Triage complaints- the good, the bad, and the shocking.

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"I was raped by an octopus."

"I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.)

Discuss.

Specializes in retired LTC.
I had a mother come in with her daughter to the ER so we could take her earrings off.

No skin growth over the closures, nothing medical - she just couldn't take them out.

Need I ask - where do they mail the bill?
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Specializes in Periop, ER.

"my right leg is weak, I have blurry vision in my left eye, and I feel like my kidney is hanging out of my lady parts"

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"my right leg is weak I have blurry vision in my left eye, and I feel like my kidney is hanging out of my lady parts"[/quote']

Psych consult!

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Specializes in Medsurg/ICU, Mental Health, Home Health.
"my right leg is weak, I have blurry vision in my left eye, and I feel like my kidney is hanging out of my lady parts"

I feel like that every day of my life! Good to know I'm not the only one!

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Specializes in Oncology.

Funny, scary, and shocking stories here. Thanks for sharing!

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses.com

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Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
I have a motto ---- "Stupid people shouldn't breed".

After over a decade in Labor & Delivery, I'll go you one better. I'm convinced that fertility and intelligence are inversely proportional.

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Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
"my right leg is weak, I have blurry vision in my left eye, and I feel like my kidney is hanging out of my lady parts"

Hee hee! Several years ago we had a laboring patient come in who "didn't know" she was pregnant. When asked how she'd interpreted all the fetal movement, she said she thought that her "kidneys were shifting around." If I thought my kidneys were doing that, THAT in itself would get me to the doctor! They're organs, not Mexican jumping beans!

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Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.

Both my partner and our doctor last night had a good chuckle when a patient popped up on our tracker and her complaint was "moose antlers fell on my head"

She was at her cousins house, who happens to be a hunter, and a pair of antlers that he had mounted on his wall fell down on to her head. She got two sutures. Lol. Welcome to Canada.

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Had this one Saturday night:

Me: Sir what brings you in tonight?

Pt: My throat hurts.

Me: How long has your throat been hurting?

Pt: Since earlier tonight

Me: Rate your pain on a scale from 1/10, with 10 being the worst pain you've ever experienced in your entire life.

Pt: (yelling) it's a 10!

Me: *gives patient THAT look*

Pt: See, what had happened was I had this incident with this girl tonight, and we were doing something....can you just get the doctor in here?

Me: Sure, he'll be right in after he's done saving someone's life. *walks out*

Story he told the doctor was he was giving oral sex to this girl and think he may have "swallowed" something and it feels like it's stuck in his throat and he was scared it would cause him to stop breathing and then he didn't want to open his mouth because he thought he had bad breath from the incident.

You can't make this stuff up!

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Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.
"Midgets are fighting in my crotch."

Do you know where those midgets are now? Sounds like a great bit of revenge on hand -- like for the repairman who absolutely insists on calling me Honey and Sweetie instead of my first name, despite repeated requests.:yes:

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Specializes in RN.
Had this one Saturday night:

Me: Sir what brings you in tonight?

Pt: My throat hurts.

Me: How long has your throat been hurting?

Pt: Since earlier tonight

Me: Rate your pain on a scale from 1/10, with 10 being the worst pain you've ever experienced in your entire life.

Pt: (yelling) it's a 10!

Me: *gives patient THAT look*

Pt: See, what had happened was I had this incident with this girl tonight, and we were doing something....can you just get the doctor in here?

Me: Sure, he'll be right in after he's done saving someone's life. *walks out*

Story he told the doctor was he was giving oral sex to this girl and think he may have "swallowed" something and it feels like it's stuck in his throat and he was scared it would cause him to stop breathing and then he didn't want to open his mouth because he thought he had bad breath from the incident.

You can't make this stuff up!

Awesome!!!!!!

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Specializes in ER.

Thirty minutes of leg pain, "and how long is the wait?" "If I don't get in soon, I'm just gonna go home." Well, there's a thought....:rolleyes

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