Things we think that we do not say... humorous...

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Specializes in Skilled Nursing/Rehab.

Just for fun, I am wondering if you would like to share some thoughts you have had during patient care that you did not speak out loud for whatever reason. My hubby does not enjoy my work stories, and I feel the need to share!

I'll start...

While assisting with peri care for a grey haired gentleman, I thought, "Oh - so your hair used to be red!" I am proud to say that I had the self-control not to say this out loud.

Anyone else want to share?

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Specializes in Progressive, Intermediate Care, and Stepdown.

Oh, sweet Jesus, your sh** really smells. You clean that up!

I'm attracted to you, and yes, I don't care if you are my patient. I can't help it. Even if you are 45 years old than I am, I'm only human.

That doctor is a real moron.

I can feel the artery pulsating in your member as I stick this catheter in you. I'm not comfortable with this at all!

I feel like I'm getting this stuff of my shoulder. Kind of a relief actually. Thanks OP for the fun topic. :D No judgement folks! Just being honest.

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This happened to me many years ago when I was a nursing student. I had an older male patient who was rather scruffy, and also incontinent of bowel. To top that, he had some form of cancer that really produced a foul odor. Even so, one gets used to an odor after being surrounded by it for a few hours, and so by lunch time I really didn't smell the bad stuff any more.

Just when the lunch trays were being brought to the rooms, I was getting really hungry, especially since I hadn't had breakfast, nor any breaks yet that morning. Right when the dietary aides were bringing in a scrumptious smelling hamburger and fries (back when some hospital food wasn't actually bad), the family was coming into the room to visit, their noses wrinkled in barely-disguised disgust at the feces/cancer odor, and I in my hunger delirium say, "Boy, doesn't that smell good?!?"

Of course the family thought I was crazy, and it took me a few minutes to realize why they reacted that way.

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While I was doing my clinical for school there was this one resident fella who everyone loved. He was upbeat and with it..and when everyone was nervous about everything...his room was the one to go into and chat since he was so lively!! One day my class partner and I (both female) went into his room and said "good morning, how are you today??" He goes "ohhh just taking a ****..." and pulls the covers back to show us he's peeing into the urinal. It was so funny because he was so upfront...didn't try to hide it and could care less. Then he asked my class partner to hop into bed with him!!! She declined with "I'm married!" and he said "so what...so am I!!!" Just thinking about him makes me giggle...sweet man!!!

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Specializes in Trauma, ER, ICU, CCU, PACU, GI, Cardiology, OR.

while getting a 6'5" pt. ready for his appendectomy surgery a i uncovered the myth that not all men are cut equal even when they say large hands & feet, means well you can fill in the blanks. needless to say, i bit my tongue although i wanted to say "bless your heart i thought it was an extra belly button" :uhoh21:

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

On the same note....after a male 50ish code came in a didn't make it. While doing post mortem care.....observing a certain area and all I could think of was.

My, My, My, What a shame....:sniff:....his wife is gonna miss him.:smokin:

The have been a few times when you keep that straight face for the patient. ONe time in triage there was this guy who tripped and fell in the woods and came in with a stick up his nose. The triage nurse brought the patient straight back to the trauma room and looked worried. I was puzzled at first.....until I walked into the room and saw clear fluid trickling out of his right nares. I made that across the room look of HOLY FECES :eek: at my co-worker.

Once outside the room we both went "Holy Crap did you see that?"

Many times at the foolishness of the human race.......taking care of a guy who was trimming tree branches froma recent strom.....unfortunately when he cut the branch from the tree he was on the side of the branch NOT secured to the tree......and suffered bilateral femur, tib fib, ankle fractures.

You just want ot look at them and say....You dumba$$.:bugeyes:

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While I was doing my clinical for school there was this one resident fella who everyone loved. He was upbeat and with it..and when everyone was nervous about everything...his room was the one to go into and chat since he was so lively!! One day my class partner and I (both female) went into his room and said "good morning, how are you today??" He goes "ohhh just taking a ****..." and pulls the covers back to show us he's peeing into the urinal. It was so funny because he was so upfront...didn't try to hide it and could care less. Then he asked my class partner to hop into bed with him!!! She declined with "I'm married!" and he said "so what...so am I!!!" Just thinking about him makes me giggle...sweet man!!!

I'm thinking something right now that I do not say

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Specializes in Skilled Nursing/Rehab.
while getting a 6'5" pt. ready for his appendectomy surgery a i uncovered the myth that not all men are cut equal even when they say large hands & feet, means well you can fill in the blanks. needless to say, i bit my tongue although i wanted to say "bless your heart i thought it was an extra belly button" :uhoh21:

oh my, this one made me lol!!! :lol2:

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When showering a little bitty Mrs. (husband a very tall lanky guy- married 75 yrs or some such thing) I almost said: "Wow what a great figure you have!" Glad I kept my thoughts to myself, but really, for a 90's PLUS she had an amazing shape for a lady at any age!!!!

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Wow I never knew testicles could be so big and a member could be so small on the same body...

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"Do you honestly think I could POSSIBLY be stupid enough to believe the stupid explanation you just gave me for how that thing got there?"

...and along the same 'the nurse must be stupid' think:

"Do you honestly think I could POSSIBLY be stupid enough to believe that your doctor told you the best way to take your Vicodin ES was to crush them into a powder and snort it up your nose?" (this, btw, from a patient who refused to take the pills I had brought because I should grind them up for him first---um, NO, and he could either SWALLOW them in front of me or I was leaving WITH them...idiot).

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Wow I never knew testicles could be so big and a member could be so small on the same body...

Aint that the truth.....:rotfl:

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