[color=#964368][color=#964368]hello everyone,
[color=#964368][color=#964368]i've been reading and reading up on all your comments and questions but still find myself torn. let me explain where i am coming from before i ask my questions. i graduated with an associates degree in graphic design and printing technology back in 2004. was told it was going to be easy to get a job, turned out there were no design jobs available for newbies anywhere. all required a bachelors and 20+ years of experience. well, i am 7 years later in a dead end job at a printing company. and i need a change. i make so little i can't really afford anything more then a studio apartment. nothing really great. and i don't really like what i do. i'd rather my time be spent doing something important then not.
[color=#964368][color=#964368]here is where i lead into the reasons for the medical interest. in 06 i started getting lower abdominal pain. went to the obgyn, and got an ultrasound done. i was no sooner confronted with the reality that i had a solid mass. it had the possibilities of being cancer, and a full hysterectomy may be needed depending on the results. now i am only 22 years old at this time, so you can imagine my shock and devastation. i hadn't even found out if i wanted kids yet. it hit me pretty hard. after surgery i was relieved to find i was still intact and had endometriosis cysts. not a tumor like they thought. phew right? but wait! what is endometriosis? after learning what it was and finding out i had a sever case. i was immediately put on depo provara. a year later...had the same exact thing with yet another surgery. half of my left ovary was taken to spare my uterus. i was warned if it were to happen again despite the measures taken. a hysterectomy would be necessary. of course i was frightened. i was just told your chances of having kids is pretty much gone with the way things were going. thankfully it has been almost 5 years with no other cysts. but i still live with that possibility that it will be taken away everyday.
[color=#964368][color=#964368]after this of course my thoughts about kids changed. i went from, probably no kids, too...of course i wanted them! i found myself fully interested in the whole baby/birth process. i also started watching birthing shows and a few medical shows more and more. shows on the list? "untold stories of the er", "welcome home baby", "a baby story", "mystery diagnosis", and "er: (insert location)". i noticed myself getting use to some gruesome images that years ago i would flip the channel at. i found myself loving discovery health when it was on. i would watch it at some point almost everyday. but my heart always went back to those maternity shows. i love, love watching "deliver me", "i didn't know i was pregnant", and "pregnant and.. " and want to start watching "one born every minute" when it starts. i fell in love with the medical field and the mystery of the human body.
[color=#964368][color=#964368]after watching and absorbing all these shows, info, etc. i found myself really interested in pursuing nursing. i went to the local school here, found information, and am trying to figure out how to go to school and work at the same time, etc. now here is my problem. i cant help but be scared! i've never taken care of anyone in a physical manner or even thought about it. i've never been good at math or english. i don't know if i can handle the physical cleaning/bedpan/poop/etc.(i gag easily), and honestly grosses me out a little. i heard that's something you get over. but it's the medical information i love. i want to learn to take care of a cut, what things mean on a monitor, to understand what conditions are, what to look for, what to do to treat it, etc. these are life lessons. not something that will waste your time by any means. i find myself envying the people in scrubs when i walk into a clinic or hospital. it's a job to be proud of! but i can't help but wonder if it is the right job for me. i always had it in my head since the endometriosis that if i ever took up nursing. it would to be a labor and delivery nurse. now that the fact it could be a reality frightens me! can i handle it? am i in it for the right reasons? (money is a nice bonus when you make close to nothing now). will i like it? will it be something that will interest me for the first few years but then hate it? and after reading up on it, can i even make it to l&d? i'm sure some of these have to be questions everyone ask at one point, but where it is that the line is drawn. where you say, yes your good for the job, and no your in the wrong field? i mean do i sound like it's right for me? is there another position in the medical field that is better? i don't know. i just...don't know.
[color=#964368][color=#964368]to help me, i have applied to volunteer at our local hospital to see what it is all about. hopefully they will let me see more then just one area so i can get the full idea. waiting on their call back now. i also missed this years admissions, decided too late (had to get over my fear of change). though i look at it as maybe it's for a reason. maybe i'm in a phase, maybe it is to give me more time to do my pre-reqs. i don't know. i just want to feel this way in a year. feels like forever from now though.
[color=#964368][color=#964368]i apologize for this being a long read. i just figured i couldn't get my questions out without the background story. anyone that can give me some ideas/reassurance/guidance/advice/etc? greatly appreciated.
[color=#964368][color=#964368]thanks guys! :)
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