Hi all- I need some advice.
I recently got a job at a hospital that I wanted to work at VERY MUCH, and got placed on the step-down unit I requested. I was assigned to a preceptor who did a good job teaching, and things were going well. I was told that I was doing a good job and I felt comfortable with my progression.
I was moved around between several different preceptors over the next 4 weeks due to staffing issues. On the last day I worked there, I was assigned to a preceptor I had not worked with before. She was telling me what to do every 30 seconds, and telling me to drop what I was doing to do something else before I had any time to finish it (and this is not because I'm new and slow, nobody would have had time to do it :)). This went on all day, and was quite distressing.
I made several attempts to fix it, very politely letting her know that her constant direction was making it difficult for me to organize my work- and I promise this was not just an issue of her trying to teach me priorities or being extra vigilant with a new person.
8 hours later, I was not so chipper. I was frustrated and I'm sure that frustration was showing some in my behavior- never in front of a patient of course, but I don't think I was being perfectly sunny with her. I had a very difficult time getting things done in a timely manner ALL DAY because of the constant interruptions.
Long story short, I was called into a meeting with supervisors and told I was doing a bad job by my manager- He said I would still be an employee but would be moved to another floor. I was devastated, and pointed out that I had received good feedback until now- He told me I must have not been listening. Seriously.
I understand that if you burn bridges in an area, whether it's your fault or not, it might be wise to cut your losses and move to another unit. And, maybe I wasn't meant to be in that area anyways. So, I am trying to forgive, forget, move on, and make a new start. That's all going good. Well, good-ish.
So. I had to make an appointment with a higher-up, who had not met me and who had a list of "issues" printed up from my unit. This list included a few things I could work on, but mostly was out-of-context ridiculousness. She had not actually spoken to anyone from my unit, she had just received this memo, and from it she seemed to have come to the conclusion that I was a very serious problem and maybe should be discharged. Wow.
We talked, I was positive, admitted to having some failings in my communication skills that day (we all do sometimes of course), and detailed some ways I could work on that. I felt like I couldn't defend myself- anything I argued would be further proof to her that I was a poor team player who wouldn't accept responsibility.
So. Then there was another meeting with someone who was supposed to be an advocate for me, and that went well, and he really did support me, but we all still were in agreement that I should move to another unit. However, I need to write a detention-type essay about everything I did wrong, how it negatively impacted my unit's teamwork, and all the things I would do to improve myself if I were to be kept on. I also am required to write apologies to all my preceptors for my bad behavior to "tie up loose ends and bring closure to relationships".
I do not owe apologies to my preceptors. Two of them were totally uninvolved, and I had apologized to that ill-behaved preceptor on the day in question several times, and tried to fix the working situation. Anything to make it better. I don't think the DON understands the situation fully, but I don't feel like I am in a position to argue.
I was EXTREMELY careful and tactful when explaining that I felt, while I would love to work on some of my own problems with a new preceptor, I felt like maybe the situation had been blown out of proportion. I delicately pointed out that although the preceptor had the impression that I was a bad, obnoxious person, I was not actually so. I admitted that it is definitely possible I gave her the wrong impression of me, and that I would examine myself and work on my communication style. My advocate agreed that it was most likely exaggerated and that the preceptor had got me wrong, but that doesn't change what I have to do.
So, here's the question, finally- I understand that sometimes unfair things happen and you have to suck it up, and maybe later I will find that it's all for the best. BUT, I don't want this to go on my record as a huge blemish, nor do I want any new manager/ preceptor I have to think I am a bad egg. I was doing okay with the forgiveness and moving on until I was required to detail all my failings in these notes. I am being asked to admit to being a bad team player, which I have NOT proven to be (this was not a large enough inquiry to ask people for GOOD things about me, apparently). If I don't take responsibility, I won't be doing what they ask, and if I do I'll be bad-mouthing myself on paper and in effect agreeing with their view of things. Even though many nurses had good things to say about me, my supervisor is only focusing on the bad, and making it sound like it was a pattern of terrible behavior, and not just the last day.
I don't know what to do. I do NOT want to go to another hospital, I am HAPPY at this one. I already have agreed to go to a different unit (if they decide to keep me, which I guess is all but certain), but I just don't know how to go about fullfilling their requirements without admitting to problems that I don't have- they want some serious details! I am going to write the stuff, I need to keep my job, and I want to work for this company- but how do I do it without damaging myself, and how do I forgive and move on?
Thanks!
-Rose
