Torn between continuing my education and my family :(

MattyV · Mar 14, 2011

Hi. I am a husband, and in my LPN program. Finances are becoming a hurdle, but I have to put faith above fear. There is no shame in putting things on hold while you pray/consider your options. If your marriage is strained, maybe you should pull back a bit. It sounds like your mom and new child in the house really need you right now, and YES by all means your LPN future is secure! Two words: BABY BOOMERS. :)

I plan to get my PhD, but at a steady pace. I have learned that the only way to get rid of some of the stress is to stop being in a hurry to get the initials after my name. I am 34 years old, and a year from my LPN - and thats ok right now.

Your post is moving and you will be in my prayers for sure. I :yeah:you for your efforts, sacrifice and concern. As for your marriage, my advice as a minister is for you two to take a weekend and get away, reset, and refocus. Then come back and set some goals together.

Blessings and best of everything to you!

Wanna_BA_Nurse · Mar 14, 2011

If having the letters RN after your name is a dream for you then go for it (eventually)!

From what you've described it doesn't sound like your environment is stable enough for you to continue your education. Going to school right now may further strain your already-strained marriage. You mentioned that taking care of your kids is a concern - thats all well and good but plenty of LPNs have struck the balance between family and school (and some even managed to work!).

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is go for it once your marriage is stable. Your eldest can find the time to help you out with the other kids I'm sure, but having the kids to worry about, your marriage, work AND school may be a bit much to chew at once. But this is assuming that your strain is really a strain and not the occasional rough patch. Thats my two cents. Take it with a grain of salt because in the end the decision is yours. God Bless!

hope3456, ASN, RN · Mar 14, 2011

Dont jeopardize your wellbeing and that of your family for a job that very well may suck the life out of you and give you absolutely no thanks in the end. You say you have a 'good job' doing rehab - you might want to hold on to that. Right now there is no guarantee that getting your RN will do that much more for you anyway.

I am a RN and also struggling with work/family balance and am beginning to wonder if it is worth it.

kristieRNsn2bFNP · Mar 14, 2011

your dreams are always worth the effort...however only you can make the decision if its worth your marriage.

sit back, take some time...talk to your spouse about your fears, he may be having the same ones but be scared to approach you with them

in the end, you will get your RN...you want it too bad...just dont want it at all costs hun....the RN will still be there after a divorce, but the hubby may not be there after the RN

*sending the good karma fairies your way* :)

itsmejuli · Mar 14, 2011

Throughout my life I've always put family first. I've always believed that family is far more important than any career or job. I have no regrets about sacrificing my schooling and career goals for my family.

I started school once my youngest was in high school.

missmun52 · Mar 14, 2011

I have to echo the words already spoken here. Your going through a difficult time right now and as you know nursing school is a lot of stress and many sacrifices need to be made. I would not put that in the equation right now; especially when it could affect your marriage.

For me, family comes first always. When I better myself I do it not just for me but also for my family, I would not do it at the cost of them because in the end whats having everything when there is no one there to share in the joy of having it.

LACA, BSN, LPN, RN · Mar 14, 2011

i feel your pain and i'm sorry for the struggle you are having in trying to decide what's best for you and keeping your family in mind at the same time. :redbeathe

i graduated my lpn program in june of 2005 and got married in july of 05. it was always somewhat assumed, by others and myself, that i would eventually get my rn. right after we were married, my husband enrolled in a 4 year university and we moved to a town an hour away from where we had both been born and raised. we stayed for 8 months before returning home for reasons that may or may not have been ideal. the timing then just didn't seem right for me to go back to school so i continued working as an lpn (thank goodness, i've never had trouble finding employment opportunities....). i twice considered seriously going back to school, and within a month of beginning to research what i would need to do, i twice found out i was pregnant. in a span of 13 months, both of our sons passed away. after losing the boys, school kinda slipped my mind. i once again started thinking about getting my rn, and low and behold---i was pregnant with my little girl! (side note---crazy coincidence that every time i consider getting my rn i wind up pregnant...i'm not ready for another baby, so i'm not thinking about school for a while...too dangerous lol!! :lol2: ) after she was born, i was still working in an md office and got caught up with life and all it entails and let school slip my mind. after leaving the md office, i was hired into my current position as an elem. school nurse....which i love. my schedule (and the fact that my daughter is now 2...) would probably enable me to have an easier time returning to school and getting my rn online....except for the fact that lpns and rns are paid the same in my school district, and since i have no immediate plans to leave my current job, i see no reason to load myself down with even more things and tack on additional debt by returning to school at this time, to earn the same salary that i do now. my husband is back in school, and will graduate in may from two separate colleges with his degree in electrical construction management. it's been a long road for him and i'm so proud of all he has accomplished. both of us being in school at the same time, as well as working and raising our daughter, just isn't practical. since i graduated from a technical school, i would have to take all the pre-reqs before applying to nursing school and it just isn't realistic for me at this time....maybe sometime in the future i will consider going back to school for my rn, but at the moment, it's best for me and my family for me to stay where i'm at and continue to work.

