What to do? New nurse feels like she's drowning. Please help.

AnnieNP, MSN, NP · Sep 14, 2017

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. Are you working full time? If so, is there any way you can switch to per diem or part time? Wishing you the best.

texasnurs · Sep 14, 2017

Thanks Annie. Yes, I am working full time. The hospitals here will not hire new nurses part-time or per diem. So I'm stuck working full time or not at all.

allnurses Guide · Sep 14, 2017

Couple of options that I am thinking of, off the top of my head: :)

I have heard of larger hospitals actually having in-house daycares for

the employees. I know of one close to where I live, that at least used

to. Of course it wouldn't be free, but maybe discounted, or taken out

of your paychecks. Maybe you have one close by that would have

this benefit.

Working PRN... Hospitals around you may not allow it, but perhaps a

nursing home, rehab center, or acute long term care hospital would.

Those types of places, to be honest, usually have a harder time finding

good nurses and are more likely to hire PRN/be more flexible. You

may not want to work in a nursing home, rehab, or whatever, but...

you would still be getting your nursing experience in.

Quitting altogether and not working for a while... if you are

financially able to do it, then of course that is an option as

well.

Good luck.

Becareful · Sep 14, 2017

Unfortunately, I have seen situations like yours a lot. New nurses go directly to the night shift which is extraordinarily difficult on your system. I don't care what anyone says, very few humans are meant to be nocturnal. Don't give up on nursing until you try day shifts, seriously.

Meeshie · Sep 14, 2017

It is physically impossible to work a night shift and then stay up all day taking care of your family with no sleep. You have to sleep. It's not something that is optional. You need to figure out what to do to get some help here. If day care isn't an option then something else needs to become an option.

JKL33 · Sep 14, 2017

I agree you must either have help or will have to look for a part-time position elsewhere.

I know you said daycare isn't an option but you don't need a full-time traditional daycare situation in my opinion. You do at the very least need someone who can cover you for a healthy stretch of sleeping after your shifts. I would make serious effort to reach out. It is absolutely essential that you do so. Ask at places like libraries, churches/synogogues/places of worship, ask around the university...honestly I would brainstorm places where there may be a population of either responsible students or early retirees. So really think hard about where you might be able to make contact with individuals who, frankly, might love this opportunity. You could even attend some free infant/early-childhood functions in the community (library time, etc) where you will meet other moms - - they will surely know of resources.

I understand your desire to be a support to your husband, too, but as a new mom with a newer full-time job in a new profession, you are not in a position to do literally everything else so that he can meet his medical school obligations. That's not "being selfish," it's simply a fact. Between the two of you, you need to take good care of the baby, keep a roof over your head and food in the house...and beyond that, you need to encourage one another. Everything else (cooking elaborate or time-consuming meals, spending a great deal of time on household chores, any other non-essential things, etc) will have to wait until this "season" passes, and that's okay.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like.

Cowboyardee · Sep 14, 2017

Being a new nurse is hard for just about everyone. Right now, you're at one of the most difficult parts of your career. You're off orientation just long enough that your coworkers are expecting more autonomy from you, but you still are new enough that you're not very efficient or confident. That's normal. It gets better.

Your other problem is harder to address. To be honest, you need to have a serious talk with your husband. Check and see if you can afford better options for child care by taking out more loans or talking other family members into helping you. If you have no other options, your husband may need to quit medical school for a while and start working part time. You need sleep. That is not negotiable; it's a biological reality. And as much as you want to support your husband's goals, his goals need to take the reality of your situation into consideration.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Sep 14, 2017

Your priority is to take care of yourself.

If daycare is not an option, how about a nervous breakdown? Do you have time for that?

There is much to learn about safe nursing practice during the first year, tough to do when sleep-deprived.

Later on, when you are able to handle a full time job, just explain that you left because you had a newborn at the same time you started your career. Even the most heartless HR and NM will get that.

Best wishes, now go take care of yourself.

Beth1978 · Sep 14, 2017

It takes two people to make a marriage and a baby. Your husband is an adult, he should be able to take care of himself. I don't understand couples that have both people in school or work and everything (cooking, cleaning, childcare, etc) is still the wife's job, in addition to full-time work. If you are both employed or in school anything outside of your job/school needs to shared. Can you and your your husband get a loan to pay for childcare while you sleep?

Deb_Aston, MSN, RN · Sep 21, 2017

I agree with many of your responses. I have been a single mother to a young child, and I also had to work nights. In a way, I imagine that you probably feel like a single parent also, carrying so much of the workload by yourself. It is very hard... trying to be alert while caring for your child, who needs you 24/7, and then going to work all night to care for patients is very difficult. Nursing is physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. You have a license that you worked very hard for, you don't want to cause harm while in your role. You also need to care for yourself, because others depend on you. I hope that you find a good solution. I also recommend a PT or PD job(s); some organizations offer weekends only for more money... maybe that can work and your husband can care for the baby on the weekends, or other family / friends can help? I wouldn't have been able to do it without the help of my parents, I was fortunate in that respect. Good luck! Take care.

PixieRN1 · Sep 27, 2017

When I was ready to go six feet under from exactly what you are describing...a two year old and an infant, I went begging at a large local church's nursery. I ended up finding an AMAZING woman who watched my kids for $35/day (7 am to 2 pm). I got some much needed sleep, and I could arrange my schedule so I needed her just one or two days a week...very doable financially. My husband dropped them off at 7 and I slept until about 1:30, then went and picked them up. No, it wasn't a ton of sleep, but it kept me from having a mental breakdown and absolutely kept me from hallucinating at work.

Yes, I was still dog tired and lacked some coping skills, but we did this until both of mine were in preschool/school. I didn't feel like a proper human until they were both in full time regular school, but I didn't die, didn't fall out, didn't breakdown, and was safe.

And your husband needs to pick up the slack at home, otherwise you both are going to just have to learn to let some housekeeping slide...and you know what, that's okay too. No one ever died from eating crappy boxed powdered Mac and cheese and having two days of dirty dishes in the sink. Ultimately, the toilet can have a ring until you get to it. This isn't forever and your house doesn't have to be that way forever. It's temporary.

But you WILL crack if you don't find a way to get at least some sleep.