To be or not to be...that's why I need your help!

[Kaytbady]

[color=#964368][color=#964368]hello everyone,

[color=#964368][color=#964368]i've been reading and reading up on all your comments and questions but still find myself torn. let me explain where i am coming from before i ask my questions. i graduated with an associates degree in graphic design and printing technology back in 2004. was told it was going to be easy to get a job, turned out there were no design jobs available for newbies anywhere. all required a bachelors and 20+ years of experience. well, i am 7 years later in a dead end job at a printing company. and i need a change. i make so little i can't really afford anything more then a studio apartment. nothing really great. and i don't really like what i do. i'd rather my time be spent doing something important then not.

[color=#964368][color=#964368]here is where i lead into the reasons for the medical interest. in 06 i started getting lower abdominal pain. went to the obgyn, and got an ultrasound done. i was no sooner confronted with the reality that i had a solid mass. it had the possibilities of being cancer, and a full hysterectomy may be needed depending on the results. now i am only 22 years old at this time, so you can imagine my shock and devastation. i hadn't even found out if i wanted kids yet. it hit me pretty hard. after surgery i was relieved to find i was still intact and had endometriosis cysts. not a tumor like they thought. phew right? but wait! what is endometriosis? after learning what it was and finding out i had a sever case. i was immediately put on depo provara. a year later...had the same exact thing with yet another surgery. half of my left ovary was taken to spare my uterus. i was warned if it were to happen again despite the measures taken. a hysterectomy would be necessary. of course i was frightened. i was just told your chances of having kids is pretty much gone with the way things were going. thankfully it has been almost 5 years with no other cysts. but i still live with that possibility that it will be taken away everyday.

[color=#964368][color=#964368]after this of course my thoughts about kids changed. i went from, probably no kids, too...of course i wanted them! i found myself fully interested in the whole baby/birth process. i also started watching birthing shows and a few medical shows more and more. shows on the list? "untold stories of the er", "welcome home baby", "a baby story", "mystery diagnosis", and "er: (insert location)". i noticed myself getting use to some gruesome images that years ago i would flip the channel at. i found myself loving discovery health when it was on. i would watch it at some point almost everyday. but my heart always went back to those maternity shows. i love, love watching "deliver me", "i didn't know i was pregnant", and "pregnant and.. " and want to start watching "one born every minute" when it starts. i fell in love with the medical field and the mystery of the human body.

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[color=#964368][color=#964368]after watching and absorbing all these shows, info, etc. i found myself really interested in pursuing nursing. i went to the local school here, found information, and am trying to figure out how to go to school and work at the same time, etc. now here is my problem. i cant help but be scared! i've never taken care of anyone in a physical manner or even thought about it. i've never been good at math or english. i don't know if i can handle the physical cleaning/bedpan/poop/etc.(i gag easily), and honestly grosses me out a little. i heard that's something you get over. but it's the medical information i love. i want to learn to take care of a cut, what things mean on a monitor, to understand what conditions are, what to look for, what to do to treat it, etc. these are life lessons. not something that will waste your time by any means. i find myself envying the people in scrubs when i walk into a clinic or hospital. it's a job to be proud of! but i can't help but wonder if it is the right job for me. i always had it in my head since the endometriosis that if i ever took up nursing. it would to be a labor and delivery nurse. now that the fact it could be a reality frightens me! can i handle it? am i in it for the right reasons? (money is a nice bonus when you make close to nothing now). will i like it? will it be something that will interest me for the first few years but then hate it? and after reading up on it, can i even make it to l&d? i'm sure some of these have to be questions everyone ask at one point, but where it is that the line is drawn. where you say, yes your good for the job, and no your in the wrong field? i mean do i sound like it's right for me? is there another position in the medical field that is better? i don't know. i just...don't know.

[color=#964368][color=#964368]to help me, i have applied to volunteer at our local hospital to see what it is all about. hopefully they will let me see more then just one area so i can get the full idea. waiting on their call back now. i also missed this years admissions, decided too late (had to get over my fear of change). though i look at it as maybe it's for a reason. maybe i'm in a phase, maybe it is to give me more time to do my pre-reqs. i don't know. i just want to feel this way in a year. feels like forever from now though.

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[color=#964368][color=#964368]i apologize for this being a long read. i just figured i couldn't get my questions out without the background story. anyone that can give me some ideas/reassurance/guidance/advice/etc? greatly appreciated.

