Triage complaints- the good, the bad, and the shocking.

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"I was raped by an octopus."

"I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.)

Discuss.

Specializes in Emergency Room.

24 y/o female, "i'm nauseous and hungry". Umm ok, please pee in this cup.

I wish instead we could say "go down the block to CVS and pee on a stick!"

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Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
I wish instead we could say "go down the block to CVS and pee on a stick!"

Heck, the dollar stores in my area carry them!

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

Yesterday - Pt: I have chest pain.

Me: Ok, come sit over here to wait for your EKG.

Pt: Man, I just can't stop using Cocaine! I've been using it for 3 days straight now! I just won a $150,000 settlement and all I can do is buy Cocaine and call girls. Man, I need help.

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Had this one tonight:

Report from EMS:

-Pt reports he is having a stroke. Pt combative, vital signs stable.

Me:

-What's the GCS and bed assignment upon arrival.

Pt arrives to ED, gets a bed, pt yelling, "I told you dumb muthaXXXXas I was having a damn stroke!" Obvious facial droop, slurred speech noted. Pt's blood pressure upon arrival 200's over 100's.

Pt off to CT and sure enough, he was stroking out! Hemorrhagic in nature.

Pt then tells me:

-"I knew I shouldnt smoked that cocaine tonight. I've never been through anything like this before and I've been smoking crack for 30 years. I swear I'm gonna change my life around."

-Me

*just gives a look*

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Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.
Yesterday - Pt: I have chest pain.

Me: Ok, come sit over here to wait for your EKG.

Pt: Man, I just can't stop using Cocaine! I've been using it for 3 days straight now! I just won a $150,000 settlement and all I can do is buy Cocaine and call girls. Man, I need help.

You have to appreciate the honesty!:roflmao:

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

Yesterday- 19 year old girl brought in by ambulance for pelvic cramping. Onset last night. Incidentally, LMP also started last night.

Me- "did you take anything for the pain?"

Her- "yes I took Motrin. It helped but then when I woke up the pain was back so that's when I knew I had to call 911"

She was discharged about 3 seconds after the attending saw her with a diagnosis of "menstrual cramps". Of course she asked to speak to the social worker on the way out. (That's how my wonderful hospital provides transportation for people to get home. Either bus fare or cab fare if they are unable to take a bus)

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Specializes in Emergency Department.

A 14 yo girl brought in by ambulance from the next city's small clinic*. Complaint: "lost her tampon". Turns out she forgot she had a tampon in her for 3 weeks. The ER doc removed it and he had a look on his face when he got out of that room.

*I work in a small Indian Reservation ER where we are the only hospital for 80 miles around. Though we are technically only a Level 3 Trauma Center, we get everything.

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Specializes in ED.

20-something female with c/o tampon stuck in lady parts xfew hours and unable to find the string. She got tired of waiting so she had her boyfriend pull it out and then signed out AMA.

50-something overweight female with poor hygiene with c/o "I'm hemorrhaging from my left breast". I asked pt if I could see what she was talking about. She proceeded to lift up her shirt, lift up her bra, and remove a baby diaper from her breast area. Immediately after, her breast became a fountain of malodorous purulent discharge, creating a perfect arc and landing all over the floor of my triage room. I could not triage in the room for the rest of the day because no matter how much we cleaned it, it still smelled horrible.

30-something female with c/o chest pain. After taking pt to a bed, we had her change into a gown and proceeded with an EKG. Upon lifting her large left breast, a half sandwich was found. Pt's response? "Oh there it is! My boyfriend and I were playing 'hide the sandwich' last night."

Wow, just wow.

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Specializes in ER, progressive care.
50-something overweight female with poor hygiene with c/o "I'm hemorrhaging from my left breast". I asked pt if I could see what she was talking about. She proceeded to lift up her shirt, lift up her bra, and remove a baby diaper from her breast area. Immediately after, her breast became a fountain of malodorous purulent discharge, creating a perfect arc and landing all over the floor of my triage room. I could not triage in the room for the rest of the day because no matter how much we cleaned it, it still smelled horrible.

:barf02: :barf:

30-something female with c/o chest pain. After taking pt to a bed, we had her change into a gown and proceeded with an EKG. Upon lifting her large left breast, a half sandwich was found. Pt's response? "Oh there it is! My boyfriend and I were playing 'hide the sandwich' last night."

Wow, just wow.

It amazes me how you don't know that half of a sandwich is underneath your breast....:wideyed:

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Bahahahahahaha!!! "Hide the sandwich"... That's epically hilarious!!!!!

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Specializes in Emergency Room.
She got tired of waiting so she had her boyfriend pull it out and then signed out AMA.

**wondering about the logistics of that**

"Oh there it is! My boyfriend and I were playing 'hide the sandwich' last night."

Hahahah!! How does a game like that even get invented??? And also - how do all the oddest people have significant others???

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Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
Hahahah!! How does a game like that even get invented??? And also - how do all the oddest people have significant others???

After all these years as a nurse, I've decided that there really is a lid for every pot. Some of these lids obviously are lacking a sense of smell and/or self respect, but there you are.

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