Too much testosterone at work- frisky doctors

LydiaGreen · Dec 18, 2003

Wow, had no idea such behaviour was still possible in the work atmosphere of a hospital. I am still a student but I have never seen anything inappropriate such as this at the hospital where I have done placement for two and a half years. But then my father raised me very well> "warn them once and then punch them on the nose" I would never actually hit someone unless they laid their hands on me first but> this attitude is I guess carried and communicated through body language

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Dec 18, 2003

Originally posted by skybirdrising
Either you are a real hottie that any man finds irresistable or you may have that unconciously flirting thing going on giving men the impression that you are interested. Let your conversation be work related only and cut out the small talk with those pervs and 90% of this should be eliminated.

I am 39 years old.

I am a size 12-14, wear glasses, no makeup to work, double chinned single nurse, with three cats. I read on breaks, teach onco classes - I am nerdy geek girl personified.

I am also intelligent and well read, but definitely NO HOTTIE!!!!!!

I get routinely asked out or flirted with by residents, MDs, interns - married or not - most 5-10 years younger than me.

If I am not interested, I say "No" and that stops most in their tracks. Others can be fixed by threatening to notify their wife - I don't date marrieds ever - and say it like you mean business

I have been told by said young men that they find me intelligent, kind, mature and fascinating - something that has little to do with looks.

Do I consider it harassment???? If someone repeated the same tacky line (the ortho) or followed me around, YES!!!. But beyond that, it has never really bothered me.

nekhismom · Dec 18, 2003

quote:

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Originally posted by skybirdrising

Either you are a real hottie that any man finds irresistable or you may have that unconciously flirting thing going on giving men the impression that you are interested. Let your conversation be work related only and cut out the small talk with those pervs and 90% of this should be eliminated.

I find it COMPLETELY unbelievable that you are a nursing student! Are you a male? This kind of belief is what PERPETUATES sexual harassment and CONTINUES even in 2003 to DEMEAN women and nurses!!! Please, for the sake of all of your classmates, future co-workers, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, your PATIENTS, educate yourself on this kind of behavior and STOP IT!

LisaRN2B · Dec 18, 2003

Originally posted by nekhismom
quote:
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Originally posted by skybirdrising
Either you are a real hottie that any man finds irresistable or you may have that unconciously flirting thing going on giving men the impression that you are interested. Let your conversation be work related only and cut out the small talk with those pervs and 90% of this should be eliminated.

I find it COMPLETELY unbelievable that you are a nursing student! Are you a male? This kind of belief is what PERPETUATES sexual harassment and CONTINUES even in 2003 to DEMEAN women and nurses!!! Please, for the sake of all of your classmates, future co-workers, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, your PATIENTS, educate yourself on this kind of behavior and STOP IT!

Yes nekhismom, skybirdrising is a male. And probably a young male, would be my guess. Here's hoping that he will mature into a respectful and wonderful nurse.

Skybird...hey, maybe take a look at it from another perspective...what if this kind of stuff were happening to your mom? Would you think then that she might be giving off the wrong signals and causing someone make sexual overtures to her?

No really means no. Stop really means stop. People who continue to make lude suggestions, and such, have some very serious issues.

mattsmom81 · Dec 18, 2003

and we all know a few nurses who do what he describes..I work with several nurses who make it clear in obvious and more subtle ways that they are interested in an affair with a doctor. Trouble is they can make it hard for those who happen to be attractive but are NOT interested in this kind of relationship outside their marriage.

The old line with the nurse and doc in the broom closet is around for a reason...there's always a few around, unfortunately.

If the interest men show is not lewd, I always tended to take it as a compliment. Of course we need to make sure they get the message we are not interested. Refocusing the conversation to medical/patient issues works well.

Of course the bedbath comment regarding the OP is out of line...and I loved the comeback about the ice water...perfect!! We can accomplish a lot with humor and a 'look'.

As a middle aged nurse, I do I find it irritating when I see pretty young things reveling in the attention of a cluster of doctors, obviously flirting when patient issues need attention. After all...these doctors are only men aren't they...and female nurses need to be clear in their signals. JMHO.

We've come a long way baby...tho some in our midst do backslide.

mrsabradford · Dec 18, 2003

I know men can be jerks, but in their defense. I was sexually harassed by an old woman. While we were both passing one another she slapped me on my backside, without saying a word. I should've called the police instead of wasting my time telling my boss, female, who was also a homosexual.

