What to do with a bf who just wants me for my degree

[mstaurus2016]

Hello all, & happy new year. It has been some time since posting on this site, but I don't really have a lot of friends to consult with about a certain issue I'm facing during nursing school. I only have 12 months left of my program & my child's father seems to want to work things out all of a sudden. Background info:

We were together for 7 years.

Went through a lot of turmoil, which resulted in him breaking up with me.

I predominately raise our child alone during the week, whether I'm in school or not, which has been very tough.

My family helps financially with most of our needs.

Anyway, I found some messages on his phone between him and his friend after I borrowed his cell to make a call. Basically he presumes that RN's make a ton of money, & that I'll be supporting him, our child, his child from a previous relationship, & MYSELF after graduating! I've never been a gold digger, but he works a dead end job & has no education. I forced myself into believing I loved him, but this does it. How should I dump him? We don't live together....I just feel so alone. I dropped all friends to responsibly raise my child & dedicate myself to nursing school. I was looking forward to someone to genuinely be there for me & take interest in my life. Thanks for reading, if you did. Have a blessed day/night.

[FutureMSN]

Very good for you.

I know a nurse whose boyfriend broke up with her while she was in nursing school and conveniently came back on the scene once she graduated and proposed. Could be coincidence; could be well thought out timing. Sharks are out here. He'll be back around near graduation time and once he sees you but something nice once you're working in the field. People like that keep tabs on you. Best you can do is get some good friends. There's no reason you shouldn't have any. Work on your self esteem just as much as your studies. Love yourself properly and you'll refuse anyone else who can't do the same.

[Shookclays, ASN, BSN, CNA, RN]

A friend was going through this exact situation except they had no kids together but as soon as she became a Pediatric NP, he all of a sudden wanted to go to the courthouse and get married. No wedding. No reception. Now he's unemployed, running the streets, and reaping HER hard earned six figure paycheck. I really hope she comes to her senses. It's already a rocky "marriage". Get out while you can.

[Buyer beware, BSN]

Hell yes you should dump him! There are plenty of decent, respectable men out there who will not view you as an ATM. finish school, settle in and start looking.

I wish you well. You deserve better than this jerk.

This story is so sad to me as it is emblematic of what happens to many (female nurses) after years of supporting a partner/spouse and then one day discovering they are with someone who can't pull his own weight. Really the personification of a grown-up child.

This syndrome, if you will, has been elucidated by some very insightful writers down though the years and it has been somewhat attributed to the instinct many (female) nurses have to want to take care of things.

OP in your case it is telling that you see the writing on the wall now while still in school and are laying plans to change things for the betterment of you and your child.

Hold your head high. You really are a very wise woman.

[marinedoc]

I'm in a bit of a similar situation. I used to be a hospital corpsman (medic) in the navy and marines. My wife left me for my best friend, and took our kids. That was yrs ago.

I got out of the service, finished my bachelors, and went to medical sch. Like your bf, she is in a dead-end job. Now, I'm a doctor, she is hinting she wants back. Sound familiar??

Do what EVERYBODY here recommends - dump him. Live your life, enjoy, take care of your kid. You WILL find someone much, much better. You have NOTHING in common with him anymore. He's like a sperm donor.

Remember, "water seeks its OWN level". Find someone in your (new) 'world'. Life is too short to waste.

God bless!

[Lapzs]

Yes! As a male on this forum, I say good on you for leaving him!

[chrysanthemum, BSN, RN]

Sending you a digital hug because it seems like you could use one right about now: ::hugs::

Keep your chin up. You are going places! And you will inevitably meet new people, make new friends, and someday meet an amazing person who is worthy of your time. Just gotta keep on keeping on. And come back here to vent about anything anytime.

[dorkypanda]

a real man would have dreams and aspirations for himself while also being supportive of his lady's goals too.

