Ummm....aren't we grown ups now? UGH.

**RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN** · Oct 7, 2005

In A&P lab I sit across from a guy who has some "social roadblocks" if you will. He's a nice enough guy, friendly, smart. But a little different.
So the past few labs I've noticed that the other people at our lab table spend a good deal of lab time talking and laughing about this guy.
This really gets to me. Its distracting for one thing.
For another I have to bite my tongue the entire time.
I have ZERO tolerance for bully and bully behavior. I have a facial birth defect and lived in hell during my elem & high school years (and still really struggle with it), I would have thought this kind of thing stops once a person matures, but obviously not.
I admit, this guy can be somwhat annoying....things like he sings or hums to himself while doing microscope work, he has a "different" look as far as clothes and hair..wears those thick rimmed "drew carey" style glasses.
He talks alot. He mostly keeps to himself.
But sheesh....he's a human being and has feelings like the rest of us.
I don't know if I'll be able to bite my tongue the rest of the semester.
I know I'm sensitive to this type of situation, does anyone have any advice on how to best deal with this? I'll be really mad if / when this guy notices these other students behavior (1 guy about 28, a girl about 26 & another girl about 22) I've worked in hospitals before so I know how much of this stuff goes on and I think its really disgusting. Don't we all have more important things to do and to think about? I thought people outgrew this type of immature behavior!
I saw an ad for a new book called "Mean Girls Grow Up" maybe I should go buy it. I really speaks alot of a person who acts like this once they are an adult.

I would have the same problem. I was bullied and brutally beat during the elementry and HS years for being obese. It would be kind of hard to bite my tongue too.

My advice......please get it off your chest. Simply and kindly pull them aside and have a few words with them. Hopefully they will take shame at their actions and slap themselves on the hand.

I don't care what the guy does/look like, and although he "may" not listen to their rude comments.....it is obviously having some negative impact on you. You should be able to get an education in that class without anyone directly or indirectly interfering with it.

This is what I would do.

Best wishes to you.

Jess

kayel · Oct 7, 2005

I saw an ad for a new book called "Mean Girls Grow Up" maybe I should go buy it. I really speaks alot of a person who acts like this once they are an adult.

LOL yeah and just accidentally leave it on their lab desk! Heh, they likely wouldn't get it. It might be a good read, though, and give you some ideas on how to deal with it.

Yeah, unfortunately some people do not seem to grow out of it. It is not easy to observe and it's a challenge to know how to help. If there are any ways you can include him, then I'd do it. Do you talk to these other people and do you all have to work together a lot? Do you sit in the same place every time?

LydiaNN · Oct 7, 2005

I'm not sure why you think you have to hold your tongue. Why not just tell your classmates that you find their behavior juvenile and cruel, and that they had better get used to the idea of diversity if they really want to be nurses. This sort of behavior has no place among society, and it would be better if all of us who find it repulsive said so.

Fun2, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2005

I can't believe they are already in their 20's and acting like this. I could understand it coming from an 17-19 year old. (not agree with, but maturity hasn't set in yet for the most part.)

I was born with a cleft lip & palate, and I don't put up with this behavior. If anything, I would politely go over there and tell them that their behavior is offending you & that if they are that immature to make fun of people, then please keep it to themselves & out of the classroom.

You can only stand so much negativity, then it really starts to eat at you!

ALSO: Are they going into nursing? Don't they know they will have to deal with all types of patients? What are they going to do, make fun of their patients? ugggh

chris_at_lucas_RN, RN · Oct 7, 2005

Definitely don't hold your tongue!

As a frequent advocate for the underdog (still quite a Girl Scout here), I've come across that sort of bad behavior a lot in my life. Likely, so has your classmate.

A simple solution might be to sing out "we can hear you!" when they start up.

Or, if you aren't quite that brave, you might bring it to the attention of your instructor, since it is inappropriate behavior, it is distracting you from your work, and your instructor truly is responsible for conduct in the lab.

Good for you to have such empathy! You'll make a terrific nurse.

