What should be done about this? Unbelievable backstabbing...

[DeLana_RN]

I'm still shocked about something that happened two days ago. A good friend of mine works in a department where we sometimes dialyze pts. Well, we have basically a good unit except for one bully/troublemaker/ backstabber who happens to be the charge nurse. Almost everyone hates her because she has ratted on them, etc etc (picture your typical bully scenario). Of course, like all such types, she smiles to your face and you walk away with knives in your back. Sadly, my colleagues who have put up with this for years (I'm fairly new) have not insisted that something be done about this - i.e., nobody wants to be the one to have her disciplined.

Two days ago she had to dialyze a pt of a good friend of mine who works in another department. When my friend mentioned my name, the bully started to slander me, although my friend told her that we are friends. Among other things, she told her I was incompetent, stupid, and may be on drugs because I "just don't get it" when she tries to tell me something. :angryfire Then, she proceeded to ask my friend about my personal life and insinuated that I'm a bad mother :angryfire Never mind I never talk to her about anything personal! And on and on. She even asked my friend why she would want to be friends with me! :angryfire My friend was just flabbergasted and listened to this for a while, unbelieving... and then cut her off.

As you can imagine, I was devastated when I heard this the next day. Assuming that Ms Bully wants a confrontation, I did not let on that I know about this. Instead, my friend called my manager and told her how unprofessional Bully was; she was told that HR would be involved. I have not talked to my manager about this and don't plan to (the last thing I want is having to sit down with the ***** and "talk about this"!)

What should be done to her?! Have any of you ever encountered such a situation? Of course I know that Bully doesn't like me (she hardly likes anybody), but had no idea she hated me so much. I'm never disrespectful or show her what I think about her, I just have no idea what this is all about. But this has gone way too far!!!

Your thoughts?

Thanks,

DeLana

[luvmy3kids]

I don't have any advice to offer, I just wanted to give you a cyber :icon_hug: and tell you how sorry I am that someone could say such hurtful things. I do agree, however, that people who put down others do so to make themselves feel better. HTH's a little....

Take care, let us know what happens. Jen

[precious33]

This is a typical classic case,my grandma used to say "one hand can,t clap".

I would have listened to both sides of the story from the two parties involved in the conversation at the time.

Do you ever stop to ask yourself what part your friend played during the process of time when the so called "bully" was speaking?

Was she silience for the whole time or was she leading on the conversation?

[sonnyluv]

As a student nurse about to graduate, and a male who probably thinks about confrontation in a different manner as my female peersdo, here's what I do as an intervention (and have done as I have worked as an EMT in a hospital setting who has had to deal with his fair share of medical bullies including MD's and RN's.)

Go as far above your charges head as you can get. Obviously your charge's supervisors know about her behavior and have no intentions of doing anything about it. Get a lawyer to call HR. Have your lawyer inform them that your charge has 1) invaded a pt's right to privacy 2) committed slander 3) shown unbelievable bias towards her ability to objectively use power without harassment.

At minimum your charge will not bother you again. Trust me. The minute she gets hauled into upper management's office, it'll scare the pants off of her. It's doubtful that she'll be terminated but any hospital with a function office of legal compliance will severely reprimand her. There is nothing wrong with appropriately pushing back with a bully. And pushing hard. If more bully nurses knew that their innapropriate behavior would get them in trouble, instead of it going on and on and on, it would stop. Nurses seem to tolerate a bit too much nonsense- not sure why.

Don't be afraid to defend yourself with strength (and an attorney). They say pick your battles well, this is an excellent battle to pick.

Just remeber- it has nothing to do with the quality person that you are. This is about your charge using her authprity as a playground for her personal issues. Thats out of line and a no-no.

Good luck.

[Riseupandnurse]

DO NOT talk to this woman!! Nothing good can come of it. your friend needs to follow up and if no action, I would contact HR and tell them you certainly don't want to resort to suing for slander (implication: but will if need be even though I LOVE this workplace :heartbeat:D). What she has done is a civil wrong and illegal to the max, since it could damage your ability to make a living with falsehoods. Don't let her get away with it; the institution will not protect her if doing so would expose them to a possible lawsuit.

