Short version (tl;dr) been an RN since January 2019. Over 6 jobs. Finally accepted my dream job and can't find myself to get excited as I should due to fear of something bad happening. Also received my BSN very recently.
This sounds bad I know.
First job: I worked, it was because of me not feeling as though I was getting adequate training (ICU) .
Second job: (One of the largest Healthcare organizations in my state with almost a building for every specialty.) (Ortho/neuro med surg unit) Totally my fault, even though I was hired for night shift, no one told me that I had to work days for 5 weeks before we going to nights. I hate days with a passion plus I was back in school for RN-BSN, so I never went back after the first day,i really did like it but I just couldn't do days.
Third job: (Freestanding psych facility) The guy instructor was too touchy Feely on me and after telling him to stop, he threatened me and said that he'd flunk me from orientation, it didn't go past Orientation because I left after one week (didn't even get to work the floor).
Fourth job: My first time at a nursing home, doing only treatment nursing( didn't have any advanced skills/ guidance or for someone to slap some sense into me and tell me that I wasn't as nearly ready for treatments (over 100+ residents) which included wounds and changing trachs/drains etc... but just because nurses are scarce in my area especially rns, they threw me to the wolves!!!) Left after one month.
Fifth job: LOOOOVED IT! It was long term care working nights(first 8 hr shift nursing job, working 4 on 2 off ) . No problems whatsoever, and was the longest I had ever been on an RN job(almost 3 months) . I even told my parents that this was going to be the job I keep until I'm done with grad school. Welppp, one day an influx of residents from another facility come in(we had zero knowledge about and had only found this out an hour before arrival even though the administrators knew weeks prior) and my residents were having panic attacks and calling family members because they room were being used with people who were incompatible, the outside residents were very sick from a long ride and some hadn't even had their insulin or oxygen and were being given food during triage without knowledge of their diet or allergies. I was trying to tell the managing staff including, the DON, administrator and regional person(the boss I guess) because I have always been an advocate for my patients. I guess they took this as me being belligerent and not wanting to care for the extra 30+ people on top of my 35+ regular residents. I stood up for what I thought was right , and didn't back down. Well it cost me my job. I was fired for "insubordination" aka arguing about safety to the DON/NFA/and the Region Director of Operations(the head of everything ) after simply stating that these people are sick and we need more staff(we were told that they would bring their own staff, but of course THEY DID NOT!)
It took me weeks to finally sit and analyze if nursing was for me, I really believed that that the last nursing home would've been where I planted myself at and flourished. Sadly mistaken. I even went as far as to tell my mom that it seems as though to make it in Nursing nowadays, you can't have a caring and compassionate spirit towards people.
I take 100% full responsibility of my previous actions with other jobs and I also believe that the last job could've been handled differently on both sides but after talking to my awesome elderly LPN's and RNs, I knew that everything was going to be better and there were quite a few who went through this in there first year of nursing
............. but in the back of my head, I still felt like if I'm speaking up for those who can't speak for themselves I'd get kicked in the butt and it makes me my not want to speak up for anyone anymore. Even though nursing isn't a passion for me, I have a naturally caring, compassionate, motherly soul (team cancer ). My feelings can go from 0-100 QUICK.
Anywho, I've received yet another interview, but it's from the organization's, that I've been trying soooo long to get into since clinical which was 1-2 years ago. I'm excited but I'm still timid because it seems as though something is jinxing me, or someone has sent negative energy my way(In my culture I wholeheartedly believe that otherworldly energies are real such as /voodoo/obeah/santeria etc...
Anyone out there that's experienced this or know anyone who has? Advice, ideas?....