Specialties Emergency
Published Jan 6, 2013
"I was raped by an octopus."
"I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.)
Discuss.
R!XTER
167 Posts
24 y/o female, "i'm nauseous and hungry". Umm ok, please pee in this cup.
I wish instead we could say "go down the block to CVS and pee on a stick!"
brillohead, ADN, RN
1,781 Posts
Heck, the dollar stores in my area carry them!
Yesterday - Pt: I have chest pain.
Me: Ok, come sit over here to wait for your EKG.
Pt: Man, I just can't stop using Cocaine! I've been using it for 3 days straight now! I just won a $150,000 settlement and all I can do is buy Cocaine and call girls. Man, I need help.
shoegalRN, RN
1,338 Posts
Had this one tonight:
Report from EMS:
-Pt reports he is having a stroke. Pt combative, vital signs stable.
Me:
-What's the GCS and bed assignment upon arrival.
Pt arrives to ED, gets a bed, pt yelling, "I told you dumb muthaXXXXas I was having a damn stroke!" Obvious facial droop, slurred speech noted. Pt's blood pressure upon arrival 200's over 100's.
Pt off to CT and sure enough, he was stroking out! Hemorrhagic in nature.
Pt then tells me:
-"I knew I shouldnt smoked that cocaine tonight. I've never been through anything like this before and I've been smoking crack for 30 years. I swear I'm gonna change my life around."
-Me
*just gives a look*
CrunchRN, ADN, RN
4,533 Posts
Yesterday - Pt: I have chest pain.Me: Ok, come sit over here to wait for your EKG.Pt: Man, I just can't stop using Cocaine! I've been using it for 3 days straight now! I just won a $150,000 settlement and all I can do is buy Cocaine and call girls. Man, I need help.
You have to appreciate the honesty!
Yesterday- 19 year old girl brought in by ambulance for pelvic cramping. Onset last night. Incidentally, LMP also started last night.
Me- "did you take anything for the pain?"
Her- "yes I took Motrin. It helped but then when I woke up the pain was back so that's when I knew I had to call 911"
She was discharged about 3 seconds after the attending saw her with a diagnosis of "menstrual cramps". Of course she asked to speak to the social worker on the way out. (That's how my wonderful hospital provides transportation for people to get home. Either bus fare or cab fare if they are unable to take a bus)
ChuckeRN, BSN, RN
198 Posts
A 14 yo girl brought in by ambulance from the next city's small clinic*. Complaint: "lost her tampon". Turns out she forgot she had a tampon in her for 3 weeks. The ER doc removed it and he had a look on his face when he got out of that room.
*I work in a small Indian Reservation ER where we are the only hospital for 80 miles around. Though we are technically only a Level 3 Trauma Center, we get everything.
Errn22
30 Posts
20-something female with c/o tampon stuck in lady parts xfew hours and unable to find the string. She got tired of waiting so she had her boyfriend pull it out and then signed out AMA.
50-something overweight female with poor hygiene with c/o "I'm hemorrhaging from my left breast". I asked pt if I could see what she was talking about. She proceeded to lift up her shirt, lift up her bra, and remove a baby diaper from her breast area. Immediately after, her breast became a fountain of malodorous purulent discharge, creating a perfect arc and landing all over the floor of my triage room. I could not triage in the room for the rest of the day because no matter how much we cleaned it, it still smelled horrible.
30-something female with c/o chest pain. After taking pt to a bed, we had her change into a gown and proceeded with an EKG. Upon lifting her large left breast, a half sandwich was found. Pt's response? "Oh there it is! My boyfriend and I were playing 'hide the sandwich' last night."
Wow, just wow.
turnforthenurse, MSN, NP
3,364 Posts
:barf:
30-something female with c/o chest pain. After taking pt to a bed, we had her change into a gown and proceeded with an EKG. Upon lifting her large left breast, a half sandwich was found. Pt's response? "Oh there it is! My boyfriend and I were playing 'hide the sandwich' last night."Wow, just wow.
It amazes me how you don't know that half of a sandwich is underneath your breast....
SweetMelissaRN
135 Posts
Bahahahahahaha!!! "Hide the sandwich"... That's epically hilarious!!!!!
She got tired of waiting so she had her boyfriend pull it out and then signed out AMA.**wondering about the logistics of that**"Oh there it is! My boyfriend and I were playing 'hide the sandwich' last night."
**wondering about the logistics of that**
"Oh there it is! My boyfriend and I were playing 'hide the sandwich' last night."
Hahahah!! How does a game like that even get invented??? And also - how do all the oddest people have significant others???
monkeybug
716 Posts
After all these years as a nurse, I've decided that there really is a lid for every pot. Some of these lids obviously are lacking a sense of smell and/or self respect, but there you are.