I don't think I would've felt so bad if it were a man, but a WOMAN! YUCK!!!!!!!!! Also, if it were a man I would've had a big lawsuit!

By the way, I worked at the NYS Department of Health/AIDS Institute.

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 18, 2003

Originally posted by mattsmom81
and we all know a few nurses who do what he describes..I work with several nurses who make it clear in obvious and more subtle ways that they are interested in an affair with a doctor. Trouble is they can make it hard for those who happen to be attractive but are NOT interested in this kind of relationship outside their marriage.

The old line with the nurse and doc in the broom closet is around for a reason...there's always a few around, unfortunately.

If the interest men show is not lewd, I always tended to take it as a compliment. Of course we need to make sure they get the message we are not interested. Refocusing the conversation to medical/patient issues works well.

Of course the bedbath comment regarding the OP is out of line...and I loved the comeback about the ice water...perfect!! We can accomplish a lot with humor and a 'look'.

As a middle aged nurse, I do I find it irritating when I see pretty young things reveling in the attention of a cluster of doctors, obviously flirting when patient issues need attention. After all...these doctors are only men aren't they...and female nurses need to be clear in their signals. JMHO.

We've come a long way baby...tho some in our midst do backslide.

OH please!

did you read the OP?

this person has done NOTHING to warrant the unwanted attention of these doctors in this case. someone else correctly pointed out that "harassment" was in the eyes of the harassed. THE BEST ADVICE is to TELL THE PERSON who is offending her simply and clearly to STOP. No big production number needed. THIS sets limits clearly and usually does the trick without further action ever being needed.

Each of us has his/her comfort zone and no one has the right to breach it knowingly. Setting limits in a clear, unemotional way is the best first step. NOT blaming the harassed for looking "hot" or being a "pretty young thing".

I sometimes find it hard to believe we are in 2003 w/this thread really.

your "pretty young thing" example is not applicable here, even if it IS noted. skybirddancing needs to grow up a bit, I think. That was well-noted by a wise poster before me, as well.:zzzzz

mattsmom81 · Dec 18, 2003

Originally posted by SmilingBluEyes
OH please!

did you read the OP?

this person has done NOTHING to warrant the unwanted attention of these doctors in this case.

your "pretty young thing" example is not applicable here, even if it IS noted. skybirddancing needs to grow up a bit, I think. That was well-noted as well.:zzzzz

Yes I read the OP and believe I responded to it empathetically.

Sorry if several points of view expressed here do not always coincide with the blanket 'men are always to blame' viewpoint.

Responding to another poster's comments does not warrant a rolled eyes from you, IMHO. Why the hostility? Have I done something to offend you?

LisaRN2B · Dec 18, 2003

Originally posted by mattsmom81
Yes I read the OP and believe I responded to it empathetically.

Sorry if several points of view expressed here do not always coincide with the blanket 'men are always to blame' viewpoint.

Responding to another poster's comments does not warrant a rolled eyes from you, IMHO. Why the hostility? Have I done something to offend you?

I don't think anyone said that men are ALWAYS to blame.

Yes, at one time or another people do flirt, innocently or not...however, the OP was talking about something that goes beyond that. These men (so what if they are doctors) continue with innappropriate and suggestive comments and actions even after they have been told politely to stop.

These men are to blame, not all men, and not because they are men.

I am married. I have men flirt with me all the time. I say no. In the past I have been stalked by a man that I never flirted with, not even a little bit. Tell me, then, because I was born looking a certain way, did I get what I deserved, was it okay? I think not, and even if I HAD flirted back, overstepping boundaries was innappropriate to say the least.

We aren't talking flirting here, we are talking about two men in particular who need to chill out or face some consequences of stepping over the line.

Geeg · Dec 18, 2003

I can't believe you are wasting any time worrying about that doc's loneliness and possible depression. Nurses need to stop feeling responsible for the whole world and lavish some much needed attention on themselves.

Geeg · Dec 18, 2003

I always like a snappy retort like: "I regret to inform you that you fail to meet even my most basic criteria."

LisaRN2B · Dec 18, 2003

Originally posted by Geeg
I always like a snappy retort like: "I regret to inform you that you fail to meet even my most basic criteria."

I LIKE that one! :chuckle