Am I the only one who works night shift and hates it when there are unplanned visitors that decide "today I am going to visit X" with little or no notice? I feel like it is really rude. I get that they are my boyfriend's family but my family doesn't drop in with little notice and expect us to entertain them. Not to mention the food. They ate 200 dollars worth of food in a weekend. We don't normally
I work night shift so they want to do stuff during the day when I sleep. We have a bilevel house and the kitchen is near the master bedroom so I hear when they bang stuff around cooking. For some reason, people only want to shower or use the upstairs bathroom which is close to the bed and is connected to the bedroom (there is access from both bedroom and hallway) and won't use our downstairs bathroom.
I don't know if I am unreasonable that I want to get a good night sleep. We have a cath lab so we get sick people. A lot of codes come here. We get a lot of squads, more than I feel like the hospital should be getting compared to other hospitals. I've told my boyfriend that if I am too tired to work, people could potentially die (his response is if he is tired, then people could die too which pissed me off because no one wants to do **** when he is sleeping and I don't go into the bedroom).
It would be different if they gave us some notice like more than a week. My schedule is planned out in four weeks so I actually would prefer them to ask. I wish my boyfriend would check with me too. He said he would next time because I complained.
I can't tell if I am unreasonable here. I don't care when his dad comes in because he is quiet and stays to himself.
I don't recommend staying in a hotel for a quiet day of sleep.
What a shop of horrors That would be with slamming doors, hotel cleaning staff, etc.
Yeah, I tried that in the past when I took a night shift job out of town. It was a disaster (the sleeping in the hotel part), and I had to make other arrangements.
I hate company. I get the whole anxiety thing too, even if it's just my sister stopping in & she lives down the street. My in-laws live all over the country, but it never fails that we will be "informed" of a visit with little choice (sometimes, it's a phone call during the last 30 minutes of a multi-hr drive; does it never occur to them we may be away?).
Last yr, somehow it was decided that we were hosting Thanksgiving for my MIL, SIL & kids, BIL & wife. Guess who was working? Night shift? Three out of four days they stayed? Not a happy camper.
This year, new unit & no more night shift. So MIL decides she wants to come for Thanksgiving. Again. Even after being told that's my holiday to be on call & I'm not planning much (like I'm throwing a turkey breast in a crock pot kind of meal). Yippee.Ki.Yay.
I double dog dare you to order one of those "fully cooked" thanksgiving meals in a box from your local grocer..... Make a few photocopies of the directions so that everyone gets a copy......
My husband was a day sleeper for years! We've been were you are now. People do not get it, I'm not sure why? They like their sleep, but when it comes to someone else's I guess they don't care. Set some ground rules with BF and his family and when they don't respect it, it's time to go nuclear. "Dropping by to say hi" at 4am is a very clear message about what interrupted sleep can feel like. Good luck!
One of you two needs to grow a pair, or use the ones that one of you already has. Since it's his family, I'd let him go first, but if he can't get the point across, you need to go in both barrels blazing!
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Am I the only one who works night shift and hates it when there are unplanned visitors that decide "today I am going to visit X" with little or no notice? I feel like it is really rude. I get that they are my boyfriend's family but my family doesn't drop in with little notice and expect us to entertain them. Not to mention the food. They ate 200 dollars worth of food in a weekend. We don't normally
I work night shift so they want to do stuff during the day when I sleep. We have a bilevel house and the kitchen is near the master bedroom so I hear when they bang stuff around cooking. For some reason, people only want to shower or use the upstairs bathroom which is close to the bed and is connected to the bedroom (there is access from both bedroom and hallway) and won't use our downstairs bathroom.
I don't know if I am unreasonable that I want to get a good night sleep. We have a cath lab so we get sick people. A lot of codes come here. We get a lot of squads, more than I feel like the hospital should be getting compared to other hospitals. I've told my boyfriend that if I am too tired to work, people could potentially die (his response is if he is tired, then people could die too which pissed me off because no one wants to do **** when he is sleeping and I don't go into the bedroom).
It would be different if they gave us some notice like more than a week. My schedule is planned out in four weeks so I actually would prefer them to ask. I wish my boyfriend would check with me too. He said he would next time because I complained.
I can't tell if I am unreasonable here. I don't care when his dad comes in because he is quiet and stays to himself.
You are not unreasonable. Sleep is a necessity and if your boyfriend and his family won't respect that, you need to have a talk with them.