[Valerie Salva, BSN, RN]

Some would advise you to talk to her but I would avoid her in any form at all cost. You have been slandered here. The remark about drugs was beyond the pale. If you engage her she will try to manipulate the situation to push the guilt onto you. Deal with her only through managment. You could possibly engage a lawyer and sue her if she keeps slandering you. Sounds like a borderline personality to me. This time she has gone to far.

I agree. I would not have any kind of meeting in which this toxic nurse is included. These kind of people are experts at manipulating things to make themselves look like the innocent victim, when they are in reality, perpetrators. In my experience, mgmt usually are easily manipulated by these people- they know how to tell mgmt exactly what they want to hear, just the way they want to hear it.

Hopefully, there is someone in HR with a clue, and they will deal with the situation.

[DeLana_RN, BSN, RN]

This is a typical classic case,my grandma used to say "one hand can,t clap".

I would have listened to both sides of the story from the two parties involved in the conversation at the time.

Do you ever stop to ask yourself what part your friend played during the process of time when the so called "bully" was speaking?

Was she silience for the whole time or was she leading on the conversation?

My friend was defending me, although she should have probably ended the conversation when it began; she was just taken by surprise, not having suspected anything like this (she often tells my coworkers that she is my friend when they dialyze one of her pts; never has anyone said anything negative about me, quite the opposite!).

As for talking to the bully about this, I have no intention of doing so - unless asked to by management and/or HR. And certainly not without witnesses!

DeLana

[DeLana_RN, BSN, RN]

Again, thanks to all of you for your support; it means a lot.

I still think about this a lot and feel like I've been beaten up! This alternates with thoughts of "she's finally going to get what she's had coming for a long, long time!"

I also think that she has a serious personality disorder, either borderline or antisocial. Since I've had the misfortune of two previous antisocial managers, I realize she's not quite the same, not as openly ruthless; instead, she's more manipulative, which points toward a borderline personality. Whatever it is, she has gone waaaayyyyy too far this time and messed with the wrong one (my friend!)

I'm also very proud of my new mgr (my colleagues had all thought that she would never doing anything about the bully!)

DeLana

[ShayRN]

All I can say is WOW, just WOW. People like this never fail to amaze me with their nastiness. I think you would be best to just let the chips fall where they may. I cannot see the upper management of the hospital being happy about this being discussed about one of their nurses. That is all a sue happy patient needs to hear, Nurse so-and-so is on drugs. I know its true because I heard the charge nurse telling another nurse that today.

Now all that being said, I am a fighter. If this was done to me I would have been up in the manager's office so fast the next day, her head would have spun. I don't have a lawyer, never had a need for one. But, I would be calling HR and telling them I would be more than happy to find one if I EVER get wind of her bad mouthing me again. To insinuate your on drugs? OMG! Then to go on and push that you may be a bad mother? I am so angry for you right now, I could just spit nails. How your keeping your cool is BEYOND me.

[DeLana_RN, BSN, RN]

Now all that being said, I am a fighter. If this was done to me I would have been up in the manager's office so fast the next day, her head would have spun. I don't have a lawyer, never had a need for one. But, I would be calling HR and telling them I would be more than happy to find one if I EVER get wind of her bad mouthing me again. To insinuate your on drugs? OMG! Then to go on and push that you may be a bad mother? I am so angry for you right now, I could just spit nails. How your keeping your cool is BEYOND me.

Believe me, there's a lot I would like to tell the bully, or my manager, about this. But after calming down and thinking this through, I - and my friend - decided that the best course of action would be for her handle this, just as she had planned to do from the start. Fortunately, I haven't been at work since I heard about this (I work PRN), so I haven't had to look at the enemy (when the time comes, this will be very hard).

I just have to be patient right now and see how this plays out.

Thanks for your support.

DeLana