What do you do when parents scream at you?

[pineappleupsidedowncake, BSN, RN]

I typically don't mind "difficult" parents. Most of the time I can sympathize because I understand anger mostly comes from parental concern. But flat out - rudeness - (screaming, cursing, etc.) is what I HATE about this job. 

Why do some people think that they can treat us the way they do? Very recently, an incident occurred in a class and a student ended up falling and bumping her head on a chair. Another classmate pulled out the chair as she was going to sit down. She was asymptomatic and I called her mother to update her and notify her from a medical standpoint. Well, mom was more concerned with the fact that another student pulled out the chair. Of course I understand this! I told mom that I was unsure if it was intentional or an accident, the student herself told me she "didn't know," and that her teacher would be the one to handle any behavioral issues. 

Well, I guess I came off as too friendly or nonchalant... mom yells "why are you laughing?! you're the f****** nurse?!" I'm kind of shocked at this point. I definitely was not laughing. I am aware that I have a sunny disposition, and since the little girl was still standing right next to me, my tone could have certainly come across as lighthearted. And initially I felt awful, apologized for the misunderstanding and assured mom that I did take this situation seriously. The women did not accept my apology and proceeded to curse and scream at me for several minutes, threatened a lawsuit ?, and demanded that she speak with the principal to report me. I said that of course I could transfer her to the principal... I just happy to get her off the phone so I could go cry in the bathroom ?

What the heck???? Maybe next time I should have the teacher contact a parent first when an incident like this happens. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this stuff happen to them. But man o man does this make me want to leave school nursing.... okay venting over!  

[k1p1ssk, BSN, RN]

For my building, typically if there is an injury related to a potentially disciplinary-worthy action (a fight between students, thrown chair, innocent bystander injury etc.), the principal contacts the family first and then will transfer the call to me to discuss the medical piece, unless it's an emergency. 

But yes, even if that isn't the scenario, we get yelled at. I have a family who's student is frequently absent without any notification and our policy is to attempt to follow up. I called home, dad stated the kid has a standing therapy appointment at 11am every Friday. I reminded him for the umpteenth time we need a phone call prior to every absence, but also lightly suggested he send the kiddo to school and pick him up early on these days, or at the very least get documentation from the therapist that his son has these standing appointments, because if he misses school every Friday, he's going to be truant by December and we are legally obligated to file on a truancy basis. Dad immediately started screaming at me that I should just go ahead and file, DCF won't do anything, he can do whatever the F he wants, etc. etc. I tried to calmly explain I wasn't going to file but he can take steps to prevent it all together, but he wasn't having it and just kept yelling... It is a frustrating position for us to be in, to try to help and all people think we're trying to do is get their kids taken away from them... No wonder there's burnout in this profession...

[lifelearningrn, BSN, RN]

I HATE calling about injuries that happen in the classroom, PE, recess, etc. Almost 100% of the time, the teacher wasn't looking or didn't witness it. I have to go by what the student/other students say.  I had a child get a huge gash (needed stitches) and the teacher said, "he must have done it himself while he was in the restroom"..   I called mom and explained he got hurt in the classroom, and would need to see MD ASAP. Mom picked up kid. The dad called 4 times wishing to talk to me to explain how his son got injured. Luckily, my administrator made the teacher call and explain what happened.  

Same over the years with multiple recess injuries (little girl gets teeth knocked out, nobody saw how it happened, boy breaks arm, boy needs staples in his head, etc.)  

Hate being the messenger of bad news! 

[amoLucia]

Kudos time to all you SNs again as school restarts again!

[scuba nurse, BSN, MSN, RN]

Whenever I speak to parents about injuries I always say I was not present when it happened, you can ask the teacher, and I cannot speak to the discipline issues involving this incident and  you need to talk to the principal about that, also I am ONLY speaking to you about the medical side of things (what I did and informing you of injury). 

[Flare, ASN, BSN]

I do the same as Scuba Nurse - I preface my call by stating that I don't really know any of the details, but that the injuries are xyz, and also that the teacher, principal, etc, will be following up.  

[becauseimthenurse]

I hate to admit it, but I have been known to hang up on parents who swear at me. I will give a warning that I will no longer listen if they continue to swear. When it continues, I hang up. Likewise parents who will stand in my office and scream and swear at me with other kiddos present. I use my nurse voice and instruct them to leave. The thing that irritates me is they are usually parents who call to question every speck of dirt and even minor playground scratches yet never answer their phone when their students are sick. Those special cases get me sworn at the most because I will call the local police department and have them do a "wellness check". Pushes them over the edge every time!

[LikeTheDeadSea, MSN, RN]

If the child's injury is not significant or time-sensitive, I'll tell the principal what to report on it so that they can include it in their phone call about the incident.

In general, if anyone ever gets irate or threatening, I say "I know that you are upset and frustrated, but I am unable to continue to discuss the situation until you are calmer," and if that doesn't re-orient them, I say "I am going to disconnect the call now, please reach out to me or the principal when ready to communicate professionally."

[guest464345]

On 9/21/2021 at 10:57 AM, scuba nurse said:

Whenever I speak to parents about injuries I always say I was not present when it happened, you can ask the teacher, and I cannot speak to the discipline issues involving this incident and  you need to talk to the principal about that, also I am ONLY speaking to you about the medical side of things (what I did and informing you of injury). 

I do this also. And I absolutely do not tolerate adults yelling at me. I will say ONCE, calmly: "I promise that I will never swear or yell at you, even if we disagree. And if you continue to swear and yell, I will have to hang up."  And if they do it again, I hang up.  I let admin know what happened, and I move on.
 

I'm really nice to people, as I'm sure you are too. I don't do passive-aggressive stuff, or sarcasm, or anything else that's rude but not provably unprofessional. I don't provoke people.  I am willing to live and let live, with respect to all sorts of beliefs and behaviors I don't agree with (outside of dangerous, reportable, etc).

So if they're going to cross that line into abusive behavior, it's zero tolerance from me. Not going to waste my breath or my tears. Don't take it personal - there is just a certain percentage of people who will act out this way, because it has worked for them.

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

I am bewildered when someone says they cant hack nursing on the hospital floors,too stressful and someone well meaning soul suggests they leave and switch to School nursing instead..lmao !!

[KKEGS, MSN, RN]

I agree with disconnecting the call after I have warned them to stop swearing and/or yelling at me.  I absolutely WILL NOT tolerate being spoken to that way.  

[bluebonnetrn, BSN, RN]

On 9/25/2021 at 1:56 PM, Leader25 said:

I am bewildered when someone says they cant hack nursing on the hospital floors,too stressful and someone well meaning soul suggests they leave and switch to School nursing instead..lmao !!

YES! - I had a nurse parent stand in my office and say to my face "oh, I should get a cake job like this"

?

yes, she did