[color=#964368][color=#964368]thanks guys! :)

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[roser13, ASN, RN]

Cliff Notes version?

[netglow, ASN, RN]

Straight up, put on your big girl pants and enroll in a night CNA course while you work days. If that is too much for you, nursing is not an option for you either.

[OCNRN63, RN]

Cliff Notes version?

I'm sorry, but that did make me laugh.

[Kaytbady]

Like I said, I felt I had to tell the whole story so people could see where I was coming from. I honesty wouldn't know how to shorten it up. And I really am unsure, and I know I am not the only one. I just hate feeling like I am in limbo between fear, and courage.

onaclearday, I saw that. That may be my next step. It all depends on the Volunteering experience.

[josinda421]

Yea, like the above post, I would do a CNA course first, get a job at a hospital and see how you like it from there. You may not be doing what a nurse does,but you'll pretty much get a whole picture of what being a nurse is all about. And I mean the good and the bad. Good luck.

[NurseBlogger, BSN, RN]

I second the cliff notes humor! If you want to do it you will. I also became a CNA to be able to work while I went to school and also to see if I could do the things you speak of. It never really bothered me. I relate to kids diapers. The first one you change is an OMG experience but after a few it is just another diaper. If you care about people you will be surprised at what you can do without a second thought and even more after that second thought. lol Good luck!

[Zaphod, BSN, RN]

I know where you are coming from.I was a graphic designer for 4 years before nursing.what a lousy field. But you should know that nurses are not rich and you still may struggle financially at times. I never did CNAwork and am glad since it might have dettered me. I worked partime in design while going to school.whatever you decide, be flexible as things might not be exactly as you envision them.

[SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN]

i agree with the above posters. also do not give up your design job to attend nursing school. find a way (even if it takes a while to be accepted) to keep the job at least part time or on contract while attending nursing school. the reason being, new graduate nurses are having a hard time finding jobs. some remain unemployed or underemployed for yearsssssssss. there are two nurses that graduated with me that still have never worked as nurses two years later. others have only worked pt in spurts. those of us who were lucky found ft jobs. also, as others have said, pay for new grads around the country (if you can find a job) is a joke... do not rely on the silly online salary projections, they are not accurate for new nurses. in fact, you may continue living in your studio apartment for a while after graduation unless you move to an area that is relatively more affordable. again, assuming you find a job in nursing upon graduation. gl!

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

Don't waste your time doing a CNA course. What is the point? You want to be a nurse, don't you? Well look into what you need to become a RN, or LPN or whatever other degrees/diplomas you need to do to achieve this. Is there a college/university near you where you can get info, or go online? Does your country do external nursing degrees at all? Go on the net and do a big search.

You can only do a few semesters of nursing school to see what it is really like. Being a CNA will not prepare you for the realities of RN nursing - if that is what you want, go for the Ba of Nursing or become the equivalent of an Enrolled Nurse who works under a RN.

You can only try the real thing and see how you go. Do one year at least, then if it's not for you, so be it. It's a hard slog and you have to sacrifice a lot I think, at least I did, but if it's what you want to try give it a go at least.

I however, would encourage all young people (dunno your age) to do something else first, then get their nursing degree/diploma when they are a little older.

Always have some other qualification to back you up.

[Orange Tree]

Nursing on TV seems a little more simplistic than it is in real life. I agree that a CNA course would be helpful- especially since you're not sure about the "hands on" part of taking care of people.

[Preeps]

I would find another option. Reality is that nursing no longer = sure job. Alot of grad nurses can't find a job and I doubt it is going to get better in the next few years.

Also nursing is not glamorous and much of the tiime a floor nurse does not feel "fulfilled."

I went back to nursing as a second career with all the enthusiasm and excitement you feel. I was excited to find a rewarding job that would make a difference in the helping profession. I'm into my 4th year. The first few were a nightmare. Sometimes it is tolerable and sometimes I do get satisfaction from a compliment from a patient or family member.

I know I am a consienscious and compassionate RN. However most I feel like a glorified waitress, cleaning woman, tech and am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. My floor is unsafe and everyone knows it but nothing is done. It's all about the budget. It is hard, stressful work. Very stressful. I would not suggest nursing for a child of mine. No way.