10 things you say at work lay people could get arrested for

Nurses Humor

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Very, very funny and true!

If I may add one more:

"Spread open your legs so I can insert this "(foley cath)

Specializes in Emergency.

Take off all of your clothes......

The doctor will be in a minute to check you out. (Yes, I really did say this to a female patient about a male doctor.)

I need you to take off your pants so I can look at your member.

When a patient has asked, do you remember me and you answer, I didn't recgonize you with your clothes on.

When was the last time you had sex?

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Specializes in Cardiac/Telemetry.
Take off all of your clothes......

The doctor will be in a minute to check you out. (Yes, I really did say this to a female patient about a male doctor.)

I need you to take off your pants so I can look at your member.

When a patient has asked, do you remember me and you answer, I didn't recgonize you with your clothes on.

When was the last time you had sex?

BWWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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Specializes in ICU,ER.

"When this hits the back of your throat, you need to swallow"

~inserting an NG tube~

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It's not the things I say that would get me in trouble in the rest of the world, it's the things I do- Actions speak louder than words right?

I've been known to kiss "clients" and even to lie in bed with them! Love peds homecare!

Oh, and what about the little girl I was potty training who always refused to wear undies instead of a diaper until I tired and frustrated and did the same thing I've done with my nieces "Look! I'm wearing Big Girl Panties!" as I pull the waistband out of the top of my slacks. That just wouldn't fly in the corporate world. :roll

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Specializes in ACHPN.

1.) I'm going to give you an oral (as in report).

2.) I have a discharge.

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Specializes in ER;med/surg.
1.) I'm going to give you an oral (as in report).

2.) I have a discharge.

OMG, I did this last night at work!! Was sending a pt to the floor from ER and floor's fax machine wasn't working. The receiving nurse called to tell me she hadn't gotten report and I said, "OK, can I just give you oral?" Pt (young guy) in the hall bed across from me says, " You can give me oral." I had no response, just turned 5 shades of red.

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Specializes in Pediatrics.

"I need more alcohol!"

(or, uh, just the swabs I guess...)

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Specializes in ER, NICU, NSY and some other stuff.

"Just let your legs fall open and relax, your gonna feel a touch now."

Inserting a cath or assisting with a pelvic.

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"Ok, you're free to go; well, not really." Said to a prisoner leaving the ER accompanied by a sheriff's deputy.

Pam

:lol2: It reminds me of a funny thing that happened the other day at work. I was assisting a pt. to the bathroom and her ENTIRE family was crammed into one of our pre-op rooms. As she got up she said

"What if I moon people when I get up?"

"Don't worry, I'll watch it."

:mad: The whole family burst out laughing including the pt. I MEANT I'll watch the gown to make sure it's closed. :doh:

Keely

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Specializes in ACHPN.

To a pt on a bedpan, " Are you ready to get off yet?"

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Specializes in Med/Surg.
"I need more alcohol!"

(or, uh, just the swabs I guess...)

How about "Alcohol makes you feel better".

When I teach others to perform venipuncture I encourage them to use the alcohol to help thier finger glide over the skin.

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How about "I need you to drop your pants"? I still howl on that after nearly 20 years.

Suebird :p

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