[smartassmommy]

Lawyer up buttercup. He says that he won't sre your child anymore, but that may change come graduation. He could suddenly develop a strong desire to raise your kiddo. If he wants your paycheck badly enough, he will find a means to go after it.

[Beldar_the_Cenobite, CNA]

There was a girl I wanted to date in the school I wanted to go to. I asked her if she was seeing anybody while she was in. Her response wasn't one I liked but I respected it. I'm not a deadbeat. I want to be an RN. I'm going to school to get there. I seek help when I need it. I take notes when I ask for help. I know she doesn't think that. I think she thinks I want to date her because she graduated and that I'd use her for all the answers but that's not what I want because that wouldn't be very fair to her hard work. I like her for her brains. She took Calculus III while in nursing school which is crazy to me! It doesn't hurt to have a study partner. Like if you're learning how to do a partial bed bath in nursing school which is a CNA's job mainly, I'd like to use her as my patient to practice or she could tutor me on how to do pharmacology where the quiz is 100% or you don't continue on. It's only cheating if they help you with tests.

I had so many questions to ask her about nursing school and EVERYTHING and one day she just said "Delete my email. Don't contact me again." And so I did. She will never hear from me EVER again. It doesn't matter if I have my BSN or not. Her loss, not mine. And if I don't get into nursing school or graduate, oh well. I'm not going to worry about it. I'll stick with CNA school(refresher) and work all the double-shifts I want.

I hope with what I've said, I don't sound like the OPs guy that she should dump cause she didn't say anything about what he wants to do with his life. I guess deadbeat guys are the same as guys who have goals. I didn't know it was that way or else I would have ever gotten in contact with the girl I mentioned in my post.

[callinshotz, RN]

One of the biggest decisions you make in life is who you choose to spend it with. Even a week in the wrong relationship can knock you off your path. I am a firm believer in curating your life and the people you want in it. Maybe he's just good playing the baby father roll in your life. Move on and keep it pushing.

[Kayauhs]

LEARN TO SAY NO.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

There was a girl I wanted to date in the school I wanted to go to. I asked her if she was seeing anybody while she was in. Her response wasn't one I liked but I respected it. I'm not a deadbeat. I want to be an RN. I'm going to school to get there. I seek help when I need it. I take notes when I ask for help. I know she doesn't think that. I think she thinks I want to date her because she graduated and that I'd use her for all the answers but that's not what I want because that wouldn't be very fair to her hard work. I like her for her brains. She took Calculus III while in nursing school which is crazy to me! It doesn't hurt to have a study partner. Like if you're learning how to do a partial bed bath in nursing school which is a CNA's job mainly, I'd like to use her as my patient to practice or she could tutor me on how to do pharmacology where the quiz is 100% or you don't continue on. It's only cheating if they help you with tests.

I had so many questions to ask her about nursing school and EVERYTHING and one day she just said "Delete my email. Don't contact me again." And so I did. She will never hear from me EVER again. It doesn't matter if I have my BSN or not. Her loss, not mine. And if I don't get into nursing school or graduate, oh well. I'm not going to worry about it. I'll stick with CNA school(refresher) and work all the double-shifts I want.

I hope with what I've said, I don't sound like the OPs guy that she should dump cause she didn't say anything about what he wants to do with his life. I guess deadbeat guys are the same as guys who have goals. I didn't know it was that way or else I would have ever gotten in contact with the girl I mentioned in my post.

The OP has had a long term and problematic relationship with her boyfriend, with whom she shares a child. She discovered on his phone texts to his buddies in which he made clear that he is interested in her only (or primarily) because she will soon have a stable job and can support him, their child and HIS child from a previous relationship. The OP does not wish to be with a man who sees her only as a paycheck. The OP's take is that the boyfriend has no goals or ambitions for himself beyond being supported by his baby mamma. From the text, it seems clear to the OP that the boyfriend does not wish to be a partner. She is choosing not to continue a relationship with a man she's going to have to support because he chooses not to support himself and his children. Perhaps this a a different situation from yours.