You do not have to be available on no notice. Do not be. If all of the polite conversation in the world doesn't solve this particular part of the problem, simply not being available will. Make sure you keep you car keys with you (both sets) so they can't pull the "I wanted to go see the museum and you wouldn't wake up, so I borrowed your car." Someone who will not respect your boundaries in terms of calling before visiting or respecting your sleep isn't going to respect your car, either, or your possible need to use it to get to work.
Get a big fan in your bedroom and turn in on "high" when you go to sleep. I've managed to sleep through furniture being deliver, Stanley Steamer cleaning the carpet in the next room and my ex moving into (and then out of) my house. A little cooking won't disturb you.
Lock the bathroom door to the hall from the INSIDE. Keep it locked while they're there. Your bathroom is YOUR bathroom. Private. Even your boyfriend shouldn't be using that bathroom (assuming there is another available) while you're trying to sleep.
And then there's the nuclear option. Call THEM at 2 or 3 am just to sleep. Bang around in the kitchen when your boyfriend is sleeping. Call from work just to chat. Show up at the family's house to have breakfast after work. Play loud music -- whatever it takes to get their attention. I've had to resort to that from time to time and it's usually effective. Not usually the first time, but two or three almost always worked. It took my father a bit more than that. I once reported him as an obscene caller. (He called at noon just to chat. In my befuddled sleep state, I didn't recognize his voice. When I asked who he was, his reply was "I used to change your diapers." I reported the call as obscene. He didn't think it was funny but the rest of the family thought it was freaking hilarious!)
I'm fortunate that my husband works graveyards and so completely gets the sleep thing (I work 1800--0600), and his family isn't terribly close so they have never dropped by. My family has also been cautious about my sleep time, so I'm very fortunate there too. I did have a very disagreeable visit from my DON, however. Had a hellish noc shift and didn't even get a chance to listen to the taped report until 0200, when I learned that one of my residents had a newly doubled lasix order and a critical low potassium, the doc had been notified but hadn't responded yet. I faxed the doc, told him I was putting the AM dose of lasix on hold until we heard from him about the potassium of 2.9, passed it on in report, went home and was sleeping blissfully until the door was pounded on, mid-morning. I was expecting a package, so answered the door to find my DON, who couldn't figure out why I'd held a brand new order of lasix. My sleep-confuzzled brain had a difficult time reconciling the sight and sound of my DON at my front door with me in my nightgown and bathrobe--and the reasoning behind the visit sent my poor brain into a tailspin. I've thought of "going nuclear" and arriving at her door at 0100 some day and asking her a perfectly inane question, but I don't think she'd get it--she still thinks that I overstepped my boundaries as nurse holding that lasix dose.
I concur with locking your room and the bathroom. Putting up prominent "Do not disturb" signs in the kitchen may help, if they are at all interested in being reasonable. Hope it works out for you.
Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.
Not to be snarky...but that's one thing I really enjoy about being single and living alone! I can dictate my needs if I'm working nocs.
My husband didn't get it. My (later) boyfriend kind of understood. But I am not a night person. Therefore, if my sleeping body hears any noise, I'm up. And can't fall back asleep, which sucks.
I love sleep. I found out that when I'm home alone, in silence, I sleep more soundly during the day.
You probably won't believe this but he is telling you that he does not consider how his actions affect you. He is also selfish. If you marry him it will get worse. This is the same guy that will leave you stuck with a crying baby all day and night while he hangs out with his cousins. I know you're saying to yourself "it's just company at the house, it's not that deep" IT IS.
My first wife was totally disrespectful of my sleep. She would wake me up to go to lunch when I had to be back to work, have people over and schedule things to interfere with my sleep. I decided one week to call her every night at 2 AM and ask her to clean this or that and keep her on the phone as long as possible. That changed her attitude. Unless you work it or have grown up with it (my kids are amazing at this), you will never understand. Turning the tables is the best way to deal with it, it isn't being passive aggressive, it is teaching empathy.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
My first wife was totally disrespectful of my sleep. She would wake me up to go to lunch when I had to be back to work, have people over and schedule things to interfere with my sleep. I decided one week to call her every night at 2 AM and ask her to clean this or that and keep her on the phone as long as possible. That changed her attitude. Unless you work it or have grown up with it (my kids are amazing at this), you will never understand. Turning the tables is the best way to deal with it, it isn't being passive aggressive, it is teaching empathy.
Unfortunate that it had to be taught so late in life.
APRN., DNP, RN, APRN, NP
995 Posts
I don't recommend staying in a hotel for a quiet day of sleep.
What a shop of horrors That would be with slamming doors, hotel cleaning staff, etc.