hard one. "Is he ever going to wake up?" I looked over at her and she nodded. "No, sweetie, we don't think he will," I said.

[MissMeeks]

I know I will have to face that question...am I going to die/when am I going to die/ why do I have this? I would love to hear more seasoned professionals tell us how you answered those questions. I wouldn't even know how to begin...

[Glycerine82, LPN]

Another heart wrenching one was a man with dementia who had just buried his wife. He woke up every day asking where she was.

[Red Kryptonite]

In hospice, the hardest one I've gotten is, "Why is it taking so long?" These patients are tired, and so ready to let go and be done with it all, but their bodies aren't cooperating as quickly as the patient wishes.

[psu_213, BSN, RN]

"If this were your mom, what would you do?" (could be about making them DNR, having some type of surgery, giving tPA, etc., etc.).

On the lighter side: "Can I get something to drink?" before they are seen by a doc in the ED or they are otherwise NPO.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Hardest one of MANY: "what's wrong with my baby, is he alive or not?"...asked by many an expectant mom, who came in for routine check-up or to the hospital, in labor------ only for us to find out the baby is, indeed, to be still-born, before the doctor has come in to confirm the case. These moms broke my heart, and they were very good at reading our distress, when it was we who discovered fetal demise.

It was a very hard question to answer.......one I learned to do, however. Especially hard for me, having had several pregnancy losses.