Triage complaints- the good, the bad, and the shocking.

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"I was raped by an octopus."

"I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.)

Discuss.

Specializes in Emergency Room.

"A horse kicked me in my chest and I'm worried that it damaged my breast implant"

Patient went on to refuse chest X-ray because she didn't have insurance.

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We have an older gentleman who comes in evrry couple of months with chunk of beef stuck in his throat. Moves air just fine. GI doc does bedside scope (not my favorite procedure), pulls out the obstruction and then after the pt is fully recovered, he gets the "chew your food" lecture from everybody. Hasn't sunk in yet.

I have the pre-story to this guy.

We had a guy come into my SNF at midnight. Wanted to pay his wife's bill. In cash. Because he was headed to the ER. Because he'd had a hot dog stuck in his esophagus for three days.

We told him he had to come back when our business office was open, and promised we wouldn't kick his wife out before then.

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Specializes in RN.

Mother comes to ER with 12y/o with c/o DIB...hx of asthma, no objective s/s of DIB, slight wheezing....

Lobby security tells me the pt and Mother came RUNNING across the parking lot!

Me:"what?"...."we'll running fast is still the best treatment..."

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Specializes in ER/ICU, CCL, EP.

My favorites are always the 17-25 year olds that show up for lady partsl bleeding precisely 28 days after their LMP. BY AMBULANCE.

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

Today: shortness of breath on and off for 80 years since I was 9.

Definitely the longest duration of symptoms I've ever heard.

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Today: shortness of breath on and off for 80 years since I was 9.

Definitely the longest duration of symptoms I've ever heard.

Hahahaha, that's awesome.... And after 80yrs it became an emergency right then!

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Specializes in Nasty sammiches and Dilaudid.

Seeing "walking quadriplegia" as a direct quote from the pt. in triage had us all scratching our heads...

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Specializes in Emergency Room, Trauma ICU.

Pre-constipation.... Hadn't pooped in 3 days.

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

Hahahaha, that's awesome.... And after 80yrs it became an emergency right then!

It was actually a pretty legit CHF exacerbation but the pt clearly didn't have a good grasp on his medical history. He told the doc he'd been having SOB on and off since since he's 9 "it goes away for a few years but it always comes back!" So the doc asks if he's asthmatic so he responds "well yeah, isn't that what shortness of breath is?!"

I wish I has more time to educate my patients.

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Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
My favorites are always the 17-25 year olds that show up for lady partsl bleeding precisely 28 days after their LMP. BY AMBULANCE.

I'll never forget the labor triage with a c/o bleeding that wasn't actually even pregnant. "But what do I do about this bleeding?!?!" "Umm, Tampax?"

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We had a guy come in one night that was having some swelling in his testicles. Okay, fair enough. He pulls his pants down and his boys are indeed swollen, but he turns around and there is a massive area on his butt that is swollen and red, with some horribly smelly drainage. We ask his what happened, and he said, "Oh that? That's where my friend branded me with a steel pipe last week. Does it look bad?" :facepalm: Apparently he doesn't mind if half his ass rots off, but the boys start swelling and then maybe we'll look into seeing a doctor.

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Specializes in Emergency.

51 y/o male, cc "the veins in my feet are pulsating." umm ok.... Hx of anxiety.

24 y/o female, "i'm nauseous and hungry". Umm ok, please pee in this cup.

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