10 things you say at work lay people could get arrested for

Nurses Humor

Published

Very, very funny and true!

If I may add one more:

"Spread open your legs so I can insert this "(foley cath)

Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

"Give me the finger"

(usually said to a patient whose blood glucose I'm about to check)

"Drop trou and bend over (or lie on the bed)"

(usually said before giving an IM)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

"BLOW BLOW BLOW BLOW BLOW! BLOW HARDER!"

Patients using incentive spirometers =]

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Hospice/psych./gerentology.

Lower your pants and underwear.Stand with weight on one leg and stick your butt out.I need to find my landmark.

Said to a patient prior to an IM injection.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER/Trauma.

i had this one instance of nurse-speak gone wrong. in doing bedside report, the off-going nurse was telling me that the pt was on a "dope" drip. the family member at bedside got offended and said "excuse me?!" it took just a second for me to see where the family member took offense. i had to explain that what we meant was that the pt was on a "dopamine" drip.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Started as an EMT 11 yrs ago,CNA, LPN no.

Getting ready for the transfer of a pt with a drip, and the paramedic was struggling with getting the pump on the pole he yelled to me " hey what is wrong with this pump" My quick and thoughtless reply " maybe your pole is to small" I exited the room quickly and very red

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Memory loss, PDN.
Getting ready for the transfer of a pt with a drip, and the paramedic was struggling with getting the pump on the pole he yelled to me " hey what is wrong with this pump" My quick and thoughtless reply " maybe your pole is to small" I exited the room quickly and very red

This definitely needs a drink alert.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

what did your poo look like?

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I work home hospice.

"Will the body fit through the door?" (Said with patient who had no family and had expired)

Pt asked how sore on his rear-end looked. Without even thinking I burst out, "Wow, your butt looks great!" Good thing he had a sense of humor. We both laughed and laughed.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

Once, back in 1987, I was readying a closed OR and a Patient for a Colonoscopy. The Docs didn't use Valium or Versed IVP, or anything else, at that Hospital in those days. In fact, not using SOMETHING seems rather archaic and brutal nowadays. But they didn't.

So, I was explaining the Colonoscopy procedure to this hard-of-hearing Elderly Man. "FIRST," I yelled, "THE DOCTOR IS GOING TO APPLY SOME KY JELLY TO YOUR BUTT HOLE! The Patient replied, "Uh-huh." THEN HE'S GOING TO INSERT A SCOPE! Again, he said, "Uh-huh."

I went on to explain the entire procedure with advisements on relaxation techniques to make the procedure more tolerable. The Patient replied "Uh-huh" after each bellowed statement to indicate he had heard and understood.

All was quite when the stone-faced MD walked into the room. He sat down on a stool directly behind the Patient and donned gloves. He scooped up some KY jelly, separated the Patient's buttocks, and smeared the jelly onto the anal area. The Doc picked up the scope and poised to insert it when I yelled,

"HERE IT COMES!!!"

The Doc lost it, LOL. But the patient heard me. And was prepared.

Dave

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC, Memory loss, PDN.

"I'm going to take off your nose"

preparing to suction a patient with a HME over tracheostomy

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I need to get pee from the pu$$y. Oh I really mean that I need to get urine from the cat.

Fuzzy

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment