Triage complaints- the good, the bad, and the shocking.

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"I was raped by an octopus."

"I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.)

Discuss.

Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.
Well if she was having pain down her leg, what WAS causing it?[/quote']

She revealed that she was six weeks post partum, so likely joint pain from everything shifting around during pregnancy.

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She revealed that she was six weeks post partum, so likely joint pain from everything shifting around during pregnancy.

Ah! then it may well have been her SI joint...

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Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.

Ah! then it may well have been her SI joint...

She was a very skinny little thing. I know that with my huge bum, there's no way you'll see a bump where mine is. Lol. I found it interesting that you could palpate the joint to be the same size on both side, but she was fixated on the one side and determined that it was a cyst. Oh well.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.
I had a young girl come in looking frantic she comes running up the desk and says "excuse me! I'm having an emergency! I think it's an ingrown hair!!"

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Specializes in Emergency.
I have always been amazed by how many people are "bitten by spiders" and never see the arachnid ...

Yeah, that invisible spider sure does get around.

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Specializes in Emergency, Haematology/Oncology.
Snort! I had a similar complaint from an old gentleman with "turrrible lady parts" who took "TNT" for the pain (somewhere he confused medical nitrogycerin with the "blow stuff up" kind!)

SO. FUNNY.

Is it wrong but my immediate thought here was.... Hmmm how great would it be if some of our patients tried taking TNT for their trivial complaints prior to coming to Emergency.....

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Specializes in Emergency, Telemetry, Transplant.
I have always been amazed by how many people are "bitten by spiders" and never see the arachnid. I always laugh when I see that complaint and go ahead and get the I&D kit...

I had a patient once who gave me this elaborate story about how their is a brown recluse in the port-a-potty at his work and that must have been what bit him. As he comes out of the room, doc says "yeah, he's got shingles."

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Specializes in Emergency, Haematology/Oncology.

Me: "Hi there, what brings you to Emergency this evening?".

Pt: (17 yold male) "I must talk with doctor" (english is pt's second language).

Me: "What's been happening mate?".

Pt: "When I wake up, there is wet" (gesturing downstairs).

Me: "So you have passed urine in your sleep?".

Pt: "No, it is other kind of wet".

Me: (now we're getting somewhere) "Oh, ok, how often is this happening?".

Pt: "Too much, too much, at least 3 times a week".

Me: "Do you have a girlfriend?".

Pt: "No".

Me: "Do you masturbate?".

Pt: "No".

Me: "It's perfectly normal darling, I can give you some pamphlets to talk to someone in a sexual health clinic".

Pt: "No I must see a doctor tonight".

TRIAGE: "Too many wet dreams".

Last night..... "I don't like my community funded accommodation" (somehow, a tertiary hospital is responsible for this at 2230hrs) via ambulance of course- Sometimes I would prefer more ideal accommodation too buddy.... seriously.

A recent favourite from a fairly jaded RN, "Subjective Palpitations"

Frequent flier "C/O Shortness of Breath, speaking in LONG, full sentences".

"I'm seeing WAY too many vampires tonight"... Just tonight?

"Snakebite to abdomen" How the hell did that happen?

"Suicidal Ideation post being advised no beds available in rehab". A common occurrence.

The invisible spider often strikes at my facility, the invisible snake too.... weird.

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Specializes in ER, Addictions, Geriatrics.

It was psych night this evening in my ED.

Teenage girl at prom, gets wasted, doesn't win prom queen, threatens suicide and then fights with the police that try to bring her in.

Another guy came in by EMS because he "smoked pot from a new dealer" and thought that he had tentacles growing out of his arms. He called a telecare nurse and they advised him to go to a hospital. So he called 911. Lol.

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Specializes in Neonatal Nurse Practitioner.

Parent brings in 5yo who is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with the lights on.

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Specializes in Peri-operative, M/S, ER, SCU.
Parent brings in 5yo who is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with the lights on.

O.o You're kidding me.....

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Specializes in Emergency.
Parent brings in 5yo who is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with the lights on.

You win.

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