I just need to vent about my horrid day. I'm an aide on med surg.
Had an elderly male pt whose wife had been abusing him for some time. Malnurished (think Auschwitz), dirty, etc. She shows up after pt statd that she was not to be allowed to visit. I found her shaking him by the shoulders, screaming at him, demanding to know what he signed, that he has no rights, etc. I pulled her off him, being careful because she is elderly herself. I'm floored. I'm not that naive to think that women don't abuse men, but this was so sad I cried on the way home. I feel helpless because as an aide I can't do much. Social work and the nice family members (irony: her daughters) are POA now. Daughter states, who lives out of town that she thinks he hasn't been bathed in months. He had been locked in a closet without heat or food for days.
The nurses weren't too happy that I handled this situation but by God, I'm not going to stand by and watch a woman (or anyone) abuse another. Evil prevails because good men do nothing. There are plenty of witnesses to the abuse and I'm just perplexed that this woman hasn't be arrested and I think a restraining order is in order.
I gave the pt a nice long bath, shaved him, brushed his teeth and with his permission cut his hair. Did his nails. He slept like a baby after that and I told him that the wife wouldn't get past me again. I've been on the receiving end of abuse and I know no matter what age you are, it hurts your self esteem and makes you feel like crap.
Some days I really really hate my job. I know without a doubt that I couldn't do this everyday. And I wanted to do peds before I changed my major.
Edit: is it unexcusable or inexcusable? Either way you know what I mean.
The hospital's social servies are deeply involved and are taking over where adult protection services can't. It took them 5 days to return our phone calls. Unacceptable.
The way you describe him, he certainly sounds like he fits the definition of 'endangered adult'. If the APS didn't respond for 5 days, and then claims their 'hands are tied', perhaps someone at the state level needs to be notified as well.
Bless you, Beth! It is so nice to see someone standing up for the patient, especially in this situation. It's also good to see that his daughters are going to take him home and give him care when the time comes. Wife needs to be locked up somewhere... jail or a psych unit for her abuse. I still don't get how you can love someone, be married for a long time, and then treat them worse than pond scum. I hope that if I find myself in a situation like this, I can make a difference.
Well, she showed up today - and threatened my life. I told her she was free to kill me but she wasn't going near the pt (per pt request who is a&o x3). I want to protect the pt's privacy, but he kept saying to me "I'm going to pay for this when I get home". Cops were called and talked to the pt and wife. Adult Protective Services are involved but state that "their hands are tied". Huh?? Exactly what is it that they can't do?
#1) This is the problem I have taking action/becoming involved in abuse cases. It isn't because I don't care or don't want to be bothered. Yes, we take care of the problem short-term, but often we stir the mess and make it stink worse. No, we can't and shouldn't put up with blatant abuse that is done right under our noses, but we have to realize that this can and does make the situation worse later when the patient leaves and returns to the home.
#2) APS is not the band of guardian angels people seem to think it is. I'll bet anything this couple either has no property or assets or they have been transferred a long time ago. I've seen first hand how they handle abuse cases when money and assets are involved and how they handle it when the individual is in the projects. I have seen this many times over. The APS is there to protect government interest where Medicaid is involved. What makes me angry is that APS advertises under the guise of being there to "protect" the elder. I will say this, if an elder is "protected" as a result of anything APS is done, it is only a secondary effect.
#3) That old woman sounds as though she may be suffering some mental illness, especially threatening your life. It sounds like she is a candidate to become a ward of the state. If anything she sounds she should be a patient herself.
#4) What do those "nice"daughters have to say? They don't share some of the responsibility for any of this?
No doubt he will catch it even worse when he gets home and this crazy old bat takes out her rage on him. What else can a person do?
Does your hospital have a social worker? In the past, in HH I've been able to go to the social worker with complaints and she has been able to interviene with APS with good results.
Beyond that, I too would contact the police telling them that this woman threatened your life. If for nothing else, written proof that this is a violent woman and may at a later time help the patient.
You're awesome Bethy. Sorry you're having to deal with this.(((((((Bethin)))))))
Dutch, I went to the police Monday with my statement. She has not attempted to contact the hospital, staff, or the pt again so I take that as a good sign.
Social work is involved, very much so. I know that this man is most likely scarred for the rest of his life and will live with that fear. I wish I could make it all go away.
Dutch, I went to the police Monday with my statement. She has not attempted to contact the hospital, staff, or the pt again so I take that as a good sign.
Social work is involved, very much so. I know that this man is most likely scarred for the rest of his life and will live with that fear. I wish I could make it all go away.
I'm sorry if I missed the above info in one of your posts. I can't stand it when posters don't read carefully. My only defense is that I'm a dizzy broad this morning. My left ear is so messed up.
Poor poor man. I can't imagine what you've been through but you are so awesome for standing up for him and for yourself. I know that doesn't qualm your worry. (((((((Bethy)))))))
the nurse(s) that were mad at you should be ashamed of themselves- you did what that nurse should have done! thank you. (we don't need nurses like that working- i am willing to bet they are lazy in other areas of work also...).
i would venture to say that these nurses were upset not because the op is an aide; but because she'd opened herself up (as well as the facility) to a law suit by the patient's abusive spouse.
i can just see it....the abusive spouse causes the whole situation but sues the facility because the aide is not trained in security & may be charge with assault & battery cause they dared touched the abusive spouse. the nurses on duty would get involved in a legal dispute...possibly having to testify. no nurse wants to get involved in such matters....especially if their license come into question if they had any prior knowledge that this aide would do such a thing. i'm not disputing the aide was unjust in her actions, but maybe next time, report any such incidents to the nurse on duty & call security stat!
Cops were called and talked to the pt and wife. Adult Protective Services are involved but state that "their hands are tied". Huh?? Exactly what is it that they can't do? 
My only defense is that I'm a dizzy broad this morning. My left ear is so messed up. 
EmmaG, RN
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