What should be done about this? Unbelievable backstabbing...

[DeLana_RN, BSN, RN]

I'm still shocked about something that happened two days ago. A good friend of mine works in a department where we sometimes dialyze pts. Well, we have basically a good unit except for one bully/troublemaker/ backstabber who happens to be the charge nurse. Almost everyone hates her because she has ratted on them, etc etc (picture your typical bully scenario). Of course, like all such types, she smiles to your face and you walk away with knives in your back. Sadly, my colleagues who have put up with this for years (I'm fairly new) have not insisted that something be done about this - i.e., nobody wants to be the one to have her disciplined.

Two days ago she had to dialyze a pt of a good friend of mine who works in another department. When my friend mentioned my name, the bully started to slander me, although my friend told her that we are friends. Among other things, she told her I was incompetent, stupid, and may be on drugs because I "just don't get it" when she tries to tell me something. :angryfire Then, she proceeded to ask my friend about my personal life and insinuated that I'm a bad mother :angryfire Never mind I never talk to her about anything personal! And on and on. She even asked my friend why she would want to be friends with me! :angryfire My friend was just flabbergasted and listened to this for a while, unbelieving... and then cut her off.

As you can imagine, I was devastated when I heard this the next day. Assuming that Ms Bully wants a confrontation, I did not let on that I know about this. Instead, my friend called my manager and told her how unprofessional Bully was; she was told that HR would be involved. I have not talked to my manager about this and don't plan to (the last thing I want is having to sit down with the ***** and "talk about this"!)

What should be done to her?! Have any of you ever encountered such a situation? Of course I know that Bully doesn't like me (she hardly likes anybody), but had no idea she hated me so much. I'm never disrespectful or show her what I think about her, I just have no idea what this is all about. But this has gone way too far!!!

Your thoughts?

Thanks,

DeLana

[wildmountainchild]

I know it's tough but try not to take this personally. Your manager is likely mentally ill. Or at the very least suffers from some type of personality disorder. She probably hates herself so much that the only way she feels good is to degrade others so she can feel superior. It's really very sad. Imagine how miserable her entire existence is.

Don't confront her--her type always lies when confronted. My experience w/ this type of person is that they are liers to the core. Usually they are smart enough to know that they are lying (as opposed to those who lie pathologically and don't even know they are lying), so they will curry favor w/ thier supervisors so as not to pay the price for the havoc they wreak on thier subordinates.

Avoid speaking to her without witnesses at all costs. Do you have a PDA? Mine has a recorder on it that I use whenever I am alone with toxic people. It may not be admissible in a court of law but it sure as hell is admissible when you have to complain about this person telling viscious lies.

Keep your distance. This person is toxic. Document through the proper channels EVERY instance of unprofessional behavior she exhibits. Get it in writing and signed by the proper people, and be sure to keep copies for yourself. If things aren't written down they didn't happen. Many workplaces have rules about abusive work environments...see what the rules are at your facility and how you can get them to work in your favor. If this woman gets enough complaints you can argue that she is creating an abusive and unsafe work environment....her lies and backstabbing will no doubt make it difficult to approach her with valid concerns and problems...leaving the patients open to harm.

Good luck. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's crazy to think that people like this exist and have jobs!

[Scrubby]

[As you can imagine, I was devastated when I heard this the next day. Assuming that Ms Bully wants a confrontation, I did not let on that I know about this. Instead, my friend called my manager and was told that this would be taken care of. Apparently this is the case and HR will be involved. I have not talked to my manager about this and don't want to be involved (the last thing I want is having to sit down with the ***** and "talk about this"!)]

What a horrible experience.

IMHO I think it's actually a good idea for you to sit down with this person, although she may just call your friend a liar. I can understand that it won't be a pleasant experience for you but think about the things she is saying about you. She is telling people your incompetent, your a bad mother etc. This sort of gossip is malicious and can potentially ruin your career.

[What should be done to her?! Have any of you ever encountered such a situation? Of course I know that Bully doesn't like me (she hardly likes anybody), but had no idea she hated me so much. I'm never disrespectful or show her what I think about her, I just have no idea what this is all about. But this has gone way too far!!]

She needs to be told that her behavior is completely inappropriate by management because she is creating a toxic work environment. I agree that it has gone too far and kudos to your friend for having the guts to do something about it. Sounds like she's gotten away with things for far too long and this needs to be sorted out. I'm assuming here that this incident will go down on her permanent record, so in future if she does it again then there is evidence that she has a behavioral problem.

I really do hope that it all works out for you. Keep us all informed!

[nursingisworkRN]

I am sure that you realize the age old saying, but it bears repeating to yourself over and over..... "It's not about me." Clearly she has issues and will likely lose some sleep over the lashing she will likely get about professional conduct.

Plus, you should probably also believe that she is insanely jealous of you and has to put you down to your friends to make herself feel at least a little bit adequate. So when she is being so terrible, try to think about how terrible it must be to be in her shoes. Or not, what the heck, but you could TRY.

Or of course, as a coworker told me once, it is like water off a duck's backside. Shake it off baby!!

Sorry to hear about it though. Some people...YIKES :angryfire

[Batman24]

I would lay low and give your manager a chance to speak to HR about the problem. Your friend could also call and make a complaint to HR herself. Legal might also frown down upon nurses being called stupid, etc. to patients. I would not speak to this woman alone. I would call a rep from HR to be in on the coversation if your manager insisted you meet with her. It's always smart to get an independent third party involved.

[GadgetRN71, ASN, RN]

I agree with Batman, this nurse sounds nuttier than squirrel poop and who knows what she might do if you confront her alone. I'd mention it to HR as well because she is defaming you and your rep as a nurse.

[nursemary9, BSN, RN]

Dear DeLana,

I really don't know what to say about the situation, except that others have given you suggestions.

I just want you to know that you have people here to support you.:icon_hug: I'm so sorry when anyone has to go thru such nastiness.:angryfire:angryfire

I know it's never fun!!!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((DeLana)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Good Luck to you:redbeathe

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

I would not confront this person, as hard as it would be because it may further agitate this person. What if she becomes combative? Maybe report it to the powers that be, and then watch what they do. If nothing happens, then, you know the deal; this means no support from them, and you would have to make a decision as to whether or not you should remain there.

[BlueRidgeHomeRN]

[quote=

imho i think it's actually a good idea for you to sit down with this person, quote]

it's incredibly stressful to work with a fruit-loop of this caliber, but the last thing i would do would be talking to her without witnesses. as stated in several earlier posts, she has psyche and/or substance abuse problems [hence the "projection" of this on to you] and will twist any private meetings for her own agenda.

document, pray, and remember she doesn't hate you--she hates everyone!!:redbeathe

[oramar]

Some would advise you to talk to her but I would avoid her in any form at all cost. You have been slandered here. The remark about drugs was beyond the pale. If you engage her she will try to manipulate the situation to push the guilt onto you. Deal with her only through managment. You could possibly engage a lawyer and sue her if she keeps slandering you. Sounds like a borderline personality to me. This time she has gone to far.

[txRN07]

That's awful that you can't trust and depend on your own charge nurse. I would definitely go up the chain of command, and talk to her boss. I hope this gets resolved for you.

[HM2VikingRN, RN]

Review the policies of your hospital covering equal opportunity, and employee violence. I would file a complaint through HR. Document everything. Ask your friend to write a statement. If you are in a union facility run don't walk to talk to a union steward.