Micci · Oct 7, 2005

I admit, this guy can be somwhat annoying....things like he sings or hums to himself while doing microscope work, he has a "different" look as far as clothes and hair..wears those thick rimmed "drew carey" style glasses.
He talks alot. He mostly keeps to himself.
But sheesh....he's a human being and has feelings like the rest of us.
I don't know if I'll be able to bite my tongue the rest of the semester.
I know I'm sensitive to this type of situation, does anyone have any advice on how to best deal with this?

Is he by chance autistic or aspergers?

Anyway, that would burn me up too. :angryfire I also spent my elementary and jr. high years in hell, being picked on because I wore glasses and was shy. The more I got picked on, the more shy I got due to blows to my self-esteem. I also have a daughter who is autistic, so I am really sensitive about this kind of stuff. I can't even stand when someone jokingly calls another normally functioning person "retard" in jest.

Most people in A&P classes are planning on entering the medical field where the majority of the people they are going to see, are going to be in their presence due to some kind of health issue- many of which are sensitive or embarrassing. I don't think it is too early for these students to be introduced to a clue-by-four. I'd definately approach them and say something- I don't know what and in what manner- depends on where I am at in my menstrual cycle. LOL!

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Oct 7, 2005

Considering i was ugly, wearing SA clopthes, and My mom's b/f pounded the crap out of us both, all of which i was laughed at for, i'd have a hard time biting my tongue.

My approach would probably be to find that book online, print out an invoice to it, and hand it to the people that laugh, saying "Look! At amazon.com you can buy this book for 20% off!".

casi, ASN, RN · Oct 8, 2005

I defiantely wouldn't hold my tongue, and I would pray that these people don't pass A&P we definately don't need people like them going into health care.

Whats wrong with humming when doing scope work? I've picked up a bad habit of taking to the things I'm looking at, espcially in basic bio when we looked at pond water.

lisamc1RN, LPN · Oct 8, 2005

This is what I was thinking, too. He might be Aspergers or autistic. My son has Aspergers and it sounds a lot like him. There are children who snicker at him behind his back and sometimes to his face. How sad that some people never grow up. I definitely would say something, as respectfully as you can of course. It is totally inappropriate and not the qualities that we need to have as nurses. We will deal with many people who are different from us during our careers. Someone needs to point that out to them. And BRAVO to this man for pursuing nursing! I hope he sticks with it and makes an excellent nurse!

Is he by chance autistic or aspergers?
Anyway, that would burn me up too. :angryfire I also spent my elementary and jr. high years in hell, being picked on because I wore glasses and was shy. The more I got picked on, the more shy I got due to blows to my self-esteem. I also have a daughter who is autistic, so I am really sensitive about this kind of stuff. I can't even stand when someone jokingly calls another normally functioning person "retard" in jest.
Most people in A&P classes are planning on entering the medical field where the majority of the people they are going to see, are going to be in their presence due to some kind of health issue- many of which are sensitive or embarrassing. I don't think it is too early for these students to be introduced to a clue-by-four. I'd definately approach them and say something- I don't know what and in what manner- depends on where I am at in my menstrual cycle. LOL!

RedSox33RN · Oct 9, 2005

It's truly pathetic that these people want to go into a profession where everyone needs and deserves to be treated without prejudice, will be treating strangers with much worse problems or deformities than this young man has, yet can't accept a classmates and his differences.

I'd be first in line to tell them how disappointing their behavior is, and hope that they might someday be on the receiving end of this childish behavior, so they can experience the hurt they are inflicting on him.

I've reminded my kids since they were little, that we are all someone's child, mother, father, brother, sister or friend, and while we don't have to like everyone we come in contact with, we never, ever don't like them due to appearances. I'm happy to say that it sunk in. Too bad those classmates of yours did not get the same upbringing, or never took it to heart.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Oct 9, 2005

Don't bite your tongue and sit in judgement of others. Speak up if it's unjust, or even anoying. Silent bystanders while others bully are guilty to an extent too.

edited: wow on the internet that post looks a bit harsh and I don't mean it to be. But as a bullied person you yourself said you have zero tolerance, and that shouldn't include biting your tongue. I've alienated myself from groups for befriending and speaking up for bullied individuals myself, as I am a recovered bullied child too. Anyway, hope I didn't sound too self-righteous above. Good luck.