What to do with a bf who just wants me for my degree

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Hello all, & happy new year. It has been some time since posting on this site, but I don't really have a lot of friends to consult with about a certain issue I'm facing during nursing school. I only have 12 months left of my program & my child's father seems to want to work things out all of a sudden. Background info:

We were together for 7 years.

Went through a lot of turmoil, which resulted in him breaking up with me.

I predominately raise our child alone during the week, whether I'm in school or not, which has been very tough.

My family helps financially with most of our needs.

Anyway, I found some messages on his phone between him and his friend after I borrowed his cell to make a call. Basically he presumes that RN's make a ton of money, & that I'll be supporting him, our child, his child from a previous relationship, & MYSELF after graduating! I've never been a gold digger, but he works a dead end job & has no education. I forced myself into believing I loved him, but this does it. How should I dump him? We don't live together....I just feel so alone. I dropped all friends to responsibly raise my child & dedicate myself to nursing school. I was looking forward to someone to genuinely be there for me & take interest in my life. :( Thanks for reading, if you did. Have a blessed day/night.

Women don't need to be sneaky or make up fake reasons, they have the right to end a dating relationship at any time and for whatever reason they deem sufficient.

I listened to a radio show recently while driving where they were discussing a TV show where a couple had a blind date. The woman said she wasn't interested in a second date (I think he was a smoker, and there was another reason that escapes me now-she thought he was a little pedantic maybe), and the DJs were debating whether or not her reason was "good enough." I was yelling at the radio "She doesn't have to have a "GOOD" reason!!! 'I don't want to' is ALL the reason she (or anyone for that matter) needs to either not pursue a relationship or end an existing one!"

"I need to know why he dumped me so I can have closure" is a common theme among people who are dumped. Really, WHY? You don't want to date someone who wants out, right? He wants out. End of story. Move on and find the guy who can't live without you!!!

I wouldn't apply any of that to a marriage. If one is legally committed to another, I think marriage counseling should almost always precede divorce. But for dating, nope! No matter the reason, one should never continue to date someone you are not enthusiastic about.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I listened to a radio show recently while driving where they were discussing a TV show where a couple had a blind date. The woman said she wasn't interested in a second date (I think he was a smoker, and there was another reason that escapes me now-she thought he was a little pedantic maybe), and the DJs were debating whether or not her reason was "good enough." I was yelling at the radio "She doesn't have to have a "GOOD" reason!!! 'I don't want to' is ALL the reason she (or anyone for that matter) needs to either not pursue a relationship or end an existing one!"

"I need to know why he dumped me so I can have closure" is a common theme among people who are dumped. Really, WHY? You don't want to date someone who wants out, right? He wants out. End of story. Move on and find the guy who can't live without you!!!

I wouldn't apply any of that to a marriage. If one is legally committed to another, I think marriage counseling should almost always precede divorce. But for dating, nope! No matter the reason, one should never continue to date someone you are not enthusiastic about.

I agree with everything you said -- BUT . . . .

If there is abuse or multiple infidelities involved, get out ASAP -- don't wait for marriage counseling. You risk your life staying in an abusive relationship because "it's not that bad." (It can go from "it's not that bad" to "HELP! He's trying to kill me!" faster than one can blink an eye.). And as for multiple infidelities -- if he did it once, perhaps you can work through it. If you want to. It's a deal breaker for some. But if he keeps doing it, it's unlikely that marriage counseling is going to make him stop.

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I agree with everything you said -- BUT . . . .

If there is abuse or multiple infidelities involved, get out ASAP -- don't wait for marriage counseling. You risk your life staying in an abusive relationship because "it's not that bad." (It can go from "it's not that bad" to "HELP! He's trying to kill me!" faster than one can blink an eye.). And as for multiple infidelities -- if he did it once, perhaps you can work through it. If you want to. It's a deal breaker for some. But if he keeps doing it, it's unlikely that marriage counseling is going to make him stop.

Ruby Vee, I totally agree. I might even add serious drug abuse/alcoholism where the partner refuses to get help or admit a problem. Or someone who commits serious crimes against humanity...

I could probably think of a few more deal breakers.

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Specializes in Emergency.

Run! And don't look back.

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Specializes in LTC Management, Community Nursing, HHC.
...... I predominately raise our child alone during the week, whether I'm in school or not, which has been very tough. My family helps financially with most of our needs ....

I found some messages on his phone between him and his friend after I borrowed his cell to make a call. Basically he presumes that RN's make a ton of money, & that I'll be supporting him, our child, his child from a previous relationship, & MYSELF after graduating ....... he works a dead end job & has no education. I forced myself into believing I loved him, but this does it .....

You provided many clues and answers in your post. Even the heading is an answer in itself - What to do with your boyfriend who just wants you for your degree. You know he just wants you for an easier life. From what you've said, he's irresponsible, doesn't take care of his own child or the one you both have together, and your family has to support you and your child. Is that the type of man you want to be with? If someone loves you, he'll work hard to take care of himself as well as the family you both have together. Think about your child, and do what's best for you and your child.

I truly hope you make it through nursing school, but what happens if you have to take time off, or you drop out (just thinking about worst case scenario to explain my point). Will he then leave you and look for another woman who's going to make a good income? You and your child deserve much better, and so does your family who's been supporting you. You can do this. Be strong for yourself and your child. All the best to you.

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DUMP HIM! I know it can be hard when you have so much history with a person but as a new grad you definitely will not be making enough to solely financially support everyone. He seems like he's only holding you back from moving on and you can do so much better!

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Run, run away as fast as you can.

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Thank you for your replies, & encouragement.

I broke up with him & he has stated he will no longer see our child. Luckily, he was placed on child support a year ago & makes payments.

The new semester has started & I have arrangements with my grandmother who is flying in from Ukraine to help care for my child with my demanding schedule. :) I'm more than blessed to have this scum out of our lives & saw how silly it is to be sad. Again, thank you.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Thank you for your replies, & encouragement.

I broke up with him & he has stated he will no longer see our child. Luckily, he was placed on child support a year ago & makes payments.

The new semester has started & I have arrangements with my grandmother who is flying in from Ukraine to help care for my child with my demanding schedule. :) I'm more than blessed to have this scum out of our lives & saw how silly it is to be sad. Again, thank you.

Good for you!

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Specializes in retired LTC.

I really support the advice that OP should LEGALLY protect herself from her BF for the sake of their child. But if he is supporting the child, he may still have some legal parental rights re child visitations.

Even if he SAID he'd 'no longer see the child', I'd be wary. If push comes to shove, he can still become a REAL deadbeat and raise all kinds of bad mojo for OP. Make sure the previous court decisions really do protect OP & child.

All things aside, the general public opinion of nurses is that we all hold stable, well paying jobs in a career field that has unlimited job security & opportunity. Yeah, right!

A nurse trophy-girlfriend can be mighty appealing to some lowlife!

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You'll be booboo the fool if you don't leave him!

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You got this!

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