Too much testosterone at work- frisky doctors

Nurses General Nursing

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2 weeks ago the ortho doc asked me if I would give him a sponge bath. Yesterday a married intern asked me to go out with him. What is wrong with these people?

I have let it be well known that I am married. I will make small talk about the weather, the kids- and that's about it. I do not buy my scrubs at Victoria's Secret, I do not hang on every word that these doctors speak. I am just a normal person who comes to work to work. These guys are both in their 30's and should know better. Sheesh!

Asking someone out (let's say neither party is married) at your job might be poor form, but I can't see how it's sexual harrassment... But the break up (and subsequential working relationship) might be strained, thus making it a bad idea (hindsight)

just my opinion

Let's not confuse oogling and suggestive comments with innocent attraction!

And Lisa, you say that asking someone out at a work-sanctioned happy hour is likely not harrassment, then I'll say, it's not harrassment at work either (as long as it's just a solicitation for a date, period). The location is irrelevant, and just a matter of semantics.

If your company has a policy against co-worker fraternization, that doesn't make it sexual harrassment...

sean

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Originally posted by hogan4736

...And Lisa, you say that asking someone out at a work-sanctioned happy hour is likely not harrassment, then I'll say, it's not harrassment at work either (as long as it's just a solicitation for a date, period). The location is irrelevant, and just a matter of semantics.

If your company has a policy against co-worker fraternization, that doesn't make it sexual harrassment...

sean

No, didn't say specifically a worked sanctioned happy hour. And really, it depends on the other party's "take" on what's going on. No, a non-fraternization policy does not make it sexual harrassment. Just can make it a sticky situation.

I have been asked out (in the past) at work, during work related functions, etc. I did not perceive it to be sexual harrassment. Had it been another person, who knows. I have never been sexually harrassed in the work place. I was however, sexually harrassed in by a teacher in high school. I found it highly embarrassing to have comments made about my breast size and be referred to as "Dolly" in class. Of course, that was in the Dark Ages. How things have changed.

I have also dated someone from work. There was a non-fraternization policy. No one who mattered found out about it, but it does make things tense.

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Yes, it does depend on the recipient's "take" on the advances/comments.

I shudder to think that a harmless come-on (one time only, but repeated unwanted advances, that's different) could land one in the unemployment line AND in court...

How do they draw the line?

And if you sense a possible attraction, how will you ever know unless you ask?:confused:

sean

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Where should men draw the line about asking for a date at work?I'll take this as a serious question.

Basic answer? Like I might tell my young son? you might ask once, appropriately, respectfully. If you get a negative response, you stop asking. If you keep asking or keep attempting to flirt, it can be construed as harassment. I watched a male coworker get fired after persisting like this with a female coworker. While I admit she may have sent him mixed signals, he needed to back off when he got a negative indication in any way. With mixed signals I've suggested to my young son he let HER make any further overture to avoid a problem. In a perfect world this stuff should be totally away from the workplace anyway but...

Today's workplace is much better than it used to be when I was a young woman, where bosses shamelessly pressured women for dates, etc ...in order to keep their jobs or stay in favor. It was obvious, uncomfortable and unfair. Harassment laws are now in place because these situations existed.

I also recall high school days where awards were given at assemblies for 'sweater girl' and the boys were allowed to make a gauntlet type hallway where they groped girls as they walked by. I remember being late to class to avoid these hallway setups, yet I was punished for tardiness. Nothing was done about it...the 'boys will be boys' mentality at work. :(

My point is we have made some great improvements. I also agree with the points made that some doctors (and men in general) are indeed social imbeciles. Some men do NOT have a clue about reading a woman's response to them, some deliberately misconstrue to support their need to pursue. Some men (and women) today forget the workplace is not a singles bar.

We're really not at work to meet future partners and keeping this mindset helps avoid lots of trouble... for BOTH sexes.

We've got some young posters here who 'seem' to be trying to understand...forgive me for straying a bit off topic but it's the mama in me coming out I guess.

Hope this continued conversation is not seen as insensitive to the OP, whose situation I am in total sympathy with. Those doctors are completely out of line and need to wake up and smell the coffee.

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that's basically what I'm saying...one time (of asking out) should not be construed as harrassment...repeated advances should...

sean

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The most important thing you can do is document on your calander the date, approx. time, their inappropriate remarks to you and your respose. This may save your a** in so many words. They do hold alot of power so document............

Sorry to hear, this is distastful and inexcusable!!!!!!!!!!:(

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Originally posted by skybirdrising

I simply stated a fact that many times women give men the wrong impression. I personally know of at least three married women who wear less than nothing underneath their scrubs and when they bend over, everyone around them recieves an education. I have had female nurses slightly but ever so evidently pat me on the butt. I think many women want to create a "tease"atmosphere where they control how far it goes. And then when the heat gets hot, they want to stop.

I am totally against what these doctors did to the OP. But I am also tired of the double standards that many women play these days. Many women do it as a power play. Anything to remove topp dog to get closer to their goal. Sexual harassment is horrific and I am clearly stating that women and men need to be aware fo their own actions before they start crying a bunch of BS.

Yet you instantly assumed that the OP falls into the category to which you refer? Hmph!

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Specializes in Community Health Nurse.

I have been asked out on dates before by a couple of docs and some male employees in the hospital. I even had a female admirer back in the day at work one time. I said "NO" to all three because I was married already, except for one of the male docs I met on a travel nurse assignement when I was single. I STILL said NO to him because he had a "hospital wide reputation" for flirting, and he was engaged to be married to a nurse working in his private practice office. Talk about some jerks! HA! :rolleyes:

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