now, i said all that to say this :uhoh3: ---i, also, am a firm believer that family comes first, however--that doesn't mean that you should let go of everything you've ever wanted. it just probably isn't the best time to go back to school. adding the stress of going to school on top of everything else isn't a good idea.it's a tough balance (especially for women, sometimes) to find a happy balance between making yourself satisfied and keeping your family in their best situation. do not let go of your dreams just to make everyone around you happy, just hang on to them and determine when the best time to go back to school is. they are your dreams and they are important, no matter what. if getting your rn is that big of a deal for you, you will be able to find a way to do it...your family (including hubby!) may have to make some changes/sacrifices, but in the long run it will be worth it. figure out what is best for you and them, and go for it!

Argo · Mar 14, 2011

Im a dude too, like the earlier poster. I went through nursing school while my son was still very young and graduated when he was 6. We had marital problems during school because I also worked full time too. There were plenty of family issue to deal with. Even when I was making 10/hr I would make sure we went on 3 or 4 vacations a year for at least a week. This helped alot. My goal was to be finished with my RN before he was old enough to remember me not being around too much because of it. Now he is 11 and our daughter is 18. Neither of them remember me going to school. They just know that I am a RN now and figured I was before too....

With all this being said. IF my son was 14 and I was just starting a full RN program I would hold off. IF I only had 1 year of a program I would do it for sure. The marriage part is the tough decision for you to make, I would push through it, it will stay together if you have a firm relationship. Just try to give him all the love you can when you are together. When you see him let him know you care and you are doing it for both of your futures, not just for your own dream. If you let him think it is for your own dream he is gonna wonder why he cant follow some of his dreams.... you dont wanna know what guys dream of, trust me.

OldNurseEducator · Mar 14, 2011

Throughout my life I've always put family first. I've always believed that family is far more important than any career or job. I have no regrets about sacrificing my schooling and career goals for my family.
I started school once my youngest was in high school.

Family 1st. Jobs, school....2nd. I especially wouldn't jeopardize my marriage for nursing. Good luck. :redpinkhe

Bobbkat · Mar 14, 2011

I apologize, I haven't read the other posts.

I can SO identify with you. I have been an RN for a year. I am married, relocated to another state (where we have 0 friends/family to help us out with childcare if needed), have a 3 year old, and now am 7 months pregnant with my second child. It was always my intention to return to school for my MSN after working as an RN for a year or so, but I ahve come to accept that this just isn't a good place in my life right now. I'm too busy, and to return to school right now would mean placing my family second in my life for the next few years. It's something I just can't do.

I feel your struggle. Further education is something I have been looking forward to and planning on for so long, that it's a tough pill to swallow that it just isn't going to happen right now. I hear about friends from work and school going back for MSN's, and I will admit I get a bit jealous. But then I think about ignoring my spouse, 3 year old, and new baby on the way, and KNOW that I am making the best choice by waiting a little longer. The way I see it, school will always be there, but my children will only be young once.

I know your situation is slightly different, with older children, but it all boils down to the same thing: sometimes you have to accept that too much is too much, and prioritize. Stick with your family commitments. When the time is right, a RN program will still be there for you.

stefanyjoy · Mar 14, 2011

Being a wife and mother is an important role in life, but it is not totally what defines you. If you feel that the role is preventing you from reaching your highest dream, then you will only grow to be resentful of your family.

First, you need to address your relationship issues. Without the proper support of your family, you will only find yourself coming apart at the seams, along with your marriage. Find a way to communicate with your husband and work on that 1st. Let him know your marriage is most important, your kids second, and your personal goals third. Your partnership is what makes your world go 'round. Make sure he understands this!

That being said, you must communicate and agree on when you can go back to school for the RN and how the responsibilities of kids/work/school cycle will be divded between you two. Like people here have said, EVERYONE in the family goes to nursing school. Do not let this dream fall by the wayside! If this is your dream, you musn't give up on it, especially when doing an LPN to RN program is such a reasonable conquest. You CAN have everything, OP! You just need a great support system and to tackle every obstacle one day at a time. Good luck to you!